Anger and Patience- Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood

When we began this series, so many of you said that the biggest struggle you face in mothering is not getting angry and along with that learning to be patient.

I am certainly no expert, and I only hope and pray that the resources that I give you are an encouragement. First off, as you begin to see the significance of mothering and embrace that, and then work at overcoming the 3 obstacles we have talked about, these things should significantly cut down on the struggle.

But, what about when you’ve done all of those things and you still feel like exploding? My best advice is to be constantly in prayer.  My prayer life has grown significantly since becoming a mama! I realize now that I have no strength of my own and everything I need in the moment comes from him.

So what do you do in the moment, when you are angry and want to take it out on your child? Give grace in the moment. I wrote this post for The Better Mom a few months ago and using this as a guideline in the moment of my frustration has greatly helped me!

So, I decided to make it into a printable and the amazing Beth from Beth Stone Studio created this printable complete with some of her original artwork! I hope you love it as much as I do!

 Click here to download the printable

And the best series I have ever seen on the topic of anger is from my friend, Christy at One Fun Mom.  She has lots of posts, practical advice, and Biblical help for those of us who struggle with anger.  Go read her series, Anger and Children!

Next week, we are going to tackle the 3 C’s of Mothering! There will be lots of practical help and I hope you will join me!

I invite you to subscribe or join the conversation on the Grace Full Mama Facebook page.

Here is a list of the posts so far in the Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood series:

1. The Beginning
2. The Significance- Part1
3. The Significance- Part2
4. The Obstacles- Part1 
5. The Obstacles- Part2
6. The Obstacles- Part3

And here are the printables:

1. Week 1
2. Week 2 
3. Week 3 
 
Linking up here:

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Too Busy- Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood Obstacle #3

How we spend our days, is of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard, An American Childhood

We’ve been talking obstacles, and here is the next one:

Obstacle #3- We are too busy.

When my oldest, Britton, was just a wee one, I was given a tape {yes, a tape!} on the seasons of motherhood by Beverly Bradley.  That tape changed the course of my mothering from then ’til now.  She told how she was a highly involved pastor’s wife, serving on committees, heading a homeschool group, speaking out for the unborn at rallies, etc.

One day, as she was in the midst of serving all of these other people, her son asked why they were always busy and she rarely had time to spend playing with him.  It broke her heart. The next day she went and resigned from all the good ministry. Were they good, important things? Yes, but she did not want to waste the precious time she had to invest in her kid’s hearts.

Those ministries were better left, she decided, for another season in life. She went home to tell her son what she had done. He was already in bed, so she rubbed his back and told of her decision. He started weeping and whispered quietly, thank you.

I wonder how many of our little ones would voice the same thing if they could?

We’re too busy, so we miss time in the Word (obstacle #1). And, when we slow down, it is easier to keep from getting overwhelmed (obstacle #2).

“The season of young children is a time to refrain. Refrain from most outside activities, even some church activities. Now is a time to be faithful in discipline…it’s the springtime of mothering. Redeem the time, don’t waste it.” -Sono Harris

When we hurry, we tend to get impatient, and leave little room in our life for simple joys or spontaneity. Somehow we have bought into the lie that being home just isn’t good enough.

Whether it’s fun activities, ministry, or general good things, we have to learn to say no. And saying no can also mean limiting the computer, phone, and social media.  It’s important to leave margin in our lives to spend focused on hearing the hearts of our children.

We have to un-hurry.

Some of us must address the issue of hurry if we are to live the grace-filled lives God calls us to live.  So take a deep breath, let it out slowly, pause to pray, and enjoy an un-hurried day.” Glynnis Whitwer, An Unhurried Life

Yes, you say, but then I’ll be bored! I hear you.  If you hang tight with me through this series, I have lots of ideas of how to fill your time intentionally.

But my children like to get out! I understand, but just because my kids want to eat cookies doesn’t mean I give cookies anytime they want. Too much of a good thing is, well, too much.

Am I saying stay home and never go anywhere? Not at all! We just have to be careful that we are not over-scheduling our lives, and missing out on the opportunities to enjoy the small things. You know deep in your heart where that balance lies. 

