20 Things I Want To Tell Engaged And Newlywed Women {Really All Married Women}

advice for christian engaged and newlywed women

 1. Marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Because every marriage is made up of two sinners. (Romans 3:23)

2. At some point, you will have to learn that life isn’t all about you. (Philippians 2:3)

3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)

4. Don’t give up. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)

5. He wants a kind wife, not a maid or another mother. Be nice. (Galatians 5:22-23)

6. Give your husband the gift of your respect.  He needs it more than you know. (Ephesians 5:33)

7. Be mindful of your expectations.

8. Honor the Lord above all things. Colossians 3: 17

9. Find your worth and security in the Lord, and don’t look to your husband to meet all of your needs.

10. Be very careful about reading romance novels, they set you up for an unrealistic view of romance.

11. Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.

12. Love is about relationship.  The more I love my husband, and seek a relationship with him, the less critical and duty-bound I become.  It is similar to my relationship with God.

13. Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

14. Don’t compare!! Don’t buy into the game of comparing him with anyone else’s husband.

15.The Biblically “normal” marriage is filled with joy, connection, laughter, and peace.  It’s not free of hurt feelings and conflict, but they know how to process their pain with one another so that they live more often in a meadow than at the scene of a train wreck.  This is not the average marriage, but it normal – -because it is a visible display of Jesus’ relationship with His bride (Ephesians 5:22-33).

16. Your marriage is a testimony!The #1 evangelistic tool in America (the world) today is a successful marriage, because it’s a living miracle!” – Dr. Joe Aldrich, former president of Multnomah Bible College.

17. Pray for your marriage. Pray hard.

18.I’ve heard that is gets better with age.  I have to say in my short {13 year} experience, that is so true.

19. Where there is God, there is always hope. Even for the most broken marriages. “With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

20.Marriage is commitment and sacrifice. But it’s also the best, most wild ride you will ever have with your best friend.

What would you add to this list?

Thanks for visiting! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here.

A special thank you to my parents, Alan and Theda Hlavka, for help with this list.  As a couple that speaks for Family Life Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences and with 41 years of marriage under their belt, they know what they are talking about!

Photo credit: Tripp Flythe, Linking up with The Better Mom and Women Living Well

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  • Tmackfam

    I love this….Thanks for the reminder!!

    Be thankful for HIS time with the Lord and know how rare that is!!

  • Ada S

    These are all good, but especially no.6 and no.9, because only in the Lord can all our needs be supplied.

  • http://twitter.com/AnnVoskamp Ann Voskamp

    This is wonderful — thank you, Joy!

  • http://myfreshlybrewedlife.com/ Barbie

    This is beautiful. I’ve been married almost 24 years and I really needed these reminders. My daughter has been married for just one month. I am going to send this to her!

  • Rachel

    Love this! A good reminder for me. My favorite ones – 2, 5, 10, 13, 14. I totally agree with #10, even the clean ones set you up with unrealistic expectations. And I would add romance movies. I love them, but if I’m not careful, I start to expect us imperfect humans to look, act and react like they do in the movies. I am very blessed by my husband who does so much for me and our boys!

  • Monday

    This is so beautiful….true….and so needed to fall on our listening/searching ears….thank you so much…..what a blessing….

  • J Alderete

    Well written my friend! mmmm what would I add?
    maybe….
    - try to think the best of him (and his motives) and remember that he’s on your side, not against you.
    - say what you mean. It’s the only path to transparency. Pouting about the details is misleading when really we need to communicate what the real hurt is we are feeling.

    Maybe I’ll blog my own post like this….you’re very inspiring girl! Keep it up! Wish we could sit and have tea one afternoon! ;)

  • Cherie Werner

    Jon and I do pre martial counseling and I love this. I’d add:

    Be proactive vs. reactive by investing in your marriage every few years. This can be done by attending a marriage conference or workshop together; go through a book on marriage together or with other couples, etc… The best time to focus on your marriage is when your not struggling.
    Preventative maintenance is less costly than legal fees. Don’t let pride or your ego get in the way of asking for help. Godly counsel with accountability is invaluable if needed.

  • Carrie Stephens

    Great list! Great advice!! It think you hit all the most important advice.

  • Jenlcrum

    Always speak well of your husband in front of others. Deal with difficulties directly with him, not with your family, girl friends, or Facebook friends.

    • http://one-girl-vs-world.blogspot.com/ Laurel Walker

      This is advice that could have saved my first marriage; however, I am much happier now and I recognize my mistake. My communication with my forever partner is much greater because I understand that this is a very serious part of a healthy relationship!

      http://one-girl-vs-world.blogspot.com

    • NickiB143

      This is exactly what I was thinking…only you said it far more eloquently that I could have. This is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way over the years and still have to remind myself of.

  • Alhuck

    great list and advice… i would add communicate, communicate, communicate. being on the same page is so important. also, encourage him daily, they need our praise for all their hard work!! thanks for this!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

    Ohhh Joy!!! Your list is absolutely wonderful!!!! So much wisdom in it!!! :) The one item I’d add would be to SMILE at your husband ……often!!!! :) My husband loves it when I smile at him……he’s told me time and time again how much it makes him feel loved! :)

    And BTW…….I LOVE that picture!!!! Woohooo!:)

    • Angie Brown

      Angela, and you do have a beautiful smile for the world to see. Love you sweet friend!

  • Marisha

    I think #11 is spot on! Love it!

  • Amanda

    What wonderful words of wisdom! It’s hard to add anything to this great post.The only thing that comes to mind is to keep a submissive heart:-) My husband desires my trust and when I don’t yield to his leading he feels I don’t trust him.

  • http://www.joyfilleddays.com/ Sarah Beals

    What a keepsake that picture is for you and your husband. Loved this and shared.

  • Comstockcrew

    Dance in the kitchen with him. Kiss him in front of your children, do not hide your romance from them, its the best picture of love they will ever see!

    • Beth Colvin

      SOOOOOOOO true~

    • Molly Sloan

      My daughter is a year old and he favorite part of the day is when we kiss daddy goodbye for work. He kisses me, I kiss her and he kisses her. She wants us to repeat about 50 times before she’s satisfied!

      • http://www.facebook.com/bwavada Becki Wavada

        I love this tip! I know what a positive impact and security this can give a child in seeing that their parents are in love.

    • K8e Laine

      My parents have been married for almost 25 years and they use PDA all the time. Not even just around my brother and I at home, but everywhere; just little pecks and hand holding. My brother and I have watched them kiss and acted like we were grossed out by it, told the to get a room and all that. Even though I may be sometimes embarrassed by them, I am so thankful for their relationship. I am 18 and I cannot wait to have a love like they have someday.

    • http://www.facebook.com/hembrook2568 Dani Hembrook

      My parents never showed any PDA, it made me feel weird when I saw my friend parents hold hands and kiss because my parents never did that in front of me. When I got old enough I mentioned it to my mom and she said in her experience people who showed a lot of PDA were covering up for other prooblems. I don’t think I would go along with her way with my own family but it was her decision.

      • Guest

        Same here, my parents nevet showed any affection towards each other. My dad hated hugs/kissing. It was tough growing up as I felt cold towards guys I dated. I’m now married with kids and have a loving husband who’s the complete opposite of my father, he’s very affectionate, more than me. I’m better than I was though and I love hugging and kissing my boys:))

    • Tracy

      These are sage words of advice ! I agree… let your children see your love and tenderness toward each other. They learn to love others from the experience they have had while growing up.

    • Sarah

      You are so right. Growing up, my mom and dad would always hug, kiss and demonstrate affection in front of us. And though we would act grossed out and say things like “Ewwww, stop it, you two!” we secretly loved that our parents showed us what a loving marriage looks like.

      As well, they have always spoken kindly to one another, even when they have disagreements; the tone is always one of civility, respect, and compromise.

      And my mom and dad still pinch each other’s tushes in front of us; 36 years into marriage!

    • http://www.facebook.com/JulieIBurr Julie Burr

      This is one of my favorite tips. I still remember my parents when I was a child holding hands everywhere we went. Always giving kisses, Mom pinching Dads butt and giggling. It’s good to show children that romance stays through the years if you show each other you are still in love and in LIKE with each other.

    • Anna

      As someone who is engaged to a man strikingly similar to my father (which is a great compliment to my fiance), this is great advice. As to dancing in the kitchen, I always heard and saw my parents dancing in the kitchen, and rarely to any music but their own laughter and humming. When my now fiance took my hand and pulled me close to dance in my parents kitchen one evening, I thought maybe he had seen my parents do it or perhaps I had told him about their flair for dancing in the kitchen. He actually had no idea! It was just something that “came over” him to grab my hand and waist and waltz, spin and dip me for about five minutes before we just couldn’t keep going because we were laughing so hard. It was lovely because even though my mother and I are both dancers, my father and fiance are not wonderful dancers in the slightest though they are always the ones to initiate an impromptu dance. It’s wonderful!

      • Lizzy

        yes, I can imagine how wonderful an example parents set us by that…I can’t wait to show my kids the same…! :D

    • samisue

      I really agree with this it shows your children that it doesnt have to get boring after being married for years, that its still fun and exciting that you can still have that flare! So many people claim that they fall out of love, I dont believe that I think they chose to stop loving. True love in never ending and unconditional

    • http://twitter.com/mattress_police Lexi R

      That would be what I would add, too.

    • Lizzy

      that’s so true..! It also creates a model for them to follow upon.

  • Angie Brown

    Love your list! These are areas I am so thankful I have grown in and still growing for our marriage. I would add being silly together and being yourself. Sacrifice and do hobbies that your spouse loves and vice versa with a selfless joyful attitude. http://www.gracefullygiddy.com

  • Agsill

    Something I wish someone had told me – read the book Every Man’s Battle. If you want him to know all of you and love you anyways, you need to know all of him, and love him anyways.
    He is your brother in Christ first, and needs your love, support, and help along the way, Helpmate.

    Great post =)

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/E6WXPTE4MHB7JO3KVAKXUQDR5Y Amber

    Beautiful reminder Joy-Love this. <3 A wonderful reference for any married woman. Thank you for sharing this!

  • http://desertdwellingmama.blogspot.com/ Renia

    Never go to bed (let the sun go down) angry.
    be comfortable talking about everything. If you can’t talk about everything now it won’t happen later and may get harder. There are difficult topics but hey must be discussed.

    We may have our disagreements, but we (married 9 yrs) have found that talking about everything and anything makes it so we don’t fight or yell. It also help keep us in tune with each other. We know each other very well–scary crazy sometimes. My husband has confidence in me to speak for him at times because I know him so well.

    And yes always speak well and true of them in front of others.

    • Dawnelle123

      I have heard this advice lots and find it very true, however it took us some time to realize that sometimes discussing difficult things doesn’t mean agreeing on difficult things. There are some times when he has his opinion and I have mine and it’s best to sleep on it. Just so he always knows I love him and value his opinions and ideas even if I don’t agree with them.

  • Jdeboer_01

    Perfect! Printed it out and put it on my fridge! Such a great reminder in the middle of all the craziness we call children! :) Thanks so much!

  • Kristen Strong

    Adore this, Joy. So thankful for you, you extraordinary woman you! Love you!

  • Homeschool on the Croft

    Gonna share this list on my FB – love it! Some of my ‘additions’ have been mentioned in the comments. Don’t talk ill of him etc.
    Be nice. Touch each other. Even if you’re going through a bad spell, don’t stop giving each other than kiss when he comes home, or when he’s leaving for work etc. When he says he loves you, believe him.
    Talk – but don’t always expect him to talk back. Be comfortable with silence. After 20 years of marriage, I can *definitely* say it gets better and better.
    Oh, one more…. Just Do it ;)

  • Tricia :)

    I’ve been married for almost a year – and I feel like I should read this daily. :)

  • Jltraugott

    If you are a believer don’t marry someone who isn’t thinking that they will come around!

    • Gwatt

      I do not agree with this statement. My husband of over 5 years was not a believer but he was not against going to church with me. This past January I got the biggest surprise and a heart full of Joy when he decided to give his life to christ and was water baptised. God says to “Love God, Love People”. I try my best (sometimes failing) to live by this and I try very hard not to judge people because you just don’t know what they have been through or are going through. I try not to give up on people.

      • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

        I have to agree with Gwatt. NEITHER my husband nor I were believers and we both came to the Lord within two months of each other. With God ALL things are possible. Not some, not a teensy bit, but ALL. Many people prayed for our salvation over the course of our relationship and glory to GOD we are SAVED!

        • Sinner Saved By Grace

          Sweety…be not unequally yoked with unbelievers did not apply to you because you were equally unbelievers therefore no unequal yoke existed. The verse applies to an unbeliever and a believer. And God never breaks His Word…there are no exceptions clauses…and our liking it or not liking it has nothing to do with its validity. It merely shows the deceitfulness and sinfulness of our own hearts.

          • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

            Thank you for the clarification :) I’m always learning, and thank God for making me a heart that is always open to wisdom. When you said “It merely shows the deceitfulness and sinfulness of our own hearts” is a reminder of how I look forward to when sin is no more. It is frustrating, in all aspects of our lives, including our marriage to catch ourselves in our sin (hope that makes sense). But we have hope, that one day the spiritual warfare will end.

          • Sinner Saved By Grace

            I so look forward to eternity when my propensity to sin is done away…when I live in fully as God desires me to live each moment of each day. But until the day when the battle is ended, I need this reminder and I pass it lovingly on to whomever might be blessed…
            2Ti 4:1-8
            “I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom;
            Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
            For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
            And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
            But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
            For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.
            I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
            Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. ”
            LORD, cause me to be that faithful servant.

          • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

            This blessed me this morning :) Really, it did. Praying your sharing of the Word will convict others this morning too, offering a gentle rebuke for those of us led away from Truth today. Thank you for taking the time to share this. God bless you.

          • Lashante1

            The word of God clearly says 1 Corinthians 7:14 that the unbelieving husband is sanctified through the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through the husband. If a regular saint can lead any old unbeliever to Christ how much easier is it for a spouse to lead the one who loves them to Christ. The Lord can equal the yoke! That is not my opinion.

          • Britney

            It’s important to take that verse IN context!
            12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
            Again, this is speaking to believers who are ALREADY married, not supporting marrying an unbeliever.

          • selenna

            It also says, earlier in the passage, 8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

            This is before the whole believer/non-believer verse. It also says, immediately after, 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
            So by quoting scripture, you’re essentially also condemning the women above who divorced their unbelieving husbands and got re-married to believers.

            No one in this argument is better for marrying either a non-believer or a believer. The “only marry a believer” is sage advice, but not following it does not make you a bad Christian or doom your life to misery. Just sayin.

          • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

            it doesn’t make you a bad christian or doom your life to misery, but to live in conflict with scripture will only result in unhappiness until repentance occurs. I’ve yet to hear of or meet the Christian who was happy while living in unrepentant sin. And repentance would not mean divorce, it means accepting that any unhappiness in your marriage is a consequence of disobeying what Scripture expressly teaches and learning to love your husband, and respect him and submit to him (in a godly way), while praying for him and remembering this, ”
            Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ” Phillippians 4:11

          • Selanna

            You’re missing the point of my post. The point was, all of you ladies condemning any girls marrying unbelievers also have to condemn these ‘repentant’ Christian women who left their terrible, unbelieving husbands and are now LIVING IN SIN with their ‘wonderful’ Christian Lovers. All the high-fiving and “yea, we got rid of the miserable jerks, now we’re great people!” makes me sick. The bible says, point blank from God, if you divorce, to live alone. So, either we take the whole thing, and condemn everyone, or we say it’s open to interpretation, and follow Christ’s example and love everyone and remember that, as Jesus himself said many times, following rules doesn’t get us into heaven, but rather faith in HIM does.

          • Leigh

            There is always hope if you have already made a mistake an unbeliever, but it is wise for a believing woman prior to marriage to say will this man uphold the Word of God and treat me like Ephesians 5 calls him to. We are to desire for our husbands to be obedient unto the Lord before committing in a covenant relationship. It shows that we have placed even his eternal destination over our own happiness. He is to “love his wife like Christ loved the church”. If this is not evident, then it is not following God’s design and in the long run your own true happiness. Believe me I lived in that scenario as a child from a believer and nonbeliever. It even stresses your children out, but me like my mom still have not lost hope.