“By walking away from a busy, accomplishment-oriented society into a quiet world of deep relationship, service, and home-life, I will establish a far-reaching legacy that extends throughout many generations.” -Laura Booz, Blogger Behave
Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I rushing from one thing to the next?
  • Do I have space in my life to just enjoy my kids?
  • Do I feel stressed if I have a day free, with nowhere to go and nothing to do?
  • Do I have a hard time saying no to things, especially when they are good things like ministry or another church activity?
  • Do I secretly feel that being home isn’t enough?
  • Do I have trouble sleeping, thinking of all the things I have to do the next day?
If you said yes to any of these, it may be time to slow down.
It is shown with the sacrificial life of giving up what we wanted to do, or the job we hoped to have, in order to build a soul through the attention of ourselves. A looking into the eyes with true interest and compassion instead of looking at a screen while half-heartedly listening.  These are the sacrifices of our love, the moment-by-momet giving up of ourselves, the constant year in-year out practice of worship as we serve those in our home in order to please His heart. - Sally Clarkson

Learn to say no to things that crowd your time and leave room for the unexpected joys of life.
 Purpose to seek out the glorious in the mundane. Some of the very best things in life are the unscheduled ones!
Now, for today:
1. Seek out a little quiet space to write our your plan for overcoming the obstacles we’ve discussed. Pray over your plan and then act on it!
2. Spend some unhurried time today with your kids!

Click here to download the printable

Related post: Making Family Your Primary Ministry at The Better Mom


What are your thoughts? Do you feel like your life is too busy?

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Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood- Obstacle #2

We are talking obstacles this week! Yesterday we talked about overcoming the obstacle of forgetting to fill up on Living Water.  And the 2nd obstacle that’s keeps us from fully embracing a heart for motherhood is…..

Obstacle #2- We feel overwhelmed.

Source: Uploaded by user via Joy on Pinterest

 

Have you ever felt that way as a mother? Ha, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel overwhelmed!

The good news is that we don’t need to do it ourselves.

2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 3:5, “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything form ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”

Yes, the calling is high, but He has given us Himself!  Are you weary?

Matthew 11:28, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

Isaiah 40:29, “He gives strength to the weary and to him who lacks might, He increases power…”

The Lord loves mothers. He loves you and He loves your children. He wants you to fall into His arms and find rest. He is El Shaddai- our refuge and our strength.

He wants to comfort you, care for you,  and strengthen you. He wants to whisper words of love into your ear and give you the strength to carry on.

This isn’t about striving harder and doing or being more. This is you releasing yourself to Him and watching Him take over. It’s exhausting, I know. I’m not minimizing this. Take care of yourself, but also realize that motherhood is all about sacrifice….dying to ourselves. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed because we feel that it isn’t fair that we have to give up so much, and we do.

So, during those times where we feel hopelessly overwhelmed what can keep us going?

 ”Inspirational historical models may provide a temporary enthusiasm, but a mother of dominion needs something more. Otherwise, the grueling day and night demands of crying infants, filthy bottoms, vomit-soaked blankets, strong-willed naughtiness, physical exhaustion, dull routine, deferred gratifications, lack of recognition, cultural criticism, and personal disillusionment will bring the work of her hands to a grinding halt.
There she sits, exhausted on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands, wondering, ‘Where is the glory in this?’ She needs something more empowering to keep her going.
 She needs to gain and maintain the deep conviction of the glory, honor, and nobility of selfless service. This she finds at the foot of the cross, looking up to the One who earned for Himself, ‘the name that is above every name’ by emptying Himself, taking the form of a bond servant. There she beholds her Savior, who mopped up the damning vomit of her own sin with the precious sponge of His perfect life and atoning death. The love of Christ constrains and compels her to press on. The Spirit of Christ empowers her.” Womanly Dominion, pg. 120

So, today when you feel overwhelmed (and you will), take it to Him lay your burdens at His feet, and ask for His strength to carry on.

Are you weary? Do you feel overwhelmed? Share your thoughts in the comments! And come back tomorrow for Obstacle #3 and this week’s printable!

I also invite you to subscribe.

Here is a list of the posts so far in the Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood series:

1. The Beginning
2. The Significance- Part1
3. The Significance- Part2
4. The Obstacles- Part1

 And here are the printables:

1. Week 1
2. Week 2 

Linking up here:

 

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Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood- The Obstacles

We started this series at the beginning {a very good place to start} and last week we talked about the significance of motherhood and then discussed it again.  I hope you are enjoying the printables too {week 1 and week 2}!