          • Eva Romero

            Amen! I’ve been reading the replies and yours brought a smile to my face this morning.

      • Hannah

        I am 100% with Gwatt. jltraugott states a good basic rule, but sometimes the Lord breaks his own rules. He made it very clear that the man he chose for me was not a believer, and still isn’t, but I know that one day he will follow Gwatt’s husband. The most important thing is that every decision of significance should be at his leading.

        • Kelly

          No, the Lord NEVER breaks his own rules. It would go against his character, he knows all that has been or will be. It is not as if a particular circumstance caught him by surprise and he changed his mind. If he were not perfect, not only could we not trust him or his word, but he would not be God. If you feel lead to do something that is in direct contradiction to an explicit command of scripture, you can be certain that it is not the Holy Spirit that you are hearing. He can redeem and restore us even from these actions of willful disobedience, but He longs for our total obedience. (see 2 Tim 3:16, 2 0et 1:20-21, 1 Cor 2:13, Luke 6:46)

          • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

            I briefly stated my testimony below. However, I do think you are right in your comment, Kelly. I agree with Gwatt that there are testimonies (like mine) when our unbelieving spouses or selves come to the Lord at some point in a marriage. On the other hand, I also see Jltraugott’s point if the person you plan to marry doesn’t know the Lord and has no desire to know Him, then don’t marry that person. I think my and my husband’s story is one of redemption, as you stated. I agree that the Lord never breaks His own rules and that He does long for our total obedience. I am so thankful for His mercy and grace every day, the work He perfectly performs in each and every one of our marriages.

          • Meg

            Kelly — I’m surprised at your very definitive use of the word “NEVER.” I think for us to say the Lord NEVER breaks his own rules, disregards the fact that he sent his one and only son to save all people, and not just the Israelite people. If he never breaks his own rules, why would he have sent his son? Additionally, it is mentioned in the Bible, specifically in the Old Testament that the Lord did change his mind — Exodus 32 : 14. There are several translations of this, including the Lord changed His mind, the Lord relented and the Lord repented. All of which clearly states that the Lord does indeed change his mind. Who are we to definitively state the action of the Lord, or the leading of the Holy Spirit. To do so would be to place Him into a context significantly smaller than He is.

            One more point, directed toward the overall context of this conversation. If we are to rejoice in the action of someone coming to the Lord and celebrate with them, how is it that the primary concern of this conversation has been the judgement of whether or not Gwatt’s decision to marry an “unequally yoked man”? Should we not be celebrating and not sit in judgement? Gwatt — I’m so happy for you and your husband that he has come to love the Lord. What an amazing time to celebrate, and such a VICTORIOUS day for the Lord!

        • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

          Yeah, I agree with Kelly, he never breaks his own rules. What is your source or example for making that statement? You surely won’t find one in Scripture, or history….

          Oh, and to Meg’s comment. He does not break His own rule by sending His Son. Your comment sounds as though you are not fully realizing that God the Father and the Son and the Spirit are ONE Triune God, and the message of the Gospel is that without the sacrifice of a Incarnate and Perfect God, we have no hope of Salvation.
          Also, Exodus is an example of God using men’s prayer as a “second cause”…in other words, while to men it may look like they ask and God changes His mind (as Moses states in Exodus) it is really just God displaying that He uses our prayers as a second cause to reach what was always His desired effect. James 1:17 clearly states, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

          We do not limit God in this way, when we state that He never breaks His own rules…the word “rules” as used by Hannah originally, is to say, His commandments. God stops the sun, causes and ax-head to float and a sea to part in the OT, which is clearly against the rules of physics, of which He is the Author and Creator, but that is not the same as breaking His commandments. Doing that would make Him a liar, which, God forbid, He can never be.
          Numbers 23:19,
          “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind.
          Does he speak and then not act?

          Does he promise and not fulfill?”

      • Sara

        This is not a matter of your opinion. If you believe the Bible, it says very clearly: “Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers…” 2 Corinthians 6:14
        That is a fact that has nothing to do with emotion.
        Why don’t you wait until they are saved (not giving up) before marrying them?
        I’m just sayin’ :-)

        • Megan

          Sara, I have to say I agree with you here. My ex-husband was a non-beleiver and also went to church with me. He was also physically, emotionally and sexually abusive. After we started attending church THE ABUSE got worse because then he found Bible verses that “went along” with his abusive ways. Praise God that he delivered me from that situation and now I am married to a wonderful God fearing man.

          It is in my opinion very “risky” to marry a man and think that one day he will be saved because he may not. I agree with you when you say you should wait until they are saved if you are not married. Because living with someone unequally yoked is VERY difficult.

          (Oh and I don’t believe this pertains to a man and woman who were not believers before marriage, got married, and then one spouse became saved. That is a difference scenerio.)

          • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

            I enjoyed reading your testimony, Megan. I have a couple friends who are recently divorced, both of whom are saved with unbelieving (former) husbands. Both husbands were emotionally abusive and both had affairs. I think testimonies like yours can encourage women like them, that men like your husband do indeed exist. Sometimes it is nice to hear a message of hope rather than a turn up of a nose over their decision to divorce, which is what they often get – even from fellow Christians :-/ I know I often struggle myself with “how I feel” vs what is Biblical – partly because I’m a new believer and out of ignorance. I think coming across humble, honest and transparent about our marriage testimonies can help both believers and unbelievers. Having been an unbeliever for 24 years of my life, it took believers who were that way to even get me to listen to anything Jesus-related.

          • meighan

            You’re both jokes.

        • Jewels

          In Hosea 1 God told him to marry a prostitute to prove a point about Isreal. She clearly was a nonbeliever. I totally understand that God wants godly men and women together. However, I think God can be bigger than a rule. If God makes it clear that someone who is a nonbeliever is right for you then he is. I prayerfully considered my marriage to my husband. I know in my heart our marriage is right and I know God is going to use our marriage to bring my husband back to God. I would also like to point out that just because a person doesn’t believe in God doesn’t mean they will be abusive or unsupportive. I know no one said that it just seemed like the conversation was pointing that way as the next few comments discuss some unfortunate circumstances.

          • Amyers09

            Hosea was the old testament which was nailed to the cross with Jesus. We have been commanded to live by the NT today so your point above is not in accordance with God’s word that we are to live by today. However this being said I am very thankful to God that your husband committed his life to serving the Lord.

          • Diana

            Just FYI the Old Testament was never nailed to the cross… If it had been why would Paul go on to later say in Romans 7:12 ” So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.”?? It was the certificate of debt against us that was nailed to the cross and paid for in full by our Messiah’s atoning blood. Just a side note when Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” he was referring to the Old Testament because the NT hadn’t been compiled yet. I just couldn’t stay silent on this one… it’s a dangerous road to say God is done with part of the Bible, He surely is not. If we aren’t supposed to live by anything in the OT, then why does Hebrews refer to all the great men that have gone before us in the faith— Abraham, Enoch, Noah, Abel, Jacob etc. We have so much to learn for the whole of Scripture… really don’t. throw. away. part. of. God’s. word. :-(

          • Amanda

            ” I think God can be bigger than a rule. If God makes it clear that someone who is a nonbeliever is right for you then he is. ”

            - God can be bigger than a rule? A “rule” that was His? … If God truly makes it clear to you that a “nonbeliever” is “right for you,” the real answer might not be “go for it, sister!” but “wait!”

            There was a very sweet couple at my church that was “unequally yoked,” but the man in the relationship, being a believer, would not ask her to marry him unless she came to Christ. Christ got ahold of her heart, and they were married about 2 months ago :)

          • Joy

            Jewels, while I don’t doubt that your husband is a wonderful guy and you are happy that you are married to him, I would caution you to be careful with this line of thinking. If we take the line of thought, “God is bigger than the rule” then why would we follow any of His teachings for us, in the NT particularly, at all? If we simply think that God’s teachings to us {which is for our benefit, not just to follow a “set of rules”} are optional, then why read them at all? I am thrilled that this scenario worked out for you, and truly thankful to the Lord for your story, but I really don’t think that we should look at marrying an unbeliever as a good option. Can God use a situation that isn’t in line with His Word? Absolutely, as obviously He did in this instance. Should we not live in accordance to His Word because He can fix situations after the fact? No, I don’t think that is wise logic. Have a great day!!

        • http://www.MomKaboodle.com Stephanie (MomKaboodle)

          And yet, 1 Peter 3:1-2 says:

          “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

          (Posting this for those of us who are already married to unbelievers, not the folks that have yet to marry.)

          • Joy

            Good words for those who are already married to unbelievers. :) Thanks for sharing.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Marie-Heap/1111774966 Lisa Marie Heap

          And… here it is. Christian adherence to a 2000 year old book. NONE of you follow all the rules in that book because it is completely outdated. What other beliefs from the bronze age do we cling to? None. Way to trot out a verse to put some one else down. Can I just say that this list is ridiculous, starting with the fact that both partners are both sinners. The concept of being born a sinner. . . any of you out there have infants? I don’t yet but I watched this video the other day and I find it heinous that whatever child I do have according to this line of belief is already born flawed, needing repentance.(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rwioe1SGkQ&feature=plcp) Sometimes I think people of faith mistake being sinners with being human. No one is perfect. We learn and we grow. I do not need a god to do this, only myself and my internal compass. Do we really need phillipians to tell us that life isn’t all about us all the time? (DUH) Do I really need a god to find to find worth and security outside of my husband? No. I have nurtured and found these things in myself. This is the great problem facing Christianity. The rules are too rigid. Either we should have compassion for nonbelievers or we should shun/kill/convert them. The bible says both, so every believer makes a choice. Maybe if you thought about it hard enough you would concede that the bible says a lot of stuff, some really loving stuff and some incredibly terrible stuff. You can find a verse to justify really anything you’d like to do and then call it righteous – but that doesn’t make it so.

          • Joy

            Hi Lisa Marie, I have to really disagree with you and some of your assumptions and/or beliefs about the Bible, but I am glad that you feel free to voice your opinions in a kind and respectful way. Thanks for joining us and I appreciate you stopping by!

          • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

            Hi Lisa Marie,
            I’m glad you voiced your problems with both God’s Word & Christianity as a whole, and that you did so in an open forum where others have a chance to try and explain some of what are easily perceived as inconsistencies and problems.

            Christianity is not about rules. It’s about slavery. You are either a slave to your inborn sinful nature, or you are a slave to Christ. What you do, you do for yourself, or what you do you do out of love for a God that loved you before you even knew Him. The natural man hates God because to love God means you have to lay down pride and selfishness which define Him. And, yes, we are born that way because 1 Cor. 15:22, ”
            For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. ” and again, Romans 5:19, ”
            For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. ”

            We know and accept that infants unborn and born are as able to die, and have done so many time, as any child, adult or elderly person is, and this is so because of the Original Sin of Adam and Eve. Learning that your child is subject to death because of sin imputed to them because of this, should not enrage you, but should impassion you to pray for your child and seek to teach them truth from God’s Word with the hope that God will save them as He has saved you, in regards to parents who believe.

            Also, the Bible has been preserved and translated into the common language for thousands of years by faithful men and women. Papyrus scraps with NT gospels have been found dating to within 5-10 years of Christ’s death. Oh, and Homer’s Iliad has less consistency in its upkeep, but it still falls within the scholar’s standards of determining if something is true to the original text…Lee Strobel’s Case for Christ and Case for Faith give some of the best imperical evidence for belief in the word of God AND he did all the research for it as an unbeliever because he wanted to write a book proving the Bible couldn’t be trusted – but found hard evidence that in can be, instead, and has since converted to Christianity.
            So, with an established reason for trusting God’s Word to begin with, then we can say for certain that we do not “trot out verses to put someone down” but rather that, in love, we want to share verses in a scenario like this one (open forum) to encourage and edify others to love and obey God and His commandments.
            As to following the rules because its outdated – the OT and NT show two different covenants (how God relates to man) and in the OT, you see ceremonial laws that were kept because Christ had not died and risen again. In the NT, when He does, we are freed from keeping those laws and we are bound by love to obey His commandments.
            Oh, and we should have compassion for unbelievers, but that should lead us to share the Gospel with them, because, referring to Christ, “…there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven, given among men, by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Marie-Heap/1111774966 Lisa Marie Heap

            Why was my comment deleted? I don’t think unborn and born infants can die because of original sin, I think we all die eventually because that is the reality of life. Cats and dogs can die. Do they also fall under original sin? Nothing in the world is immortal.
            And yes, it does enrage me that people teach perfectly innocent children that they were born flawed, held responsible for something they didn’t do to someone a long time before they were born (the crucifixion). Don’t you think it’s just a little bit coincidental that all of your parents just so happened to choose the one true religion? You know that Muslims and Hindus believe they are also correct.

          • Joy

            I deleted your comment because my moderation marked the video you linked to as spam. I was not able to load it, and since I didn’t know what it was, I felt it best to delete it. Thanks for understanding. You are free to express your opinions here as long as you keep it friendly, kind, and civil. Thanks!
            Regardless of what you think, this is what we believe and your arguments really aren’t going to dissuade me. :) But thank you for sharing your opinion in a kind and respectful way!! God bless you!

          • Julie

            I also believe that children are innocent at birth. My church teaches that children are not held accountable for their sins until they are 8 years old, and that Christ died for our sins so that we wouldn’t have to be held accountable if we follow his teachings and repent. Even those who crucified Him can be forgiven. (Those who have not heard the gospel before their deaths have the opportunity to do so afterwards)
            And everyone has some portion of the truth. I do believe that my parents chose the one true church, and I am thankful for it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean everyone else is totally wrong.

          • David Nancy

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          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Marie-Heap/1111774966 Lisa Marie Heap

            Yeah, you kind of lost me with the ‘Christianity IS slavery’ opener. I choose not to be a slave. I think slavery is and was wrong. Any all knowing being who would demand slavery and unceasing worship does not sound very enlightened to say the least. Likewise, I disagree with the bible on its stance on slavery. I fail to see how since the bible is more reliable than the Iliad then. . . it is completely trustworthy??? A rudimentary search on the origins, time span, and congruency of the bible yields the result that it has been tinkered by an unknown number of authors through several editions… I’m sorry but we must not base the evidence of god’s existence on a 2000 year old holy text. The Koran and the hadith are even older. They also claim to be the word of god. You failed to mention the sword as a fairly effective means of spreading the true faith. The church has a VERY bloody history. It is only now that I am free from being immediately sentenced to death that I can speak in open opposition to the church. Non religiously affiliated people are increasing in number, perhaps due to this modern day freedom of being able to say “there is no god” without the mob physically setting upon you. That would seem a pretty effective way to keep everyone in line.

          • Joy

            I agree that slavery was not a good way to start that. Slavery as we think of it obviously has a terrible connotation because of our history of it. In the time of the Bible(which has a much better foundation than you claim, a ” rudimentary search” could not reveal the true background of the Bible because the internet is so full of false information you would have to go very deep and talk to people that know what they are talking about from having done detailed searching) slavery was when you had someone working for you for a certain period of time to pay back a debt or for a similar reason, at the end of that time they would be free to discontinue their position as slave. Some slaves though would CHOOSE to continue working for their master out of love, those slaves were marked with an earring and called bond slaves. That is the kind of slave that we should be compared to in respect to our relationship with christ… or the world (Satan) whichever applies.
            Also in reference to the bloody history of Christianity, I obviously know the truth in that statement and I agree that it is extremely terrible how people were treated. But I would like to remind you that those things were done by humans… sinful humans, we make mistakes, I am in no way excusing those people. I am simply saying that they are not good examples of what a christian is, I would not say that those people were even Christians, but I do not know their hearts. In summary, Christianity has gotten a terrible reputation from all of the mistakes that people who claim Christianity have made. God is the only one who can be the perfect representation of a Christian. We are simply humans trying to be “Christians” meaning “Christ followers”, we still make mistakes but if we are truly Christians we try our best to follow Christ exactly out of our love for him and all that he has done for us.
            I am sorry for all that we as Christians have done to turn you away for the beautiful love of Christ.

            I hope you actually took the time to read this, sorry it was so long. I love you. And I hope you understand it all a little better now.

        • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

          That’s true, Sara, it’s not. But no one wants to admit to being at fault. More than that, if its something they’ve already done and its irreversible (except for extreme and very specific reasons) they like it even less. The fact is, in order to keep your sin unconfessed, you must distance yourself from Him,because His Light would reveal it to you, and you don’t want to confront it. The truth does set you free though (John 8:32), and accepting that your past action WAS, in fact, a sin before God, according to His Word, confessing it sets you free to come before God with a clean conscience.

      • Tina

        My first husband wasn’t a believer when we first started dating either. Then he “converted” but then I found out several years later it was all one big lie to “keep me” and he was just “playing Church”. The Bible says not to be unequally yoked, so keep that in mind. We can never really know the state of a man’s soul but their actions, reactions, and church involvement through their lives will give us a good indicator. That’s why it’s risky to marry a recent convert. As my mom says “Let the fruits of the Spirit do the talking, they’ll shine through if he has really changed”.

      • Callahanjennifer84

        I am rejoicing with you, Gwatt, but your story is an exception. Marry a solid believer, true and tested, or do not marry

        • Jesusfreakjolietlarson

          I think that is really harsh what she chooses to do marrying a non-believe or not is her decision and she is responsible before God for it who are you to tell her not to every marry if she falls in love with a non-believer!?!

          • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

            We are not the ones telling her not to marry an unbeliever. Look how many people are quoting Paul in the NT specifically telling the early church NOT to marry unbelievers.

            It’s not our opinion…don’t kill the messenger… :) If you do not like the repeated quoting of the verse and the encouragement to follow what Scripture teaches, then your problem is not with the people quoting it, but its source…so you will need to take it up with God.

        • Following God

          In total agreement!!! Do NOT find POTENTIAL of any kind, whether it is that they are open to believing or open to discussing them stopping drinking or are amazing men with lots of problems! Husband of 13 years was full of potential which he has done nothing with and left, emotionally scarring our kids and me. BF of 7 years was a former, but very broken pastor with more potential than I could ever imagine, but in the end alcohol and drugs were his women. God showed me what I was settling for and then gave me an AMAZING man who walks with the Lord, leads me to love the Lord more and more, and is far from perfect, but is not full of potential…he is full of CHARACTER! If you cannot live with the man if he never changed or got worse, walk away! And for the record…Jesus said He came to fulfill the Law, not to do away with it, so no, God does not break His own rules…not ever.

      • Alana

        I understand where you’re coming from, and I’m happy for you, but unfortunately, you’re experience is the exception to the rule. My mom is a Christian, my dad isn’t. They have been married for 31 years. We are believing that he WILL come to know God, but it’s made things so much harder for my mom. The Bible clearly states “Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers…” 2 Corinthians 6:14 . I’ve seen what it does to people.. to my family to have one person a Christian and the other not. Several of my siblings have made the same mistake. I will not. If he’s not a Christian, he’s not even an option for me.

        • Christina

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      • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

        It’s not about giving up on someone. It is a biblical exhortation “What has light to do with darkness” and how can you share your life with someone who isn’t a believer when Christ is your life? It’s not to say the unsaved spouse can’t come around, its to say it is un-biblical and unwise for a Christian to put themselves into an “unequally yoked” marriage. We are to Love God and Love People, but Christ says, “If you love me, obey my commandments”

      • Knzy93

        I see there is plenty of opinions that have already been expressed on this subject, but I too want to weigh in and give my two sense. I didn’t read every comment because there are a lot here but from what I did read there are only two sides to be represented here, agree or disagree. So with that being said, I agree wholeheartedly with @c9ad720af21353682eff8b2a3417036d:disqus. And with all do respect @78caf9cc827a8ee621a076410dbaff15:disqus There are several ways 2 Cor. 6:14 can be interpreted. For example you could be unequally yoked with someone if you are the only one putting any effort into your relationship; and waiting for them to “come around” is not always possible. I am not married but I am going strong in a relationship of a year and a half (not long I know) with a nonbeliever he is open minded and we talk about christ all the time but he just doesn’t want to profess christianity because he sees no tangible proof of Gods existence. We completely disagree. However, I know that this is exactly where God wants me and theres no doubt in my mind that I will be married to this boy someday. Just because someone else’s relationship doesn’t look like the normal relationship doesn’t mean its wrong. It isn’t our job to be The holy spirit for anyone as surprising as it sounds God has that taken care of. Jesus Christ didn’t look normal to anyone when he was here so why do we all get our panties in a twist when someone is doing something “out of the box” Jesus entire life was completely out of the box! There are situations, more times than not, that marrying a nonbeliever is a decision out of selfish desires. But as christians and followers of christ we cannot be so quick to judge any situation. It isn’t really anyone else’s business to judge at all. with that being said I would not recommend dating a nonbeliever but if God calls you to be that strong woman and stand up and look a little different don’t argue with him. I have learned so much through my boyfriend about the gospel and what unbiased love and sacrifice looks like I am so thankful God has put him in my life. I am blessed beyond belief to have my boyfriend and I cant wait until the day when he turns to christ I believe with all my heart he will, and if we are married before he does so be it I will follow christ where ever he leads me!

      • Elizabeth Williams

        A lot of people choose someone of a differnt faith or with no faith, sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. It is a gable, but any person is. I have seen marriages ruined over one person stopping their common beliefs. I think it depends on a lot. But I know I am greatful I married within my religion. When my parents were married they were non demoninational, years after their divorce my mom re-married a guy that she grew up with, and they both went to the church they had been raised in. Growing up for me was difficult because I did not know who to go to church with or who’s was more right. It was a conflict I hope my children never sturggle with. I was very blessed because my father supported me to going to church with my mother from the time I was 11 on. It was my choice, but it was a hard one. When my children ask me about it, I will let them know that I want them to marry in our religion. Church can bring a familiy together in a very powerful way.

        • Rachel

          the problem with that is that you should pick your own religion, it shouldn’t be based on what you’re parents do,I don’t think you can truly believe something unless you feel it in your heart.. furthermore,you shouldn’t force your children tobelieve something.I know this is a hard thing to do, because you,as a parent want to see your children saved,but they won’t truly believe if they are forced to do so.

      • Violet

        I think the point Jltraugott was trying to make was don’t marry someone with the expectation that they will change. You have to accept people as they are, not as you want them to be. It is of course entirely possible that a nonbeliever may come to faith, but if you choose to marry someone who does not believe, it is important to accept that they may never believe (although they should always respect your belief). This is true for all things, not just faith…for example, don’t marry someone who is bad with money thinking that being married will change their spending habits! They might, of course, but if you go into a relationship expecting a change, you could very well be disappointed.

    • Shiloh

      Just because some is a believer may not make him/her right for you. If you are not supposed to be with someone and the Lord urges you to break it, then you are still going against the will of God for your life. The unequally yoked passage has a lot more depth of meaning than just being or not being together with a non-believer.

      • Erica_cobb

        In the grand scheme of things, whether its believing the same things religiously or just having difference of opinions on other things, you have to know who you are marrying. You cant go into something as important as marriage thinking you can change a person, because unless they want to, you cant. If you dont love them just the way they are, dont bother. My dad married my mom thinking he could change her. He couldnt. And i am just like her! (thankfully my fiance knows thia and there are of course things we will disagree on, but we know how to work them out and agree to disagree. I know ill never change his mind, and vice versa) but on important issues, such as christianity and believing.. I couldnt marry someone who did not.

    • SarahR

      I believe you are right. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and 7 months. The last 7 months we were engaged. I had to break it off though because of our religious differences (and a few other problems). I thought I could deal with it and I thought I could change him. But in these last few months I got tired of dealing with it and scared to marry him. Im not saying he won’t ever change cause I PRAY that he does. But I couldn’t let myself marry someone hoping they would change, it just would of lead to divorce in the future. :(

    • Kneogh

      C.H. Spurgeon agreed with you:
      There was a great man in London called Spurgeon – a very great man of God. One day a young woman in his church came to him and said, ‘Mr Spurgeon, I want to marry a man.’ Mr. Spurgeon said, ‘Is he a Christian like yourself?’ ‘No, sir, he’s not. But,’ she said; ‘I want to marry him because I want to make him a Christian.’ ‘Oh, do you?’ said Spurgeon. ‘Right, come into my study,’ he said. ‘Now,’ said Spurgeon, ‘you stand on the table and I’ll stand on the floor.’ So she climbed up on the chair and onto the table. Spurgeon put his hand up and said, ‘Now pull me up onto the table!’ Of course, it was ridiculous; she wasn’t strong enough to do that. ‘Try harder,’ said Spurgeon; ‘pull me up onto the table!’ She couldn’t do it. ‘All right,’ said Spurgeon, ‘I’ll see if I can pull you off the table’ – which he quickly did of course, and she jumped down. What was the lesson from that? Mr. Spurgeon said to the young woman, ‘It’s much, much easier to pull someone down than to lift someone up. If you marry a non-Christian you could spend the rest of your life regretting it. You won’t lift them to God.’ There are very, very few times when people do do that, but most of the time it doesn’t work. Make sure that the man or the woman you marry is a Christian. That’s one lesson.

    • Elena

      I definitely agree with this. My 21-year old daughter is in love with a man who is an atheist and they hope to marry one day. He’s a wonderful guy and he clearly loves my daughter. I’ve tried warning her about being unequally yoked and all the problems that could result (raising children, etc.). She told me that if he isn’t a believer then he wouldn’t mind what she taught their children to which I replied there’s so much more to it than that. What happens in 10-15 years when she changes and grows and wants a more serious relationship with God? What happens if she’s in the mist of a trial and she and her husband can’t share that spiritual connection? I’ve just seen too many marriages damaged by this sort of thing. If there has ever been a problem between my husband and myself, if I feel wronged, I can go to him and show him from the Bible where the problem lies and he responds positively. Every single time. He does the same for me. No, we’re far from perfect yet this God connection we share has absolutely made our relationship run more smoothly.

    • TJ

      This is so true! 10 years ago when I wanted to marry my husband, our Pastor tried to tell me ~ I refused to listen and found another pastor to do the job (one who was more tolerant of the “unequally yoked” couples). I love my husband and we’ve been together through a lot of ups and downs in our 10 years of marriage but there is something missing. He was always a very open-minded man and very supportive of my faith but was not interested in joining me in faith or in church. He’s gone to church with me a few times and the messages I hear are encouraging and uplifting and solidly biblical teaching us the way we should live our lives and sharing the good news that if we mess up, Jesus died on the cross to save us. On the other hand, the message my husband hears at the exact same meeting is that there is no hope for him and that he might as well just walk away. He hears “double-talk” and the pastor contradicting himself because Satan has a hold of his heart and hardens it to the message of hope. God urges us to marry with believers because he wants His best for us. If you are settling for an unbeliever, you are settling for less than God’s best. He wired us, as women, to need (whether you want to admit it or not) guidance and leadership in our lives and our home and He put those exact qualities into the Godly men that He would have us marry. My husband has left me in charge of our home 100% from the beginning of our marriage – I am responsible for keeping our household running smoothly, for our finances, and for our daughter. It doesn’t sound like much but it is a very large and difficult burden to carry and I long for him to help me, to lead me. We’ve talked about it but he doesn’t understand this need because he is a non-believer, he doesn’t understand that I NEED him to be the leader in our home. I haven’t given up hope that he will come to know Jesus as His Lord and savior, because with God all things are possible; however, he has verbally indicated to me more than once that Christianity is just “not my thing”. This pains me terribly and breaks my heart. He is a good man, he provides for our family and is not in any way abusive but I feel like there’s so much more to a marriage and it’s missing in mine. I pray that God will not let me down and that my husband will be saved soon.

      Another point for not marrying a non-believer is this. The values of believers and non-believers are different. I understand that a believing man should also not marry an unbelieving woman – and I feel like the reasons are the same; however, like I said before, women are created to be led by our husbands – this is God’s design. That being said, an unbelieving husband will balk at doing the right thing on some points; then we compromise our own values to please our husbands. This is NOT God’s plan for us and it is in direct violation of covenant with God. An example (but by no means the only point) would be the tithe. A non-believing husband will not feel compelled to share 10% of the income that he’s worked hard for, just because the bible says he should. His idea would be that the church’s budget is way more flexible than his. How can God bless and grow a seed not planted? Another example would be something like pornography, to a non-believing adult, there is nothing wrong with watching or looking at pornography; a believing wife might be persuaded to do things with or for her husband, that he would NEVER ask her to do, were he saved. The list could go on forever!

      I’m happy for Gwatt and covet the prayers of all who read this, that my husband will come to know Jesus, but this is my experience and I felt like I needed to share it in light of the conversation thread here.

      Have a blessed day (0=

    • Marci

      I hope you are all women and no man gets on and reads this otherwise you are breaking the rules by teaching men a thing or two about what the Bible says. I also hope all you keep quiet in church since that is also against “the rules”.

      • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

        I’m glad for your statements. I think alot of women feel this way, and its nice for someone to voice it so that it can be addressed by contextual Scriptural arguments.

        Making statements about our beliefs in a PUBLIC forum that are accessible by both sexes in no way transgresses the word of God. The passage in 1 Timothy 2, is related to activities in the church. Paul was writing to Timothy and was telling him things relating to the overseeing of the church in Ephesus…he continues in Chapter 3 with qualifications for Deacons, Elders, etc.

        Also, we are not forbidden to speak in church, the context is “to learn in silence with all submission”…clearly referring to the preaching and teaching of the Word by the pastor, and “not to teach or have authority over men” again relating to the preaching in the church, not to speaking in general, or in reference to any other location

        ~Lisa S.

    • gp

      AMEN!!!

  • Sara Nist

    PLAY with your husband! After 14 years of marriage, we realized we had become a little too serious and dutiful. We took up playing tennis together (something we had not done since before kids), and voila! Our “play” took us back to that fun, flirtatious place where couples so often start but don’t very often end.

    • Renee Alter

      Go to the playground together & swing on the swings, too.

    • Lisa Hof

      I totally agree! We started playing frisbee together, although it was supposed to be to exercise the dog! We laugh, and have a great time while exercising together ;o)

    • Beth Colvin

      AMEN!

  • amanda arwe

    great list! i’ve been married almost 11 years, and one lesson i had to learn the hard way was to take care of myself, because i was always so worried about taking care of others, it left me empty and frustrated with my husband for not taking care of me. once i learned to do self-care, then it gave me space to see where he was trying to care for me and to communicate with him what i actually needed from him. basically, instead of working on someone else, work on yourself. there’s a much better rate of success that way. :)

  • http://myhometableau.com/ Johanna Hanson

    Marriage is a covenant…before God. Accepting him for who he is, and accepting his personality is huge!

  • Sheri Speegle

    I love this…and am thinking of making a copy and adding our own thoughts and figuring out a way to make it up for our kiddos (8) for their weddings…or better yet introducing these thoughts to my girls now… so that they are prepared for marriage later our oldest daughter is 15.

  • Christina Y.

    Communication is key! Talk to your husband, let him talk to you and most importantly – truly LISTEN! Often times, we can find ourselves engaged in a conversation but not fully listening to what our spouse is saying. My husband and I have learned that we’re totally connected when we truly listen to one another and keep up our communication. I particularly love #1 on Joy’s list. Forgiveness is so important! Thanks, Joy, for once again writing an awesome post! God bless you!

  • http://snailpacetransformations.com/ Victoria Huizinga

    I would add dates don’t have to be fancy. My husband and I spent yesterday afternoon snuggled side by side in our bed him napping and me reading and it was HEAVEN. Until the kids got hungry and came and sought us out for food! LOL

  • Gwatt

    I love this! In a struggling point but giving up is not an option. I would add: Tell him you love him every chance that you get…even if you are angry…never leave or hang up the phone without telling him how much you care…life is too short as it is.

  • Katielramsey

    I love this post! I remember getting lots of marriage advice like, “Make sure you both get the same amount of spending money” or “make sure you both share 50% of the responsibility around the house” It was all about making sure things are fair. But, marriage isn’t about fair! I wish I had received this advice! Thank you so much for sharing!

    • HomeschoolontheCroft

      Definitely agree with you that it’s not about looking to see if you’re getting ‘your fair share’. I’ve discovered that the more I give, the more I (then) get’ … not in *stuff* but in being loved and cherished etc.