So we have the big vision, we understand the significance of mothering, but why is it so difficult to live that way in the

mundane-ness of life?

This week we are going to look at 3 big obstacles that keep us from fully embracing our job as mother.  Three things that hinder our ability to see clearly and enjoy the job that we have been given. {I’m sure there are more, but these are my top three!}

The first one is this:

Obstacle #1 – Forgetting to fill up on Living Water

Girls, we need to be in the Word…daily. I don’t want this to be a guilt trip thing, but I do want you to take it seriously. Mothering is going to take every single thing we’ve got, and quite frankly, it is going to take MORE than we’ve got. That is why we need to be in His Word and sitting at His feet every day. We need to feed our children out of our abundance.  SOOO many mamas write to me and tell me they just don’t have time for a quiet time.  And you know what? If you are looking for absolute quiet, you are probably right!! But if you are willing to get creative, I promise that you have the time to fill up on Living Water!

Yes, you ask, but how? My day is already full from dawn to dusk, and I just can’t wake up any earlier.

I realize that during the season of young mothering, it is so difficult to have a “quiet time.”  So, here are some suggestions:

Keep a Bible handy wherever you “hang out” most. Whether it’s next to the nursing chair, the bathroom, the kitchen….wherever you can steal a minute or two. Read a few verses and allow them to speak to your heart. Then meditate on the verse as you go about your work. Say it out loud to your children. Write it on an index card, and keep it with you as you go about your day.

Pray as you cook, or clean, or wipe noses. The Bible encourages us to “pray continually”. And, yes, there will be interruptions, but I dare say that the Lord understands, since He is the One who gave you those interruptions!!

Listen to the Bible online. This is my favorite thing to do. The kids and I listen to the Daily Audio Bible every day. I love it! In one year, we will have listened to the entire Bible! It is soothing and simple.  Try it!

Put on quiet worship music. Choose music that puts you in a calm, worshipful mood. Choose music that helps you express your heart of worship as you sing along. My favorites are; Peace Like a RiverGlory RevealedFernando Ortega, and Seeds Family Worship. I find that all of these minister to my heart and the hearts of my children.

                                                                                                                                               Source: meggielynne.tumblr.com via Joy on Pinterest

 

Saturate yourself in God’s Word. It will change your mothering. It will change your heart as you seek Him for wisdom for life with little ones.

Give to your children out of the overflow of your relationship with the Lord. Let God’s love pour out, spill out, ooze out, and touch your children’s hearts. Now, go get in the Word!!

Two great resources for studying God’s Word are:

1. Savoring Living Water E-Book

2. Good Morning Girls

Come back tomorrow for Obstacle #2 and Wednesday for #3 and this week’s printable! If you haven’t already, I invite you to subscribe!

What is your favorite way to make sure that you fill up on Living Water? I’d love to hear!

Linking up here today:

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Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood-The Significance

On Monday we started talking about the significance of mothering.

It is hard to see the big picture when we are in the middle of the mess of everyday, isn’t it? Um, yes, and a hearty AMEN. But, stop with me for just a quick second and let’s take a look….and get inspired!

Imagine with me for a moment what would happen if we truly understood and embraced our job as mothers. What if we chose to look at ourselves as world changers? What if in His strength and by His might, we could truly change this world for the better by the way we raise our children?

What if we looked not just at the here and now (the dirty dishes, diapers, messes, task after task), but at the future? And not only our child’s future, but the future of many generations to come?  Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not grow weary while doing good, in due season we shall reap if we faint not. ”

She [a mother] is handling never-dying souls. She’s daily conducting heart surgery on eternal spirts whose forever destinies are influenced most profoundly by the hands that rock their cradles, wipe their noses…. open their Bibles, prepare their after-school snacks, and turn off their bedroom lights. Those motherly hands are molding characters which will become men and women who will turn the world upside down either for good or for evil. Now that’s a job that counts. ” – Mark Chanski, Womanly Dominion

It’s a big calling….a calling that will last forever!

I love these thoughts:

Download this as a PDF

Throughout history we can see examples of how one woman greatly influenced and even changed history by embracing motherhood.

One example of this is Sarah Edwards, wife of Jonathan Edwards.  Sarah supported her husband and his very long works hours and devoted herself whole-heartedly to the raising of their 8 children. And what was her legacy?