    • Elizabeth Williams

      It is the difference between a contract marriage and a Godly Marriage. when it is a contract is is a chore, or a job, you don’t associate the word contract with the Lord. A Godly marriage is one where you are both working hard to make the other person happy and a better person, not making sure he did the dishes because you did the laundry.

  • Lee

    Little secrets lead to bigger secrets. Don’t lie or mislead about things like groceries or shopping because it won’t be long before it’s a big web of secrets and lies.

    Don’t tell your friends, associates, or coworkers about your problems with him, tell HIM, now, and figure out a way to fix things, even if it means that your perception was wrong. The success of the marriage is the important part, not whether you or he was right.

    • Cwrcnn

      Lee, I totally agree with you about not lying to or keeping things from your husband. I also agree that it is best not to confide things in your friends, associates, or coworkers about what is going on in your marriage. Very rarely do any of these really believe in the statement: “If it’s confidential, don’t repeat it!” They usually end up telling what you have confided in them to their circle of friends and associates!
      Thus, it’s best to try to work things out between yourselves and pray that God will help you both through the rough times!!

  • Kyle

    Put #8 as #1. When you BOTH seek God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit, everything else falls into place.

  • http://www.moretobe.com/ Elisa Pulliam

    This is a great list! I’ll be adding it to the links on my Pinterest for More to Be and spreading the word, too. Love it!

  • http://www.reachinghiskids.blogspot.in/ Ingrid

    A dear older friend (who was married for 63 years) always said, “Kid, after the first 20 years, it’s smooth sailing.” I loved that! She said it took her and George 20 years to really get to know each other and figure their relationship out. George went “home” after 63 years of marriage. She followed him about 8 years later. I sincerely hope they are hanging out in heaven.

  • SueBE

    What a fantastic list! Here are a few things I’d add:

    *Figure out what is right for the two of you. It doesn’t matter if it is what his sister does or your best friend. You have to figure out what is right for you and your marriage.

    *If he needs to work extra hours to pay for everything you sign the kids up for and all of the things that you “need,” don’t complain when he has to work so many hours.

    *Tell him when he does something you appreciate.

    –SueBE

    • Joy

      Oh SueBe, I love your number two…it took me a long time to figure out that one. :)

  • Dina Martin

    OH! I am really blessed by your list…and it would be really hard to add to it. Well said! My husband and I have been together for 30 years. I would add to number 18…that the reason it gets better, is that feelings are not the foundation any more…you both learn what TRUE LOVE is…as you learn HIS love for you.

  • Dina Martin

    OH! I am really blessed by your list…and it would be really hard to add to it. Well said! My husband and I have been together for 30 years. I would add to number 18…that the reason it gets better, is that feelings are not the foundation any more…you both learn what TRUE LOVE is…as you learn HIS love for you.

  • Pamela

    I believe that grasping #1 and #9 is very important. We are two sinners and we need to beable to forgive each other. Also because we are sinners we are not perfect and so we can not be everything that the other needs. Because we need Christ and only Christ can fill the emptyness in our heart.

    I will be celebrating my 10th Anniversary next month. I feel very blessed that God blessed me with my man. My husband holds my hands and says ” look at that our hands fit so perfectly togeher, it is like God custom made us for each other”. I love that man.

  • LMR

    I’ve been married 4 years today, and I would agree! I would add that marriage is a 100%/100% commitment. The danger in thinking it is 50/50 is that if a husband or wife doesn’t do “their part” then a gap is left over. A tiny example is taking care of the house. If it is my husband’s job to vacuum, and he doesn’t do it this week, I could become resentful because “he didn’t keep his end of the bargain”. However, if we BOTH see the house as 100% of our responsibility, things function a lot better! (I know this household idea doesn’t apply to some marriages because of jobs and work schedules, but it is just an example).

  • Kimh1

    What a lovely post!! I have been married 32 years now and it does get better and better with each year, it could be that I know that each year time grows shorter and each passing year more precious. We have raised our six children together and now have grand children and when he drives into the driveway my knees still get weak. You are very wise and I love your list so much. I don’t know how I could be married this long because it has passed by in a breath, but oh so worth it. God is the secret to it all and His word and the foundation that keeps it all moving and growing. I would say, Respect is the key to it all.

  • http://www.barefoothippiegirl.com/ Barefoot Hippie Girl

    Love this list. I agree-after almost 11 years-it truly does get better. And better. And BETTER.=)
    And, passion goes through seasons. I don’t think it fades. But being pregnant with number 4, and nursing number 4, really made things hard. It was hormonal. Because once the nursing slowed down (after 10 months) and my period came back, everything else realigned too.

    • Joy

      totally agree with you about the passion. It changes during seasons of marriage, doesn’t it?! :)

  • Mdallinm

    Great advice!

  • Kiwifruits827

    I love this list and will keep it to share with my little boy someday. When it comes to comparing, I always say that the grass may be greener on the other side simply because it’s been given more manure. :) You don’t know what is really going on in other relationships and you should just invest and be happy in your own.

    I let my husband know that he is my favorite person and tell him WHY I love him every chance that I get. It makes a big difference to let them know WHY we love them instead of just spitting out ‘I love you’ or ‘I love you too’ in response.

    • tricia

      My pastor is a fan of saying, “If the grass looks greener on the other side, maybe you forgot to water your lawn!” LOL!

      • Joanna

        I’ve also heard “If the grass looks greener on the other side, you just can’t see the poop from here” ha ha!
        I love that list, by the way… thank you for the good reminder! I’m married to a wonderful, faithful, godly man, but after two children, buying a fixer house and being married almost five years life gets full and exhausting and I need the reminder to still be his sweetheart. Thanks!
        One thing I would add to the list is, to make the effort to take care of yourself for your husband. Remember how anxious you were to look good for him, smell good, pretty up your hair, watch your weight etc… when you were dating? It’s easy to just “let go” and be a frump, hey, I was up with the baby 10 times last night! Forget it! I know my hubby really appreciates that I make the effort to walk, watch what I eat, do my hair the way he likes it, etc… Those little things make a man feel honored and loved. Just my 2 cents :)

    • Joy

      Amen!

  • tricia

    When you fail, a Godly husband will pick you back up. I’m 8 months pregnant with high blood pressure. This is my first baby. We can’t afford for me to be out of work until the baby comes and even then, my maternity leave will be painfully short. My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship (ages 6 and 4) who have been staying with us for the last 2 weeks and are supposed to be here for 2 more. For two nights, I sobbed, wracked with guilt and exhausted, until last night, I finally told him that I couldn’t do it. Not right now. For the first time in 3 years, I told him that his children were more than I could handle right now. He was crushed and disappointed. We fought, and I cried. This morning, he emailed me to tell me that somehow he has managed to schedule me a hair appointment and pedicure – it’s been too long and he felt it would cut down on my stress. He told me that God told him that doing something nice for me would heal his heart. I’m humbled and blessed. I don’t deserve him, but I thank God for him daily.

    • Joy

      Tricia, what a sweet story. You have a good man! Thanks for sharing your story. :)

    • Veronica Jones

      Tricia you do deserve him cause you are a child of God and he wants us all to be happy with loving people. So yes you deserve the best life has to give. Never short change yourself. Women have alot on there plate too. And thank God for good men. God is Good

  • Ga Girl

    Send encouraging scripture verses to your hubby by text, email or other means during his work day. Laugh when you realize you are having an argument over something silly. Smile while picking up the clothes left on the bedroom floor for the 1 millionth time & be thankful that you have someone to pick up after :) Enjoy the little moments together esp. when you have children & the moments are few together. Love unconditionally!

  • Marianna

    I would add to pray together…get in the habit while all is well, so you miss it when you don’t pray together even when you’d rather not!. When we had some difficult times in our marriage we prayed through some psalms…praising Him and seeing Him in his greatness and majesty eventually made our little issues oh so small. After 30 years….it does continue to get better!

    • Elizabeth Williams

      It is the best habbit you can get in for yourself and for you marriage. At church a few weeks ago someone said if you are mad at your spouse watch them as they are praying. See them how God does, it makes whatever your mad at a little less important.

  • Kath

    Apply all 20 to his family! Love and accept his family–no matter what. (With a husband with 7 brothers and sisters and 20+ nieces and nephews. The extended families, all with different views of Christ, getting along and navigating his family was a lesson learned our first 2 years of marriage. I knew I had to love, respect, be kinds, etc. my new husband. I just didn’t do so well always speaking, acting lovingly there. Anything you do/say/don’t do to them, you do to him!

  • Kamilla

    Hey Joy! I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now, and I get so much encouragement here. Thank you! Thank you for this brilliant list too and also for the add-ons in the comment section. They are great.
    I’m wondering if I could translate this post and some comments as my people truly find it useful and necessery.
    God bless you and your family. I love your pic!!! :)
    A mom of 6 from Hungary

    • Joy

      Yes, you may! Thanks for asking! Bless you!

  • A Marriage Restored

    Excellent advice! 31 years here, lots of real life and our share of scars. But oh how sweet.
    Thanks for your awesome blog!
    M

  • Iammema02

    I will be married 47 years in August. The only thing that I can say is that God has kept us together, “IN SPITE” of ourselves. Many, Many times, I have thought “I want out of this, this is not what it is cracked up to be, but God has shown me that honoring Him is what matters most. Now, I do not advocate anyone staying in an abusive marriage, but most of the time there is room to forgive, if we will just allow God to show us the way. Numbers 2 and 10 are also very good rules to follow. Too many times young people think marriage is going to be like a romantic song, book or movie, well it is not, and when people discover that, then they want to give up. God will honor your faithfulness to Him !!!!

  • Rae

    So many marriages fail from the start because”We’re in Love”.
    Don’t marry a person unless you like them immensely,have enormous respect for,admire for their honesty, integrity,character and are madly in love with .Also,the Bible says you must be equally yoked.It is unrealistic to think he/she will love the Lord after you are married if “they” don’t before.

  • Christi

    I love this list! I would add take time together. After kids it’s hard to have that time with both of us working 2 full time jobs (he works nights and I work days), but we make time together. Even if it’s just watching a movie on a Friday night after the kids are in bed. Also, love isn’t just an ooey gooey feeling. It’s a choice. Choose to love your husband, and never say the “D” word when things get too hard. Work through it.

  • Mrsglasgow

    identifying sin is an important step…but not the most important one. before judgment and punishment it must be understood…when you find out your husband is involved with porn before you rage yell and leave ask him “why” “how long” “when” “how” “where” and “what”…the woman who can ask these questions and genuinely care about the answers is the woman who really loves her husband…she is truly “a helpmate”.

  • Elle

    This is a great list! I probably would’ve included one point about sex – that men are often ministered to through intimacy. Sometimes the best thing a wife can do for a hurt husband is not ask him to express his feelings or “talk it out,” but just minister to him in a way that only she can.

    • Spokenrulz

      Couldn’t agree more Elle.

    • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

      Thank you for not helping to make a healthy sexual relationshio in marriage a TABOO TOPIC! So often ignored and glossed over with cliches…its hard to find a forum where women are encouraged to help their husbands by loving them with intimacy and not just communication. Well said!

    • Elizabeth Williams

      Totally agree, there are times where afterwards my husband will say thank you for knowing how much we needed that. Because it is a gift that we as couples are given to become more close and trust eachother.

  • http://www.joleneengle.org/ Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar

    What an excellent list! I’m going to have to share it.
    I’d add…
    1. Enjoy/don’t neglect the Marriage Bed because God designed it specifically for us married folks!
    2. Your marriage will grow as you grow in Christ.

  • Rachael

    I agree with Jenlcrum. Praise in public, correct in private.

  • Eleise Bott

    I am not religious but what a lovely list you have put together. Rules for all couples :)

  • http://pursuitoftitus2.com Mystiqua Kimble

    I absolutely LOVE this post! I would add make time for a date night (often as you can)! My hubby and I try and plan a date night once a month. We are thinking about increasing it to twice a month!

  • Rockmomma28

    Great post! It’s amazing the bad news the world (even the Church) gives engaged or newlyweds. After 14 years and 8 kids (including 1 yr old twins), my husband and I are so in love! He is my best friend and I would spend every waking moment with him if I could. I get excited every time I hear him come in the door. We need to embrace what God has truely designed for marriage because it is awesome. Young women are being lied to and it needs to stop. After 14 years, we have yet to have a fight. Do we disagree sometimes? Yes, but we vowed to never say anything in anger that is damaging. You can’t take back harsh words, so better yet, hold your tongue. Become selfless like Christ did and it’s not that hard. It’s amazing how much your husband will love you when you respect and just love him for who he is. Thanks again for the positive look at marriage. It’s nice to see someone on the same page as we are! Blessings to you and you family!

    • Dtoplov

      Love your advice, rockmomma28!!! Probably the best advice for marriage (and life in general) is to die to self, so that Jesus Christ can live our life for us.

  • DFranek

    I would suggest observe the Sabbath by starting it with a nice meal. Bless each other during your prayer and bless the children. When we lay ourselves aside and bless each other, after a long, sometimes hard, week the atmosphere changes. I can’t explain it but it’s the work of our Father and it’s magnificent. Sweet, peaceful rest.

  • Sleepygator

    Here is some advice I would add from my experience; when the two of you need to make a decision, give your input, listen to his, let him have the final say, and stand behind his decision. He needs your support. If it a bad decision, he will become aware on his own without your input. Most of all you will show respect to him and he will not only respect and love you for letting him be the man of the house, but he will be grateful and show appreciation in many ways!
    Also, use manners always. Say thank you. Say please. Say you’re welcome. These are pleasant words that make my marriage stay sweet.

  • Furnitiki

    Make sure you marry someone you love.

  • Jena Webber

    thanks for the great list. 21 years of marriage and still learning..

  • http://twitter.com/ValRoseLMT Valerie Cehonski

    This is really beautiful. Thanks for this :)

  • Claire Bear

    such an amazing list. it’s something that everyone entering into marriage should read

  • http://mccraryfam05.blogspot.com/ Mccraryfam05

    love this list!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=670044738 Cassady Christensen

    I’m engaged and I really saw this on pinterest and I think I needed some of these reminders already. Smart women! Thanks!

  • Guest

    There is no such thing as marrying the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ mate. Fix yourself and the person you married will become better right before your eyes. Incompatibility is a flat out myth perpetuated to assuage the guilt of those not willing to tough out a tough marriage.

  • (Jenn) Sweeter than Honey

    - I really liked that you included #10 and think this goes for media as well. Be mindful about what you watch together as a couple.

    - Engage in conversation that interests your husband and try to learn more about the things that interest him. Ask him questions.

    - Make your hubby breakfast and lunch every day. It requires waking up earlier, but it’s a gesture that speaks volumes. You’re taking care of your man’s health/energy for a hard day at work and also being a good steward of the finances.

  • Dayna Guenther

    Awesome, Joy! I’m sharing with our ladies at church.

  • kraeka

    Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. Exodus 20:14,17

  • Erin Dixon

    Thank you for this wonderful post.

  • Terri

    Look for ways to love him in his love language. Just because you appreciate gifts and notes, he may appreciate a touch or a service to him, such as keeping the car clean!

  • Guest

    I love this! This is truly how my husband and I try to operate! Marriages around us are falling apart left and right. I have shared this on Facebook hoping that those who are having a difficult time will read it.

  • http://www.imperfectpeople.net Katie @ Imperfect People

    What a great list! My favorite is: Be thankful for the husband you have. Accept him as he is, not for what you want him to be.

  • Pam

    Date nights, date weekend get-aways are romantic sparkers….especially if you have children. Even if you don’t have children, getting away from the everyday hum-drum is refreshing! We have been doing this for 36 years and are celebrating our 41st anniversary this fall. I guess leading by example has paid off, for our married children now do this, too! Sometimes we need to remember that God blessed us with our spouse before He blessed with us with children. Without even realizing, our children can consume our time to the point that we are not having any quality time with our beloved! When that happens, Satan is ready and willing to attack! I don’t believe God provided us with the Song of Solomon without a purpose! God has been so good to allow us to have our “sneak away” times together. We have learned to understand what cherishing one another really means. I am so very thankful for the man He has given me!

  • Bwagler

    To go along with number ten, also be careful of television/movies you watch. What you watch can plant unhealthy thoughts. Thanks for posting. I love it and needed it. Going on five years of marriage i am still learning a lot

  • Anne

    Show grace as you’ve been shown grace. Don’t take yourself to seriously. Lighten up. There’s been several times I was all upset about something and my husband just wasn’t be sensitive I thought but turns out I was only seeing things from my point of you and it was me that was not being sensitive.

  • LadyG

    I think number 10 also applies to movies and music.

    • http://bellaliberta.wordpress.com/ me

      I avoid a lot of romantic chick flicks for this reason. I don’t want to start cramming my husband into Hollywood’s “perfect guy” box. He is so much more.

  • Dancer914

    If your husband says “Do you care if I go out with the guys tonight?” and you actually really want him to stay home, REMEMBER THIS………

    Men TRULY don’t know what you are thinking. If you’re not willing to tell them how you feel, you give up your right to get upset when they don’t “just know”.

  • Alyssa Wakefield

    I was given this advice at my bridal shower and I thought “Oh, I won’t need that advice for a long time!” but then I needed it like, a month after we got married. Here it is…When your hubby is “in the mood” and you are not, respond to him anyway and pray that God will get you in the mood. If you can’t pray that, then just pray for your husband. It’s hard to be cold and unloving to someone you are praying for!

  • Rmadera2002

    Great stuff (I ama godly husband). You need to add the part about sex – wives need to know that men express love chiefly in the physical act; it is like water to their souls.

    • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

      Very true and very sweetly said.

  • Rmadera2002

    Honor him in his presence in front of others. Praise him for his strengths. Only in private should you discuss his shortcomings and mistakes. This is even more important to a man than sex (if you can believe that).

  • Jvander

    What advice do you all have for someone who has been married for 13 years to a Godly man and thought one day I would fall “in love” with him because he was someone I thought God wanted me to marry. I see so many comments of being so in love with your husband and getting weak in the knees when you hear him come home. I’ve never felt that with him and I am patiently praying and waiting for that to happen. We have a good relationship and children and he often asks why it’s so hard for me to show him affection. I don’t know how to wait anymore! I’m sad that I don’t have that, but everything else is good.

    • Rmadera2002

      First, let me say that my opinion is not important – you would get 11 opinions from any ten people you asked that question of. But I believe that God’s opinion is very important, so I encourage you to go back to what He said.

      My guess is that you heard His voice and that he brought you His perfect mate for you. Janet and I have been married for 39 years – I don’t recall eother of us ever being weak-kneed when seeing the other come home. I have never talked to anyone who experienced that and I believe it is pretty rare.

      Janet tells other wives, “Love is a choice, not a feeling.” Pretty wise words in my opinion. There are times that I want to be out of her presence for a while and she out of mine but, for the most part, we love being together.

      It sounds like you have quite a good marriage but, from his quesiton about affection, he obviously does not feel the response he wants.

      Kiddo, this sounds nuts but I believe it will revolutionize your situation. “Act as if…” Give him the affection he so strongly desires and you will see him change before your eyes. Men respond to physical affection and to being honored and praised.

      The world says you have to feel something before you can act on it – but remember, God’s kingdom is upside-down from worldly wisdom. Actions preceed feelings. If you take action, I believe that the feelings will come.

      • Joy

        Seriously, this is great advice. Thank you so much for sharing this with our seeking friend. It is exactly what I would have said, yet you have said it with much more grace, love, and experience to back it up! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share wisdom here.

        • Rmadera2002

          You are welcome. We have 2 (recently married) daughters and I have endeavored to teach them and my wife from the beginning how God made men – it is a mystery – just as we guys don’t get how God made women. Ladies need to understand what makes us guys tick – no matter how bizarre it seems to them (and vise versa). BTW, Janet is a helper for and longtime friend of Sally Clarkson (Whole-Hearted Ministries or http://www.wholeheart.org), another good resource for godly counsel for ladies.

      • Rmadera2002

        You are welcome. We have 2 (recently married) daughters and I have endeavored to teach them and my wife from the beginning how God made men – it is a mystery – just as we guys don’t get how God made women. Ladies need to understand what makes us guys tick – no matter how bizarre it seems to them (and vise versa). BTW, Janet is a helper for and longtime friend of Sally Clarkson (Whole-Hearted Ministries or http://www.wholeheart.org), another good resource for godly counsel for ladies.

    • Alantheda

      I think this has more to do with you than your situation. There are probably things in your past that make it difficult to show affection. It might be worth talking to an older woman or possibly even a counselor. Just a thought…

  • mrs.muffles

    This is so so good..and scriptural! Good things to try on my hubs..NOW!

  • Helen

    Here are the things I think help to keep the love alive. I have been married 12 years.
    + flirt with him (in private) – my husband loves it
    + don’t just praise in public, praise even more in private
    + love him unconditionally
    + when you discuss in private his faults or issues in your relationship try to use humour to soften the blow
    + kiss, hold hands, give arm squeezes regularly, stroke his hair
    + fogive, forgive, forgive
    + recongnise that you too can be difficult to be married to
    + be uncomfortably honest with each other

    • Joy

      What great ideas and thoughts! I love this list and agree with all of them. Thank you for taking the time to share them!

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  • Kfelzien23

    This is a great lil read

  • Pammie

    Advice to any woman whether considering marriage or already married —> Get a mentor. It should be a woman who has been married and has a healthy relationship with her husband. You will know what kind of marriage she has by the way she runs her home and how she talks to her husband (and how she talks about him). Be humble enough to listen to all the mentor’s advice. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=522424461 Jenny Cooke

    I printed this off (giving you credit, of course) and slipped it into a wedding card that was given yesterday. Great list and awesome comments.

  • mkirkwood

    Love this list, Joy. I so appreciate ideas that help stir my affections for my husband. I am blessed to be married to a wonderful and godly husband. He is so fun and such a joy to live life with. He leads our family well, and for that I am grateful. The one thing I would add to the list is the ultimate purpose of marriage (the “when all is said and done”): the glory of Christ. That marriage is the “profound mystery” that Paul refers to in Ephesians 5; that our marriages were designed to point people to the beauty and faithfulness of Christ. As people watch the interaction between us and our husbands, they ought to be seeing a beautiful reflection of Christ’s headship/authority and the Church’s joyful and willing submission. People are drawn and intrigued by a marriage where true and genuine biblical leadership and submission are demonstrated…God made it that way…and it is beautiful and desirable. It’s a uniquely powerful testimony. The opportunity to be an illustration of such glorious beauty is a heavy responsibility indeed and ought not to be taken lightly. As wives we are to enjoy our husbands, respect them, honor them, defer to them, prefer them…for our joy and delight, but more importantly, for the exaltation and glory of Christ. Because there will most certainly be times (or seasons) in our marriage when our feelings/affections will leave us wanting…but for us to remember that our marriage is bigger than us.

  • Sharon Brobst

    Such a wonderful list and then add all the great comments and we might have a great book for a bridal shower gift! :-) I made a scrapbook of marriage quotes and advice to give to my son and future daughter in law a couple years ago. Many of those who contributed were people they knew, friends, family etc… then I added a few pictures of there dating/engagement years.

    As I read through all the comments there is really only one thing I would add that I don’t think has been talked about, although briefly mentioned. While many would say that it’s important to remember that marriage is a covenant I think many do not truly understand what being in a covenant means. When I understand what it means biblically to be in covenant with someone it totally changed how I view my husband and the marriage relationship.

    Here is just one truth, but there is so much more. In covenant we become one. I and my husband, both believers, are in covenant with Jesus and one another. What is done to one is done to the other. Think that through for a moment. If I speak against my husband, hurt him, etc then because we both are in covenant with Christ I am also doing it to Christ. How I treat my husband I treat Christ. Yes we are human and we fail…daily…but there is grace and forgiveness.

    Here is one example of covenant relationship. Acts 9: 4b“Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” 5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied.

    How is Paul persecuting Jesus? In verses 1-4 we see that Paul is persecuting the church. The church who is in a covenant with Jesus Christ, what is done to us is done to Christ….this is applicable to our husbands, our Christian brothers.

    My personal opinion is that the study found at LifeWay called “Covenant: God’s Enduring Promises” should be a required study during marriage counseling….well for every believer. :-) http://www.lifeway.com/Product/covenant-gods-enduring-promises-member-book-P005207282

    Blessings, Sharon (married 29yrs) http://www.quiet-reflections.com

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FDBO555WDKQ4U3BDMFOQTOKOLU Linda

    I would add only this…..understand that your husband is a human being with feelings too. Many men have trouble verbalizing their feelings so sometimes you have to turn your “hearts hearing” up to hear the message he is not verbalizing. Don’t be afraid to ask him what is going on if you can’t figure it out. Just ask in a nice and caring way and you may be surprised to find you have a really sensitive man beside you that just hasn’t figured out how to verbalize what he feels. A lot of the time, a guy feels intimidated by the female “whatever”…..her needs, style, way of acting, way of communicating, etc. He’s usually trying his best to be a good provider, supporter and helpmate but he sometimes is not sure of what to do or say. One of the most special moments for me was when I struggled with some inner demons from previous abuse that popped their ugly head up and my husband just held me while I cried and tried to explain. He patiently loved me through several days of demon wrestling until I could put those bad boys where they belong……in the past and not pertinent in today. He loved me through it instead of telling me to “get over it, it is in the past”. That is LOVE. Not the gushy stuff of flowers, cards and gifts. Those are nice to receive but loving someone through a painful time is a priceless selfless gift of love. I’ll take that anytime over flowers and tangible gifts.

  • Lindsey Reitz

    Let your husband be your best friend. The first one you confide in. The first one you call with amazing news. The first one you tell your woe’s to. The one you want to stay up late talking with. The one you want to do everything with, laugh with, play with, joke with and just sit around doing nothing with.

    My husband doesn’t have a ton of friends so he has always treated me as his best friend. I have quite a few friends but none of them have given me the love, attention and care he has. Treating each other as best friends has kept our marriage (of only 6 years) strong and honest. Being best friends mean we always put each other before our other friends, we always want to do things together and never get bored of the friendship, our communication is better and we just simply have more fun together. Plus, we ask each other for advice and are honest about flaws and sins.

    Just like Joy said, romance is so much more than romance novels. For us, the above is everyday romance.

  • juliet

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  • Stacy

    You can take more out the back door with a teaspoon than he can bring in through the front door with a shovel. (money)

  • Ronda

    And when you have been married for 30 yrs and you lose your soul mate in death, that love , that commitment and the Great Comforter will get you through .

  • Abbi

    Joy,
    I stumbled across this post through Pinterest. I have to say of all the things that I have pinned (and there are too many to count) this has truly been the best one. I completely agree with every bit of this and also see what I could work on to be the best for my husband. My husband is such an amazing husband and the best father to our brand new little girl. I love #11! I couldn’t have described it better myself. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

  • Guest

    I like this but are thre any tips for a relationship. If So Please E-mail Me at Graduateclass07@aim.com

  • Maddy

    Although we are strangers to each other, your words as a sister in Christ couldn’t be more encouraging as I take this engagement period to prepare my heart to be a wife. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. :)

  • Go 4 Th

    take time for the two of you. childern can drain you and you two need to connect az a couple. your children need happyly married parentz.

  • RNMer10

    What do you do if you know what a good marriage looks like and you’re stuck in (what feels like hell)? My husband claims to be a believer but is far more consistently angry and deceptive than loving and kind. I work two jobs. He won’t work because he’s in nursing school and he uses it as a got out of jail free card. He’s verbally abusive and things that should just be conversations are ALWAYS huge arguments. I know it takes two to argue but the other day when I talked about quitting my secondary job, he yelled at me and told me I was being irresponsible and that I couldn’t just stop supporting “our family” (it’s just him and I). So I know sometimes I should hold my tongue and not fight back, but how do I live with this for another day? He’s threatened me with leaving, divorce, annulment(4days into our honeymoon), I’m just not sure why he doesn’t just go. If he doesn’t love me, and clearly won’t care for me why won’t he just go?

    • Harri

      Have you been honest with him that you feel miserable? Maybe he doesn’t realize how all of the fighting/yelling is affecting you too. He may just not realize how selfish his actions are and may need something to help him ‘see the light’. Next time he mentions leaving or divorce or anything bring up counseling. It may be a place with more a more ‘even’ playing field for him to really listen to how you are feeling instead of neglecting it. He made the commitment to get married that means he should be willing to work through anything, and get help like counseling. It’s not just you and it’s not just him, you need to work through it together.

      …I have struggled with having a short temper, and I never even realized how much it was affecting my fiancee because he doesn’t handle frustration that way. I didn’t know how hurtful I was being…even though it should be common sense that yelling and getting angry hurts the people you love…once I realized that I felt horrible for making the most important person in my life feel that way, and I’ve been getting help…I don’t know if this is a similar situation, but your husband made those vows to you and to god, have faith in him to change, but you have to find a way to let him know how this is affecting you. And that even if his frustration may be rooted in stress from school, he is taking it out on you, the woman he loves.

  • kay43026

    Forget the trivial little things. Is it really worth an argument/fight about a towl left on the bathroom floor? Think of what your spouse does for YOU.

  • Beth Colvin

    LOVED THIS!!!! Thank you :-)

  • Dpskls

    I’ve just loved the comments I was able to read! There are just two things I would like to add. 1st of all, being submissive, as we are commanded, is no easy task. Every where we look we are told we need to be independent and strong women! There’s nothing wrong with being strong, as long as you don’t equate those things will taking charge of your marriage or putting yourself before your husband. That being said, I strongly recommend that a woman not consider marrying a man unless she respects him and believes she can follow his lead in all things, especially spiritual. This again is advice for women who are saved before they marry. When we were dating, my husband and I realized we had a different “take” on what it meant to be “predestined”. He suggested we sit down and do a Bible study together to find the truth. He did not sit down to change my mind. He had more respect for me than that. He truly wanted to find the truth with me. Secondly, to those women who are already married, don’t put your children before your marriage. We’ve been married 16 years and have 3 children. My husband is an INCREDIBLE father and does his best to spend as much time with our kids as possible while working hard for his employer, all to please the Lord. While these are wonderful things and should not be neglected, we found we had grown apart in the process. We needed time to devote to our relationship as well. Babysitters are expensive and we decided we needed at least one night a week to just sit down by ourselves and catch up. So, one night a week I feed the kids early and send them up to their room to watch a movie while we eat a quiet dinner for two and reconnect. It has been good for everyone involved.

  • Overdrmanic

    Always seek to outgive one another. It makes keeping score obsolete.

  • Ashley

    Number 10 is good. Romance novels are unrealistic most of the time. The thing to remember is that most romance novels and movies end at the wedding. They don’t show a marriage, and there is a reason for that. Marriage is hard, amazing and fulfilling; but that’s not what sells to the public.

    • Ashley

      I love the whole list and am going to save it so I can look at it whenever I need a reminder!

  • Elizabeth

    Have sex and have it often!! Be a sensual wife. I’d recommend the book, Intimate Issues, if you struggle in this area.

    • Joy

      Amen!

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  • Handyland76

    Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It’s a 100/100 partnership.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carlyhirst.firth Carly Hirst Firth

    All you women are incredible and I am so very grateful for all your insights. Thank you for this entire post, comments, and for the true example that you women are showing out there when the world is telling a newlywed(1 1/2 years)like me that my marriage is not normal because of our devotion to the Savior and to each other.

  • Lavlatte7

    Separate bank accounts, set bedtimes for kids and frequent trips to Starbucks.

    • Rmadera2002

      ??? spearate bank accounts? the “two shall become one”

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  • kentuckytotexas

    First I’d like to say that this is a great list! Also, I do think it’s really important to be on the same page as your partner as far as religion and spirituality are concerned, to an extent. However, I also know from experience that the “unequally yoked” comment can be very detrimental as it is a form of judgment on another person. When I was 18, my boyfriend told me that he could never become serious about me because we were “unequally yoked.” I was and still am a devout Christian–I was everything a Christian boy could have asked for in a woman. I was innocent, I attended church twice a week and Bible study once a week, and my passion for the Lord was genuine. But as an employee at the church we attended, he viewed himself as morally superior to me. When he told me that we couldn’t continue our relationship because we were “unequally yoked,” I was heart-broken. Not only had I lost my first love, I also was made to feel spiritually inferior, not good enough, and like I could never be good enough. I spent years struggling with myself not to just give up because I would never be spiritually as good as him or other people that are viewed as the religious type. I thought that if he couldn’t accept me and I wasn’t good enough for his standards, I certainly wasn’t good enough for God. He didn’t know my soul, and he had no right to judge and demean me in that way. By using some phrase in the Bible to get out of a relationship, he scarred me beyond words. I have carried the pain from that break up for years because the emotional blow of being told that you are spiritually inferior beyond hope is more than a young, impressionable woman can bear. My warning is to be careful how you use that phrase–is it your scapegoat or is it your genuine conviction? If it is your genuine conviction, it’s best to keep the phrase between you and God.