Throughout the generations can be traced: 11 college presidents, 65 professors, 100 lawyers, 30 judges, 66 physicians, 80 holders of public office, 3 mayors of large cities, 3 state governors, 1 controller of the US treasury, 3 US senators, 1 Vice-President of the US .

Now, hear me out on this one. I’m not saying that big important professions is the goal. A long line of passionate-for-Jesus anything would have been equally impressive.  This list is simply showing just how far-reaching our mothering can be!! We are raising mighty arrows for the Kingdom….arrows that will go from our house and shoot out to the world for generations to come!

Psalm 127:5, ” Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

 Now, I want you to take a few moments and think all of this through.  As you read this, what is the Lord speaking to your heart? What is your desire or your vision for your home and mothering? Take a few minutes in a quiet place with a cup of something hot and sit quietly and dream.  Then write out what your vision looks like.

Click here to download the Vision Printable

I know what you are thinking. Great. Wonderful. That sounds so nice. I like the ideal, but I am so far from that ideal in my everyday life. Where I live, my everyday existence is far from victorious. My day to day involves lots of poopy diapers, sippy cups, laundry, and grubby fingers. How can I live intentionally when I can’t even get a shower?

I’m so glad you asked because that is exactly where we will begin next week! Next Monday we will look at 3 big obstacles we face as mamas.  

I hope you’ll join me.  As always, I invite you subscribe so you don’t miss anything! 

Here is a link to all previous posts in this series.

What do you think so far? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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The Freedom To Be Different

My 4-year old son loves to wear a striped shirt with plaid pants…..every. single. day. These two items of clothing make him feel comfortable and bring a bright smile to his face {they make him really, really happy}.  The thing is because he is a twin, there are two sets of each shirt and pants, so there is almost always a clean pair. Ahem.

At first, wanting my kids to look nice and appear put together, I would encourage him to wear something different. I would help him pick out different clothes, ones that co-ordinated.  And he would.  But, sure enough, by 10 o’clock in the morning, those different clothes were exchanged for the old faithfuls.

Join me today at RooMag to read the rest of the story and join the conversation! See you there!

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Mati Lampu

Two of my least favorite words right now are mati lampu, which means literally, dead lights.  Which you can probably guess means no electricity….which means no internet. It has been happening a lot lately, and I have been learning to be thankful even when things do not go the way I want {meaning, no water, no lights, no fans, and no internet}. It’s been a good growing time for me as I choose to be thankful in all circumstances!

Since the electricity was off all day yesterday, I was unable to post the 2nd day of the Motherhood Series.   Thank you for understanding and grace, and I will be posting it, Lord and electricity willing, on Thursday.

And, speaking of light, have you seen this?

Welcome!

Formerly Relevant, now called Allume is launching today with lots of new and exciting things going on! Make sure you join in their Twitter party tonight! Go check it out!!

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Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood Series- The Significance

***We began this series with pouring out our hearts to Jesus. You can continue to do that this week too, using as many of last week’s printable as you need! This week this series will be posted today (Monday) and tomorrow (Tuesday).***

I have the privilege of living in a culture {Indonesia}, that highly esteems children and everywhere I go I am constantly being told how blessed I am by God to be given many children.  Old men walk up to me and give me the thumbs up sign and tell me, “wah, hebat!” which means basically “way to go!”. I love living in a culture that loves my kids.

It is true, as many of you have pointed out, that motherhood is not an overly esteemed occupation in our day and age in “Western culture”.  It is at best looked at as something to get through, to manage, to tolerate, until we can do other more important things. That is what our culture tells us.  But I want to challenge you to look at it differently.  I want us to look at the significance of our job as mother. 

Titus 2 beginning in verse 4 “….so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”

Click here to download this picture as a PDF.

From our very creation (Genesis), we were created by Him to be nurtures instinctually, by the way we were made, our bodies and our emotions.

And the fundamental mission of motherhood is the same as it always was: to nurture, protect, and instruct children, to create a home environment that enables them to learn and grow, to help them develop a heart for God and His purposes, and to send them out into the world prepared to live both fully and meaningfully. It is up to us to embrace that mission as our own, trusting God to walk us through the details and to use our willing mother’s hands as instruments of His blessings.” -Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood

So, we as women, inasmuch as we are able, are to be focused on loving and nurturing the children God has given us. It’s how we were created and it is where we will find our greatest joy.