    • Cam

      I think that verse definitely applies to someone who is not a believer. Now, we have no way of knowing for sure whether someone is saved or not, only God knows the heart, but actions pretty well show what a person believes and if they trust God in their life. Sounds like your bf used that verse in the wrong way. I’m sorry! :(

  • Cmguthrie

    Love is a choice not a feeling.

    Choose your battles wisely.

  • mmmichalshaddad

    iI wish I saw more ways for men to be a better husband floating around the Internet…or even bloggers/pinners who advertise their wisdom by gearing it towards men and women-thjs list is perfect for men as well as wisdom. I’m glad I married someone who doesn’t think marriages are improvedonly when the woman pts out 100%

    • Mmichalshaddad

      Im aware of the spelling mistakes!

    • Rmadera2002

      Jeff Meyers (www.passingthebaton.org) has some sage advice and counsel for men and women

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  • Anonymous

    Dont live in your marriage alone! Marriage is amazing and you still need your friends and outside perspective! Community matters.

  • Lindseyk530

    I just have to add (about #12) that the less critical I am of myself the less critical I will be on my husband.

  • Sharla

    Great list! The only thing I would add is to never, ever talk bad about your spouse in front of anyone else. Kind of goes along with your not comparing. :)

  • Kimmie Walker

    I am so grateful that I found this post, I just married my best friend and I want to keep it that way, and this will help us stay best friends! So thank you! And me and my husband just starting reading song of Solomon together and it’s wonderful!

  • Kasey

    A commitment my husband and I made was never to complain or talk negatively about each other to anyone. This has been a huge part of our success it forces us to talk to each other about problems we have with one another, and we don’t get any unjust opinions from well meaning friends that only get one side of the story.

  • CP

    I would add something my husband and I learned in a marriage prep class when we were engaged: The engagement period is a trial period. A successful engagement is one that ends, one way or another. You prepare for your wedding and get to know each other as best you can. If there is an overwhelming problem of conflict, that is a good time to sort it out. Make sure you know what you are saying “I Do” to!
    I know lots of couples who got engaged and found that, although they loved one another, they didn’t have enough in common to make a marriage work. There is no shame from parting ways with that person and finding a more compatible life partner!

  • Jaceybeans

    This is wonderful advice and I love the biblical references! I’ve only been married two weeks and I can see things to work on, and things I know to be true!

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  • danielle carroll

    Oh, I loved this! I’m a newlywed (1 month tomorrow!). Thanks for such great advice :)

  • Aconnaz

    Choose your battles, choose them wisely:-)

  • Wendy

    Absolutely love this list! so many of them I (like others) have had to learn the hard way, or we’re fortunate to have been given some good advice. One thing I would add would be that love is long-suffering. It is one of the fruits of the spirit and it is how God loves us. Too often we get impatient when difficulties arise in our relationships, we have to be able to wait on the Lord and one another.

  • Joy

    I shared this with my engaged daughter and my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I hope they take it to heart, as I have. It goes to show, even after 21 years of marriage, there is still something to learn ;-)

  • http://herspaciousplace.blogspot.com/ Shannon G

    love this! i’m going to link to you on my blog :)

  • The2ofus8

    Great advise.

  • michelle

    I just love what I’ve read on your blog! Thank you for sharing your standards and thoughts in a very inviting and approachable way. It’s a very refreshing view that will bless many lives and families!

  • Aimee

    I’m getting married on October 27th of this year, and this post is amazing, with all of the comments added to it – definitely moved me to tears of excitement/joy for all that I have to look forward to in married life. I certainly hope that Trenton (the fiance) will learn to pray aloud with me – he is very Godly and I’m blessed to have him, he is just very quiet and I think as a “Manly Man” feels vulnerable in prayer (as we all do the first time we pray aloud, even if it was at summer camp). I haven’t brought it up much, but after reading these comments/this post I know that it will do so much for our relationship and strengthen our marriage. I am going to continue to pray about it and take more initiative. Thank you so so much for this post! Every engaged, single, and married woman should read this!

  • Jacksoha

    This is a great list! I’ve been married a little over year and one thing I’ve been learning is to save the best of me for my husband. I would come home tired and frustrated, then I would “let my hair down” and be a grouch because I thought with my husband is where I could do that. But God has been teaching me to give that tiredness and frustration to Him on my way home, then my husband can truly gets the best of me.

  • Aodot825

    this is beautiful!

  • Guest

    Now, I may be a minority here, not being married, but I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over five years now and my biggest piece of advice (and I think this is appropriate for all relationships) is to just be genuine.

    Do things you both enjoy, but don’t be overbearing. Allow yourselves quality time apart, too. My boyfriend, Joseph, is like an extension of myself, but if I want to go do something on my own, I do it. If he wants to do something on his own, he does it. There’s no contempt, because we don’t treat one another like a possession, but as an extension of one another.

    Also, don’t jump to say the words ‘I love you.’ Joe and I don’t say them because they’re so overused. Only when we are entirely certain will we say them, because they are only special when you make them special, only meaningful when you pour your heart into them.

    And as for the whole ‘non-believer’ thing, I think it is most important to respect a person’s beliefs, no matter what they are. There is a lot more to someone than their religion, but if that is really important to you, then I don’t blame you for including it in you choice.

    …Sorry for the novel, ladies. Just my (50?) cents worth. :)

  • On My Way to Being a Wife

    Such great advice! My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years & will be getting married next winter. We already live together, so I feel that although we aren’t married yet, I should be acting like a Godly wife that I am.called to be. it is sometimes difficult, but I do try to follow all of the points you have listed (I started reading a book called When a Woman Inspires Her Husband by Cindi McMenamin). By respecting him and honoring his wishes, we are both being drawn closer to God and our relationship is getting stronger and stronger! I feel certain that our marriage will be blessed because we are both beginning to live our lives for the Lord, which is drawing our hearts closer together.
    One thing I would add to your list, simple as it may sound…
    - Don’t sweat the small stuff!
    My fiance is always telling me this because I tend to want everything to be perfect. His advice is a great reminder that some of the minor details of everyday life that I may stress over are not important to him, or to our relationship. What is important is that I make an effort to show him that I respect and love him!

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  • Kni10002

    This is awesome! I’ve been married just over a month and all of the advice I’ve read here from more experienced people have really opened my eyes! Thanks so much! I have some advice too, tho. At our reception someone told me something I’ll never forget: Put your needs before his wants and his needs before your wants. The person who told me this had been married for 20 years and had gone through a lot of mental health issues and her husband always put her needs before his wants and she did the same and it got them through some stuff than many couples wouldn’t have made it through. I think that is some great advice and it will help with most problems. So early in my marriage and I’ve already noticed how much more I love my husband when I follow this advice. I’m looking forward to many more years of marriage with him, even eternity:)

  • Ralise

    Come up with a goal every year. Individually and as a couple come up with a goal to improve your marriage no matter how big or small

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1362482011 Ashley Richert

    this is exactly what I needed to read today. It’s not been the best day today and my husband (of a short 2 months) and I hit a hard communication obstacle. These words of experience, encouragement are exactly what I needed to keep going and remind myself it’s okay to argue as long as we’re willing and know how to process things.

    • Joy

      Sweetie, hang in there. It is OK to argue!! I remember our first year of marriage and it was fraught with misunderstanding and miscommunication. Don’t give up. It gets easier as you continue to work on it. Praying for you and your sweet new marriage. :)

  • Raneyday7

    Great article…….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512223095 Janna Hoy

    Thank you for sharing this! I am just coming up on my 2 year anniversary and God is teaching me to trade in all of my girlhood ideas of “romance” and expectations so that I can truly celebrate the wonderful man God has given me for who he is. So, I LOVE #11 and have written it in my journal as a reminder. You have encouraged one not as far down the road as you with a message and hope so contrary to the “passion fades” that we hear threatening all around us. May God grow me to be this kind of wife! Blessings on you and your beautiful family!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512223095 Janna Hoy

    Thank you for sharing this! I am just coming up on my 2 year anniversary and God is teaching me to trade in all of my girlhood ideas of “romance” and expectations so that I can truly celebrate the wonderful man God has given me for who he is. So, I LOVE #11 and have written it in my journal as a reminder. You have encouraged one not as far down the road as you with a message and hope so contrary to the “passion fades” that we hear threatening all around us. May God grow me to be this kind of wife! Blessings on you and your beautiful family!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512223095 Janna Hoy

    Thank you for sharing this! I am just coming up on my 2 year anniversary and God is teaching me to trade in all of my girlhood ideas of “romance” and expectations so that I can truly celebrate the wonderful man God has given me for who he is. So, I LOVE #11 and have written it in my journal as a reminder. You have encouraged one not as far down the road as you with a message and hope so contrary to the “passion fades” that we hear threatening all around us. May God grow me to be this kind of wife! Blessings on you and your beautiful family!

    • Joy

      Oh Janna, This makes me so happy! I am thrilled that these words I’ve shared have given you hope! :)

  • Katie Eller

    i wil follow this the rest of my life thank you for giving me such amazing humble guidelines

  • Bless

    I like that you mention “3. Don’t listen to women that tell you that passion fades…it doesn’t have to! (um…all of Song of Solomon)”. A lot of people lately have been telling me that it gets old, and etc. That is one of my biggest fears. I don’t want my marriage to become boring or passionless after years of being together. I want it to be better and better.

    • Joy

      Um yes. Although I am only 13 years in, I have to say it has gotten better and better. Don’t be afraid, just work at it!! :)

  • Julie H.

    Joy, first off, you are simply amazing! This blog post spoke straight to my heart, being that I have been married for a year and a half, I struggle with every single one of these points and you couldn’t have nailed it better! Thanks for your continuous encouraging blog posts and Godly reminders. So, so thankful for you!

  • Elena

    I loved this, thanks!

  • Becca

    Thanks for this! I always amazes me what God uses to convict the heart. Just got on to my husband today about not eating granola bars that I buy. My marriage is worth way more than $3.50 for granola bars! Thanks for the reminders.

  • Cynthia Wilson

    This is amazing and everyone women who feels that marriage is something of a chore should read this. I think a lot of people forget the importance of why they got married. Thank you for this beautiful article. I will definitely share!

  • Lolashowgirl

    It’s you and your spouse against the world…not against each other!

  • molly352

    What a beautiful list, I would add to be true to yourself and understand when your spouse is being true to their self!

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  • Cat

    We can advise and try to help people see different aspects of a situation. We can relay our own personal knowledge of such things. But we should not get involved in being overly righteous in these matters lest we be guilty of “forbidding to marry” (I Tim. 4:3), which is a doctrine of demons (Verse 1).

    http://bible-truths.com/yoked.htm Some good points regarding the whole “unequally yoked” conversation/debate.

  • Tamara

    I think I’d clarify one thing about passion somehow. After 24 years of marriage the passion is still great, and in many ways stronger than ever. However, some folks confuse butterflies with passion. Butterflies are the superficial and temporary signs of new infatuation. Passion is the deeper and more enduring stuff of long term relationships. It is the good stuff! :)

  • Elizabeth

    I recently had to make the decision to continue on with my marriage or end it. What held us together was my memory of the Lord telling me to marry my husband. That’s my advice: before you get married, be sure the Lord has told you to marry that person because one day you will need that assurance that you made the right decision. It’s what has brought me through a difficult time and we are strong for it.

    • Whitgal

      Definitely don’t be afraid to show affection for your husband in front of your children. There’s nothing more secure to a child than knowing daddy and mommy love each other. And it teaches them how to express affection in a healthy way also. My four year old recently found a picture of daddy from years ago, and she grabbed it and exclaimed, “Is that my sweet daddy that I love? He’s so cute!” I’m glad that she hears me praise him and sees me love on him too, and is learning that in a safe context now.

  • Jackie

    I love this post! Thank you. It probably goes without saying but if i were to add anything, I would say: “Remember you are on the same team, fighting the same enemy.” It’s been so helpful when there’s conflict and I treat my husband like he’s the enemy, even when I don’t intend to.

  • julie0320

    I would add…It’s about “leave and cleave”. Some parents ignore that.

  • ODC

    Continue to study and speak each others love language.

    ODC
    http://www.offdachainandouttadabox.wordpress.com

  • Rebuke Mpambawashe

    l am grateful because l was shy to ask anyone about these things but thank God for you because you have lightened my burden.l believe this will also save my relationship up to my marriage. God bless you richly.l need more of this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/heather.jamesnelson Heather James Nelson

    My husband and I are going through a very difficult time right now and I am finding it very hard to cope with things. I have been doing a lot of praying and I feel very lost right now. I found this page on pinterest and it really made me think about a lot with my marriage. Thank you for making this list!

    • Joy

      You are welcome. I just prayed for you and your situation. May God be with you in this difficult time. I would love to chat more with you via email if you ever need someone to talk to!

  • Jenifer

    There is no “if.” Don’t allow yourself to think well “if” it doesn’t work out I can always leave. Don’t consider your relationship to be disposable or temporary, put in the work, talk things through and don’t let “if” creep into your relationship. (This is paraphrasing a portion of a letter my mother-in-law wrote to my husband before we got married. I’ve read the letter and we’ve shared it with a few couples who were heading to the alter. I love my in-laws and the wisdom they’ve shared.)

  • http://twitter.com/5timewinner Michele Erwin

    Men typically find their worth in providing for their family. Think twice before complaining about how much time he spends at work. Instead tell him how proud you are of him and how much you appreciate the way he takes care of you.

  • gp

    Also, Love is worth waiting for. I waited 10 years for a friend who the Lord had to work on to even want to be married. I concentrated on being a good friend- not “catching him”. Young women today are compromising the way they dress and act to “catch” someone. If he loves you for that, it is going to be superficial. You need someone who’s heart is grounded in love for the Lord.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zachandlisa.stanton ZachandLisa Stanton

    Remember that you are ONE PERSON! Gen. 2:24, 1 Cor 6:16, Mark 10:8.
    In moments of hurt and anger and frustration or sadnes, please let this encourage you to show him love in spite of those feelings…because when you hurt him, you only hurt yourself, when you hate him, you hate yourself, and when you love him, you love yourself!
    Women, we need to understand this and make it real to us and it will have a positive impact on your marriage, guaranteed!

  • Kendra

    Wow. Honest. Biblical. Powerful. AMEN!

  • Ruth Lee

    You are giving a beautiful gift and inspiriation to young and older women. My husband and I celebrated 63 years of marriage September 1, 2012. We are thankful everyday to be together and can attest to your wise instruction.

  • Shawn Maravel

    Go on walks together, with your kids, your dog, or just the two of you. Sometimes it’ll be mostly silent, other times you’ll discus frivolous things, get into a heated debate, or laugh and joke together. It doesn’t always have to be perfect, it’s the fact that you’re getting out there and separating yourselves from life’s distractions. Leave the phones at home. Let it just be about you.

  • http://www.thebeautyinhisgrip.com/ Joan Davis

    I agree with every item on your list…and I’ve been married 31 years! Some of the things on the list came naturally to us, but others were learned the hard way. But, I am so glad I learned! Marriage is something to cherish as it is a gift from God. It isn’t always easy, but it is so worth the effort put into it by both people. I would also add to value your husband’s opinions and listen to him. I guess that would go under number 6 (Respect your husband). Thanks for this great post (I found it on Pinterest!) Blessings, Joan

  • Abbi

    Great tips! I appreciate your sharing them and I was nodding my head as I read.

  • rhfarmer

    This is my advice for young married couples: If you have a problem with your in laws then let your spouse deal with the problem. If your spouse has a problem with your family then you deal with the problem. Family will forgive blood relatives a lot quicker than relatives by marriage.