                                                                                                           Source: i.imgur.com via Joy on Pinterest

 

This motherly focus will look different for each of us.  God knows your situation. Many of you have emailed saying that you would love nothing more than to be able to stay at home with your children and invest in them throughout the day, but circumstances have made that impossible. God knows that. Whatever your situation, wherever God has placed you in your life right now, if your heart is focused on loving and nurturing those kiddos, and not on selfish desires, then you are honoring the Lord.

Come back tomorrow for part 2 and this week’s printable! If you haven’t already, I invite you to subscribe! What are your thoughts today?

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Devotional Diapers- A Great Baby Gift!

Here is a simple and quick idea for a baby shower gift that new moms love. Devotional Diapers….since you know that new mamas barely have time to brush their teeth, let alone finding time to get in the Word!

Join me today at The Better Mom to find out more about this fun idea! What are your favorite ideas for baby shower gifts?
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Cultivating a Heart for Motherhood Series- The Beginning

Welcome! I am SO excited that you are here on this journey with me!
Let me share some of my story as we begin:

March 2004-Boy, I look tired!

I had been on bedrest for 6 weeks, gained an obscene amount of weight, then was rushed to the hospital to have an emergency C-section to deliver premature twins.  That first week in the hospital was a complete blur, between the NICU and figuring out breastfeeding preemies all while trying to care for 3 other children and get some sleep in there somewhere.

 When we finally did make it home, I was spending 1 ½ hours out of every 3 nursing, pumping, bottle feeding, and then trying to catch a little sleep before it all started again.

It was one night somewhere near 2 am as I was feeding a little one, struggling to keep my eyes open.  I was trying to remember which twin I was feeding.  With the blur of an info-mercial for Yoga Booty Ballet, looking down at my still distended belly squeezed into the only sweats that I could pull on (which had spit up on them), I sat wondering to myself,

What in the world am I doing?  This is SO not what I signed up for!  

 It is in those moments as a mother that it is the most challenging, and we find ourselves asking the questions:

Why am I here?
Why am I doing this?
 Does any of this matter?
 Does my life count for anything at all?

 I am here to tell you that it does.  Your life and your job as a mother do matter. I want to take you on a journey to cultivate a heart for mothering.  I want to share with you the BIG VISION first, so you can get a glimpse of what mothering can mean both now and for the future.  Then, once you are inspired, I want to give you lots of practical tips for how to carry it out in your daily life.  Don’t get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task.  Just take it all in.

 I will be posting this series every Monday and here is what we will cover:
1. A Big Vision for Motherhood
2. The 3 Main Obstacles We Face
3. Anger and Patience {because pretty much everyone said this is a struggle}
4. The 3 C’s for Mothering- practical help and ideas
5. Conclusion- Encouragement for the road ahead

There will be challenges, printables, and lots of encouragement along the way! 

As we begin, I want to let you know right from the beginning our purpose for learning how to cultivate a heart for motherhood.  It isn’t so that we can be a great mom, it isn’t so that we can raise great kids, it isn’t even so that we can have strong, happy families.  These things are all good, but the real reason we learn and study and grow in these areas is so that we can know Christ and display His Gospel in our lives for HIS glory.

“…so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.” Titus 2:10

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8
And what Paul says to the Colossians is true for us as well, “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Colossians 1:27

And, listen, I read all the comments on this post.  And I am right there with you.  We are all weary.  We have all messed up.  We will all mess up again. But, hear this: There is grace for us.

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
We can boast in our weakness and press on in HIS power to begin again. So as we start this journey, I can’t think of a better way to begin than by pouring out our mama hearts to Him.

Here is your assignment for today:

Print off this document, “Pouring out my heart to Jesus”. Go here to download it.

Grab yourself a hot cup of tea or coffee, light a candle,  and turn on some quiet, soothing music.  Look over the verses mentioned today and then write out your thoughts on your job as mom to Jesus.  Write out your struggles, your failures, your pain, your joy, your dreams, whatever is on your heart.  Just take some time to sit quietly in His presence and pour out your heart to Him.  He is waiting to hear from you!

What are your thoughts as we start? If you haven’t already, I invite you to subscribe so that you don’t miss a post!

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