  • Elizabeth

    I love this! I would add something I had to learn – Assume the best about each other! If your spouse says something that seems mean and insensitive, remember that he loves you and probably isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you (assuming you are in a healthy relationship). Many of our fights have come from interpreting a phrase differently or taking a word the wrong way. If you can’t see any way he could not be saying it to hurt you, give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him about it!

  • Christina

    Don’t correct your husband in public. It backs him into a corner. If he stands up to you, he seems like a womanizer and if he doesn’t, a pansy. Either way, it’s a lose lose for him. I was told this by my mentor and it was and is such great advice! Don’t speak ill of your husband makes because you chose him and I don’t about you, but I make great long term decisions! ;-)

  • Jane

    Joy – thank you so much for this list. My husband and I have been married for 13 years as well and serving the Lord together near Cleveland, OH. These are really good points to remember. Sometimes even though I ‘know’ these things, I need to be reminded of them. I’ve copied them into a Word document to keep on my computer (with a link at the bottom to your website so I can find you again!) Take care & God Bless

  • Amy

    don’t use sex as a tool to getting your way, or withhold it because you’re angry.

  • Zulymar Torres

    This is wonderful, stumbled upon it on Pinterest and will definitely be sharing! Thank You

  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.nydegger.9 Amanda Nydegger

    Thanks you so much this was a wonderful reminder and a huge blessing!:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/lelsy Lelsy Rogers

    I needed to read this. Thank you so much!!!!!

  • Rachel Nuckolls

    I absolutely love this! Being newly married and a Christ follower this is list is so encouraging. Thank you!

  • Not needed Marriage

    Marriage Sucks
    I was a lover… always loved.. wanted love … but my wife didn;t give it when it was needed.. now that she wants to .. it seems so fake… I hate the fact that i was soooooo in love and gave it my best.. and recieved nothing in return

  • vrdnmartin

    Wow!! this is so encouraging and inspiring. Marriage is hard:( Reading this made me think as hard as it maybe I need to start trying to work on my relationship like my one with God and lastly, “It’s not about me”

  • Sabrina

    NEVER EVER leave with out kissing each other good bye!

  • Natalie Barefield

    thank you for the great reminders! 6 years in but always need Godly advice!

  • Natalie

    I love that you backed this up with Bible verses, check out this link for wedding advice for when to spend and when to save – so many societal expectations and most expenses are unnecessary! http://scantillycllad.blogspot.com/2012/10/wedding-advice-from-newlywed.html

  • Thankful

    YOUR love language is over rated. Look for the ways HE says “I love you” and rejoice in those special-made-just-for-you expressions of his love. (This includes changing the oil in the car, mowing the lawn, dreaming with you about…). We have been married 36 years and I’m still grateful that God brought us together and that we get to share the everydays of life.

  • Em

    I am not yet married, but with God’s guidance I have found the one that truely makes my heart happy. I have an amazing example of successful marriage both from my grandparents, and parents. I am so hapy in my relationship and when we hit rocky spots i pray as hard as possible and God guides us in the best direction. The next year will be rocky for us, but I couldn’t have picked a better person to weather the storm with. God has given me what my heart most desired.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wendylester.cmd Wendy Lester

    I would add to your list, Let God’s love be the first one you filled up with every day. Then everything else from your husband is just icing on the cake. Your husband was never meant to fill all your needs for love. The days I am most negative with my husband are usually the days I missed out on my time with Jesus.

  • Kat

    #13 is the hardest yet the most important of all. without acceptance of each other nothing else will make you happy.

  • Sarah

    I know I’m a tad late to the conversation but I just wanted to thank you for this! I married a fantastic, Godly man just 6 and a half weeks ago, and all of your points (and many of the comments) have encouraged and inspired me so much. Thank you for #3 as well…I am hoping that sentiment applies to other areas of marriage too. Seems anytime I say something about how much I am loving being married, or how blessed I am to have married such a thoughtful man, etc…older women (Christian women mind you – some even in ministry!) have a tendency to say things like, “Aww…newlyweds” or “Enjoy it while it lasts”. I’ve stopped telling people how great things have been because I’m tired of hearing those sorts of comments. I am well aware of the fact there are ups and downs in marriage…I am not not so naive as to think we will not have our share of hard times. But years ago I was in a very unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship – which means I have an extra special appreciation for my husband, who is one of the kindest, most selfless men I’ve ever known.

    Surely joy in marriage (like passion) isn’t just limited to the newlywed stage???

    • http://gracefullmama.com Joy

      Amen!! I couldn’t agree with you more!! Thanks for sharing this!

  • http://www.facebook.com/csmarsh Crystal Stroud Marsh

    Leave 5 things in your day unsaid. You may be tired because you’ve done 6 loads of laundry, made 6 lunches, 6 beds. But just because he’s watching the Outback Bowl on a Saturday (Go Cocks) does not mean you have to remind him or say a snarkie comment like “well, I’d like to sit for 3 hrs and do nothing” today. He will know you’ve done the laundry when he pulls clean boxers from the drawer on Monday form where there was only 1 pair that morning. Once you’ve said something, you can’t take it back. You might be sorry and he might accept it, but it’s still said. THIS is a big one in the success of my marriage. In a successful marriage, “I and me” becomes WE, learn it, live it.

    • Joy

      Great advice and thoughts! Thanks for sharing!

      Blessings!
      Joy

      [image: Twitter] Latest tweet: From the archives: The thing my husband really wanted from me…. A Kind Wife http://t.co/itUCusyj
      Follow @@gracefullmama Reply Retweet 21:40 Jan-10 Get this email app!
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  • samisue

    love this thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/gyak88 Girl You All Know

    Thank you so much for this post. I’m a bride to be, shared this with my groom too! Will love to frame this and have it somewhere to always look at and remember. Can I post this on my blog with credits to your blog though? I love it soooo much! :)

  • Tammy Phillips

    I just stumbled upon your blog . . . but I am sure the Lord knew what he was doing. ;) Thank you for these wise words. I am looking forward to following you more.

  • Kaitlyn

    Thank you for posting this. I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend who diligently pursued me for four years before I started to feel the same way about him. Recently, I have fallen into the trap of “picking” at him for little (stupid) things. I never thought I would be one of those people, but it just shows me how a close relationship with Jesus is directly related to how we treat others–especially the ones we love. I am now more conscience of uplifting my boyfriend and seeking Jesus more. I don’t think it is ever too early to be taking advice from married couples on how to be making a continuous effort to be pouring into our men how Jesus intended us too. :) I am going to start following your blog. Thanks again!

    • lilian

      Five weeks ago my Husband broke up with me. it all started when i went to summer camp i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when I came back from camp I saw him with a young lady kissing in his bed room, I was frustrated and it gives me sleepless night. i thought he will come back to apologize but he didn’t come for almost three week i was really hurt but i thank Dr. Charles for all he did i met Dr.Charles during my search at the internet i decided to contact him on his email lovespellworldsolutiontemple@gmail.comhe brought my Husband back to me just within 48 hours i am really happy. you can reach this man on his email address via: lovespellworldsolutiontemple@gmail.com or you can call him +2348138209842

  • Bethany

    I would love to see advice you have for dating women too! It has been a learning curve dating this year (I am in college), and I am blessed to be dating a godly man, but I would love to see your advice as pertains to that!

  • Pingback: Grace Notes

  • Soinlove

    I would add trust……with no trust no relationship is true. You need trust in order to have all the other good stuff

  • amis09

    I love everything advised. I have been married for 3 wonderful years. The only thing I would add is ask for what you want. Don’t leave it up for them to try to figure out or read your mind. Guys are not good at that. Mine will do anything under the sun for me…I just have to ask.

  • KatieTaylor

    Meh. This looks like something a 16-year-old put together in thirty minutes. Not impressed. And romance? I like action.

  • Meredith

    I wish my mom had this list, and my father as well. Its hard to find and develop this kind of relationship myself without a good physical representation to follow. thank you so much for including the verses!

  • Jessa995

    Something is GOING to come up that “you didn’t sign up for.” When this happens, think back to your ceremony. Did you agree to “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer”? If so, you DID sign up for whatever has happened. God will get you through it, you will be a stronger woman for it, you will enjoy a stronger marriage because of it, and your marriage will be a stronger testimony because of it. Also, don’t let a friend or family member negatively influence how you handle these things. You are uniquely suited to handle certain trials that they may not be capable of coping with. It doesn’t make you better or worse than them, just differently enabled in the Lord. You will not be faced with a trial that you cannot get through with God’s help. Trust Him, and trust your spouse enough to communicate.

  • Amy B

    Thank you so much. I love the whole list but I especially needed number 9. Thanks for the reminder. I’ve been married for 6 months and we’re still getting the hang of this whole marriage thing. :)

  • Debbie Fuller

    Great list but one thing that needs to be added. Know that not every problem has a solution. Learn to live with some issues not solved.

  • TorriGirl

    I would add that love is a decision. One that needs to be made every single day. So that 15, 20 years down the line when you feel so overwhelmed by life and you look at your husband who you don’t even seem to know anymore, you can sit there and say “I chose to love you, the same way I loved you when you proposed, the same way I loved you when we got married, and the same way I loved you before each of our children were born.” Love is a decision and too many people don’t make that decision these days.

  • alyssa.rasnick

    Had a rough morning this morning and this post caused me to remember what its really all about. Thanks for giving me the strength to speak truth over my husband and love him for the godly man he is.

  • shrimpmanchu

    Thanks this is just what I needed to hear this evening. Today has been rough and I needed this reminder. :)

  • kris

    I just wanted to comment about the being married to unbeliever ………..This is my first time on this site. In the Bible it clearly says “not one is good”We are All sinners and we are not judges God is our judge, we are christians,…….I couldn’t believe some of the replies on here!!!!!!!!!!And yes we are slaves to sin,, but it was Jesus who set us free………All of us………Believers and non ………….It is God’s plan who you will marry , he puts that person in your life.

  • Missy

    Throw out that old rule about never going to bed angry. Sometimes you are only fighting because you’re tired. Snuggle up and sleep on it. My husband and I tend to fight more in the evening and when we were younger we would stay up and hash it out until we were both exhausted. Eventually we would give up and go to bed only to wake up in each other’s arms in the morning. There may still be an issue to be discussed but it is much easier when both of you are well rested and have had some time to reflect. Also, don’t pull that “go sleep on the couch” junk. It doesn’t matter how angry you are you still shouldn’t deny each other a loving touch and the comfort of sleeping next to each other. Many times I will reach out and hold my husband’s hand when a discussion is getting heated and it helps keep us from getting into an argument.

  • David Miller

    I want to testify the world, how authentic alayetemple@yahoo.com . I can say from the 1st time i got your email address, I felt much more confident with you than with any other caster. It’s obvious that you are not here only for money but truly to help people. I thank God I choose you to cast a love spell for me. When I read all the bad reports about so many casters I was freaking out to send you so much money but now I don’t regret it a second. Valeria gave me a phone call only 3 days after you told me you finished the love spell. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking it would have been so fast. Only 3days after the end of the spell we met up on the 4th day and we made love all night. It was fantastic and emotionally it was even better than our very first date! Everything happened as you promised and I thank you for your sincerity. Much love.

  • hannah

    Thank you so much for this! I am newly engaged and this really refocused me on the good things you can do in your relationship and not get caught up in all the negativity that happens in life. THANKS!

  • Kari

    I would add pray TOGETHER…not just for each other

  • Jane Thamson

    Thank you thank you DR IMOMOH for what you have just done, for helping me getting my husband who left me with two kids years ago to me I thank you so much the great ogodomi of imomohspelltemple@hotmail.com for Bringing back my family i am great full and will always be if you also Need his help his email (imomohspelltemple@hotmail.com ) My name is elen jones I am from spain i want to share my happiness with the general public of what DR imomoh of india but now in africa has done for me in the last few weeks i was once in love this guy called McCarty we in love with each other until traveled out of my state for two year and we promise ourselves to be together forever, but before return from my journey he where now having another lover when i try to come back to he. He told me i should go away i love him so much that i could not let he go just like that then i told a friend about it and she advice me and recommend this man imomoh for me when i visit he at imomohspelltemple@hotmail.com he only ask me to buy some items for sacrifices to help me get my ex back and he actually did it and it work well and today I am happy with incase any one is out there with same problem or any kind I advice he or she to contact this man today at imomohspelltemple@hotmail.com and with what he did for me I believe he can also help you thank once again Dr Imomoh

  • Faith Steven

    My Name is faith, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Moko has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, i was married to this man called Steven we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when i was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email (mokospellcaster@gmail.com) then you won’t believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Moko for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail (mokospellcaster@gmail.com ) and he will also help you as well.”

  • cindy

    I want to share my testimony to you all which i believe you can still try your best to give a testimony like this so i was married to Henry at first will both love each other but short time he started a new behavior which i cannot even explain to any one then i keep it to my self hopping one day he will change for good no way he did not change so i was in pain every day don’t no what to do on till one day when a friend of mine visited me in my office she met me crying then she was asking me what is going on i try to be cam but i could not then i open up to her telling me there is a way out which i will do before he left me with my kids i look up and not knowing what to do then i ask her to tell me. shortly she open up to me and say there is a man called Dr.Igbodo he is a spirit man he can do it with in three days then i look an said okay i will try my best to contact him, four days later, my husband did not come home i called his phone switch off then i try my possible best i did not hear from him so i began to look for one way for a help so i remember my friend told me about one man call Dr.okafor i quickly run to my friend asking her if she still have Dr.Igbodo contact then she gave it to me that was how i contacted this great man of spirit he did it for me so quick so now i can now control my husband in any thing even i can tell him that i don’t want him outside today he will not. Now i have a happy family today. you can contact Dr.okafor via email okaforspiritualtemple@gmail.com,

  • Orlando Wilson

    After 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he treatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet Dr. Trust who help people with the relationship and marraige problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a spell and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologising, now he has stoped going out with ladies and he his with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem at ultimatespellcast@gmail.com. Goodluck

  • Monique

    I really want to thank Dr Ishvara for saving my marriage. My husband really treat me bad and left the home for almost 1 month i was sick because of this,i was not my self again, then i told my friend about my husband case then she told me to contact Dr Ishvara that he will help me bring back my husband he told me what i need to do spiritually to bring back my husband. They cast a spell of return back of love on him. And he came back home for forgiveness and today we are happy again, i want you all who are having relationship, ex and even husband problem, and also getting back your wife to contact ishvaratemple@yahoo.com Wish you all success.

  • Anabel Samsom

    what a wonderful and powerful man i have seen in DR OYAKILO of oyakhilobhegbelovespelltemple@live.com , am miss LINDA DALLIS here is my short story and how this man DR OYAKHILO came to my rescues i got married to my husband in the year 2007 and we were both in love and our married life was one of the best marital home in my community not until last year when my husband went to Spain on a business trip and he was suppose to come back in two weeks time on that business trip and to my best and ugly surprise he did come back on his two week even when i try calling he no longer respond to my calls and this period i was carrying his baby inside me and i began to fall sick because i was now suspecting something met have happened to he until when it was now a month my husband came back home and i observe that he was not acting the way he use to before the journey to Spain so one day he woke up and ask me out of the house and i thought it was a joke but it was not because he threaten to do something stupid to me and the baby if i refuse to live the house so i want to my mother house and after two month i began seeing my husband with another lady only for me to find out that he brought the lady from Spain so i was down and looking for what to do to get my husband back because the way the lady was dancing around with my husband i knew it was not just ordinary so i vow not to rest until i have my husband back with me and my new baby because this time i have given birth to the baby and my husband never come to say hello so one day as i was browsing on the internet i saw a testimony shared by a lady named Susan about this DR OYAKHILO and i took his email and contact he and give he my problems and to my best surprise he told me not worry that in days time Scott my lover will come back so after i have done as he told me to do and he did this powerful love spell for me and ask me to seat back and wait for the call of my husband it look like a joke to me so i just seat down in my house and i received a text message from Scott asking after the baby and in 12 hours later he called and started begging for forgiveness that was how i get my lost husband back so with this kind of help from this man i promise to share his testimony till the day i die so other,s can also benefit from it , once again thank you DR OYAKHILO of oyakhilobhegbelovespelltemple@live.com , contact for any kind of help and i believe you will also find success OR VIST HIM ON HIS SITE VIA http://WWW.OYAKHILOBHEGBELOVESPELLTEMPLE.SIMPLESITE.COM

    He can do the same thing in your life.
    Email:oyakhilobhegbelovespelltemple@live.com

  • grace

    i thank you this Dr,Ancient as you put smile on my face again. back,because it has been a lonely life for me since 3years ago because of my body no one want to marry me but when i contacted you i became every man desire and my Ex has come back again with many flowers and even begging me to come have a marriage with him..wow these is the happiest time of my life and i thank you papa,but if you also need help, you can contact him via ancientbeninshrine@gmail.com

  • Christine

    Number 9 struck a cord for me. I just had this conversation with my husband last night about how I did not feel worthy or appreciated. Your words helped me realize, I can not feel it from my husband if I do not feel it in myself or in front of God. Thank you.

  • Whitney

    Thank you for casting the custom spell to return my Ex. He is back home with us now and things couldn’t be better! I’m just amazed at how well and accurate the spell was. Almost every single one of my requests were fulfilled and I couldn’t be happier! We are all taking a trip next week (we are taking our kids to Florida for a well deserved vacation) something that we never had done before (and also one of my spell requests) I’m so excited and so are our kids! We thank you! Iseselelovetemple@gmail.com

  • Lara Smith

    I am Lara smith from melbourne australia, after six years in marriage with my husband with 3 kids, he suddenly started going out with other women and coming home late, each time i confronted him it turns out to be a fight and he always treathened to divorce me at all time, my marriage was gradually coming to an end. i tried all i could to stop him from this unruly attitude but all proved abortive, until i saw a post in the forum about a spell caster who helps people cast spell on marriage and relationship problems, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this Spell caster Dr. ofua via email, he helped me cast a spell and within 4 hours my husband came back apologizing for all he has done and promised never to do such again and today we are happily together again. Contact this Great spell caster for your marriage or relationship issues via this email; ofuaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • becky kelly

    After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is odialovespelltemple@gmail.com

  • Whitney

    Thank you for casting the custom spell to return my Ex. He is back home with us now and things couldn’t be better! I’m just amazed at how well and accurate the spell was. Almost every single one of my requests were fulfilled and I couldn’t be happier! We are all taking a trip next week (we are taking our kids to Florida for a well deserved vacation) something that we never had done before (and also one of my spell requests) I’m so excited and so are our kids! We thank you! Iseselelovetemple@gmail.com

  • becky kelly

    After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is odialovespelltemple@gmail.com

  • Denise

    HELLO TO YOU ALL OUT HERE,

    My name is Denise i never believe that my EX will ever come back to me after all that happens,well all thanks to DOCTOR SAKURA,i married to one MR Williams we got married at our early age of 20 we love our selves dearly,but after 30 years of our marriage my husband change and turn into some thing else it look like i married to a stranger,i was confuse so i don’t know what to do my children was aware of what is going on between both of us,they talk to there father and still yet he continued i later found out that my husband is seeing some one else i found out who this person is i discover she was just a little girl that is up to be my daughter’s age mate,she followed my husband just because of money and she was far younger than me could you believe my husband said to my face that am too old for him he need some one younger in his life that he needs a divorce he said to me is all over that he have nothing to do with me any longer,but i don’t know what to do i still love him some much not only for the love i have for him but for the children sake,how can some one from no were come into my house to ripe were she did not sold,i surf erred with my husband to get every thing we got today i came to think about it and i said to my self no i can’t let go just like that,i have always hard of a spell caster he have helped meaning of my friend to get there love once back and help then in different area were they are having problems,so i contacted him online and i share my problems with him he helped me out and my husband later come back to me with love and care just as before,once again thanks to DOCTOR SAKURA if you need his help contact him with this email: sakuraspelltemple@gmail.com he can help you to solve any of your problems okay.

  • LARA

    I want to say thank you thank you thank you to Ancient Drosobaspelltemple for everything so far. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one of those ones at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read through the testimonials of other people at this website and after I talked osoba who answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my guy back. So my story is that I was at my office when the guy I am in love with told me that he wasn’t in love with me and never will be and that he didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since he was talking to this other girl. When I talked to Dr osoba, he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the ones that was to get him back to me and stay with me and want to marry me.As soon as he started on the spells, my guy came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful for that. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what Dr osoba said would happen. He’s always there when you need him and that’s also after the spell is done. I’m still waiting for the spells to completely manifest, but with all that has happened so far I’m very happy because given only four months ago in March, if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! Lara. contact is email address osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com

  • Deborah

    My name is Deborah Clinton. My life has been sour since i became a cripple at the age of 12 and this has really affected my living. I met Cyril during the Olympic when i was 26 years old and he was a very funny and caring guy who taught me how important i am to world. He made me understands been crippled is not the end of the world for me and i was very happy having him as my companion. Justin was a very hardworking guy and he promise to marry me before he left for business trip in China. Two months later he arrived from China and never visited me. I was told by my brother that Justin is now going out with my friend and this really broke me down cos he is the only one that truly loves me. No one wants to go out with me because i am a cripple. I and my brother traveled to South Africa to watch the world cup when i heard about Ancient Remedy Temple. I never believe in God because i am a cripple and i believe that no one can ever make me walk again but when i heard about his great power, i decided to go there. I begged my brother to take me Ancient Remedy Temple. I spent 7 days in his healing center and it surprises me that on the 7th day, i was able to stand and walk. The priest told me that Justin was under a spell and he prayed for me to destroy every obstacle in my life. I came back home and i was shocked to see Justin. He came and begged me for forgiveness, our relationship came back normal. I am very happy to inform the general public that i and Justin are happily married since October last year and i am pregnant. I know that people might be passing through any problem and i will advise you to contact Ancient Remedy Temple because his miracle is free. His email address is ancientremedy1@gmail.com

  • Anna Lewis

    Thank you DR.OLOKUN The love spell worked and my ex returned to me. You are a marvelous, wonderful, shocking and extraordinary person with so much talent. You have a gift like no other I have seen. You are an amazing person with a beautiful soul and inner balance that shines on all you meet. You surpass any and all other gifted individuals I have ever met. Your information is so accurate it is incredibly unbelievable. Your wonder-working magical know how of the universe and its laws are magnified within a structure so unique it’s impossible to find anywhere. Again, thank you for everything! olokuspiritualworldtemple@gmail.com is the only answer to your problems ,Anna Lewis {+2348133047855}

  • queeneth thomas

    Mrs Natasha want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband john Mark, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady ;, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more and said we should go for divorce. i was so confused and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Edwina who told who gave me the solution to my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem earlier and introduce me to a man called Prophet Zabizabi who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 24hrs.I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by 24hrs he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, his contact is:prophetZabizabi. He is the best spell caster on the internet so far email:prophetZabizabispelltemple@gmail.com Thank you once again father, i will continue to share your good work as long as i live and i will advice everyone in similar situation to to try and see. thanks

  • grace

    i thank you this Dr,Ancient as you put smile on my face again. back,because it has been a lonely life for me since 3years ago because of my body no one want to marry me but when i contacted you i became every man desire and my Ex has come back again with many flowers and even begging me to come have a marriage with him..wow these is the happiest time of my life and i thank you papa,but if you also need help, you can contact him via ancientbeninshrine@gmail.com

  • lara

    I want to say thank you thank you thank you to Ancient Dr of(osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com) for everything so far. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one of those ones at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read through the testimonials of other people at this website and after I talked (osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com) who answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my guy back. So my story is that I was at my office when the guy I am in love with told me that he wasn’t in love with me and never will be and that he didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since he was talking to this other girl. When I talked to Dr (osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com) he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the ones that was to get him back to me and stay with me and want to marry me.As soon as he started on the spells, my guy came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful for that. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what Dr (osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com) said would happen. He’s always there when you need him and that’s also after the spell is done. I’m still waiting for the spells to completely manifest, but with all that has happened so far I’m very happy because given only four months ago in March, if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now no one would believe it! Lara. contact is email address osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com

  • ken345

    True love is more of an action than just a feeling, and is something you should choose to do every day. In relationships you should never keep score and both partners should try to Give 70% and Receive 30%. Finally in a good marriage a man should have a wife and a girlfriend, but in a good marriage, it’s the same woman. It works the same way for a woman having a husband and boyfriend and in a good marriage it’s the same man. Don’t forget that romance is what brought you together and should be a part of your marriage on into old age.

  • jennish

    I want to testify of what a spell caster did for me and my
    hubby.we have been married since 2007 without a sign of pregnancy.I went
    off birth control then and did not have a period.my gyro gave me
    progesterone to jump-start a period and it did.,but i did not have
    another one.we did another round of progesterone followed by 100mg
    clomid for 5 months,we followed all doctors instructions but all to no
    avail.I have been buying ovulation kits pregnancy test AND i finally got
    3 test when i was ovulating! So ever since that we been trying for
    years now! Well i was very confused because i keep taking ept test AND
    they all keep turning out to b negative! I really want a baby girl while
    my hubby want a baby boy LOLL! I think maybe we are just trying to
    hard, What i can tell you is that its been so many years now and i still
    yet do not have my period??nobody to help because every body around us
    was already at the verge of losing their faith on us.no were to run to
    until one faithful day i was reading a magazine and i stumble on a page
    were i found topic or a head line {A SPELL CASTER} who can heal someone
    from HIV AND AIDS,bring back your EX,enlarge your BREAST,help you win a
    VISA LOTTERY,losing your WEIGHT and even get six PACKS AND flatten your
    BELLY,I gave him a try and before i could no it Dr OJuku rescue me from
    my problem by casting a spell for me and told me to go and make love
    with my hubby,then nine months after the spell and making love with my
    husband i delivered a twins A BOY AND A GIRL.This spell caster name is
    Dr Ojuku so many people have witness his wonderful work..He is nice,
    contact him on (droyekpenspelltemple@outlook.com if you are in any
    predicament Hume•Thanks so very much!! All thanks to Dr Ojuku
    Regard…….

  • Athena Mavreas

    Thank you! Very touching and helpful for my nervous, scared, and anxious self, getting ready to marry my marine in 6 months.

  • Nick

    Well, thanks indeed**** for the info for married people. Pretty to God and myself!!!! Now, I am concerned or very interested to know from God if He has planned *within His wisdom for me to date. I am very loving and it concerned me the first several times of the reality of not dating. Yet, I desire immensely want to be glad with what direction God wants me in. So I excitedly want to ask some of you people who are single and maybe working or studying or going to do so or are dating or married: DID you ever consider whether God wanted YOU to date or not? Do you think it just “happens” and you meet someone who will share joy with you??
    I was sharing this with a Christian friend (and thankfully I am Christian and proud to know God’s truths) and he misunderstands me and thinks that I imply by telling him about this stuff that THERE MUST**** be a Scripture verse that says exactly: God wants you to date or not and here is why. Understand? I know that I cannot beat God’s perfection and what He wants for us. Think of heaven, too. Wow, this is the one thing in life that I view as “the hardest thing to accept.” What if God tells me that I should date indeed? Easy, yet I have less chances to share the gospel, yet God will be in control of all things. If not, then I want to united with good friends and relatives and neighbors to edify each other. I know that i am not surely alone. Jesus gave us John 3:16-His love. I know that He did!!!!! I want friends to (help) me be content in my life. I have decided a while back that I will let myself live a happy life instead of being lonely because I think that it would be so GREAT to be married and have all of the joys and challenges of it. I have a Choice and I want to really know what you all think of this. Thank you and I want to be thorough here. Okay? Could you e-mail- me or see my on Facebook please??

  • vicky

    I was married to my beloved husband and we loved and cherished ourselves for good 2years and every thing was going on smoothly but june 29, 2013 we both had misunderstanding and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I plead to him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love my husband very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning love spell from this great spell caster called Dr Orissa that made me a happy woman again to say it all my husband came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster you are a great man in this world and you mean so much to me you are the best spell caster. you can contact this man via this email if you really need to get your problems solve orissatemple@yahoo.com

  • Anabel Motenegro

    “It has been a few month since my husband left home and every time we have the opportunity to talk we always argue.I contacted drlawrencespelltemple@homail.com for a spell to restore my marriage. The following week my husband call me and asked for forgiveness for everything that he had done in the past. This weekend we are going to spend it together with our children to celebrate our anniversary I have faith in Dr Lawrence that He was going to save my marriage. Trust in Him; He has the last word in everything. thanks to drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com !”
    or call +2348143988536

  • Berry Smith

    Marriage Advice for Unhappy Couples

  • Michelle

    Never go to bed mad at each other, even if you have to stay up all night!

  • Ginny

    Wow. I really needed to hear that! Thank you – THANK YOU!

  • Amanda LaCroix

    I once heard someone describe the relationship with a spouse and with God as a triangle. You, spouse, God, are all the points in the triangle. Each relationship is a unique line that cannot intersect. The bottom line (you and your spouse) can move, so as you each get closer and closer to your relationship with Christ, in turn you will grow closer to each other.

  • Ephizy

    I have been together with my ex boyfriend for 5 years and we were already making plans to get married before we broke up recently. I like to admit that we did have our differences and we had a few fights often but we always got out of it. About 3 weeks ago, I literarily caught him flirting with a very close friend of mine, it’s totally unacceptable to me and that led to a separation. We broke up after that incident and I told him I never want to see him again. At this moment, it’s barely two weeks ago and I miss him already. I don’t want to lose my ex boyfriend to any gold digger. I want to know how to attract my boyfriend to me again, I need to know how to win his heart get my ex back into my life? I called him several times and he would not even pick up his phone. I don’t care if I have to use psychological tricks or tips advice to win back his heart after the break up. Everything I’ve tried to do seems not to be working. I love my boyfriend, he loved me and I don’t know what to do or say. He was the one who cheated on me and I’m to forgive him. But he didn’t even try to reconcile. I know he loves me, but my best friend whom he flirted with is trying to steal my boyfriend away from me,I need to reconnect and reunite our
    relationship, i try all my best until i mate a female great spell caster online Name Dr Kate (katelovespell@hotmail.com) i explain every thing that happened to me, she told me not to worry that she is gonna help me if only i can help my self and i told her yes. she promise to help me cast a return and love spell that last forever, after i summit my information, she cast the return and love spell and guarantee me after three days my ex-boyfriend is going to call me and asking for my forgiveness, i was so surprise the third day of it in the morning my ex-boyfriend call me on phone telling me he is come back that i should forgive him, thank you once again Dr kate (katelovespell@hotmail.com) she is the best you can reach her email address.

  • MICHELLE ALEHANDRO

    my names are Leonard Wilsonian want to testify to the how world of my good experience with Dr UDUEHI the spell caster, my wife ran away from our marriage after 3 years of marriage because she was felt i was not the right man for her due to the fact that she was been deceived by her friends in her working place . and she also took our only son along with her so after she left i was not my self because i loved her so so much so i vowed not to rest until i am able to bring my wife back home because i knew she was be deceived by her friends so i began to look for what to do so one day as i was browsing i saw a post about this Dr UDUEHI of uduehisolutiontemple@yahoo.com on how he helped a lady to restored her relationship so i decided to give him try believe me when i tell my story to Dr UDUEHI him assure me three days my wife will come back home and that was what actually happened so with these great thing Dr UDUEHI has just done for me i have promise to always share his testimonies for others to hear bye

  • Antonia

    Thank you priest idigun for what you’ve just done, for helping me getting my husband back who left me with my kid years ago, I thank you so much the great priest of owonikoko for bringing back my family and I am grateful and will always be, if you also need his help you can email him (idigunpriest@gmail.com) my name is Antonia Paker I am from the states I want to share my happiness with the general public of what priest idigun of indian has done for me in the last few weeks, I was in love with this guy called Maxwell, We were in love with each other until I travelled out for some month and we promised ourselves to be together forever, when I got back from my journey he was having another affair, when I went to see him, he told me to leave him that I should never come back again, and I love him so much that I can never let go off him, I told a friend of mine about it and she adviced me and recommended this man (idigun) for me, when I visited him at idigunpriest@gmail.com he only asked me to buy some items for sacrifies to help me get my Ex back and he actually did it and it worked and today I am happy with my family again, incase anyone is out there with the same problem or any kind, I advice he or she to contact this man today at idigunpriest@gmail.com and with what he did for me I believe he can also help you. Thanks once again Priest Idigun.

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