6 Ways To Build Up Your Husband {Guest Post}

*Please welcome my friend, Darlene, from Time Warp Wife, today as she shares some great ideas on how to build up your husband!*

Last night I noticed a little water on the kitchen floor by the sink, which is par for the course considering that most days Nathaniel spills far more than he drinks. But when I noticed a bulging box of Cascade under the sink this afternoon and another puddle of water beneath my feet I knew we had a leak somewhere that had to be fixed.

It wasn’t too serious, but enough of a drip that I stood on towels to wash dishes and changed my socks once or twice.

The sound of Michael tinkering in the kitchen after dinner was music to my ears. I wondered if he might be too tired or too busy to get to it this evening, but since we both know that water can cause permanent damage if it’s left to soak, he wanted to get it repaired right away.

Looking at the scriptures I’m reminded of yet another damaging drip–a contentious woman.

A continual dripping on a very rainy day,And a contentious woman are alike; ~ Proverbs 27:15

 Contention appears in a number of ways including opposing, nagging, arguing, challenging, belittling, and competing. And why do we do it? Because somehow we think that by nagging him we’re encouraging our husbands to be a better person.

It seems to makes sense at the time, but the truth is that many of our husbands–and many wives for that matter–have fragile egos that should be handled with care and respect.

In the same way that a leaky faucet can cause permanent damage, our words if left unchecked can damage our relationships and cause cause resentment to grow. I can’t imagine what the state of my kitchen would be if we let that faucet leak for 10 years, but in some marriages that’s what’s happening. Sometimes the damage appears surmountable. Giving up–they walk away.

If this problem is going on in our marriage, we need to get in there and immediately start to make changes that work to build up our husbands rather than tearing them down. Certainly it takes the work of two people to form a strong marriage bond, butmy advice to you is that we concentrate on our share of the work and leave them to do theirs.

Here are six ways we can start building up our husbands today:

  1. Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what’s on his heart.
  2. Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
  3. Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
  4. Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
  5. See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
  6. Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
Thank you Darlene! Here is a little more about Darlene:

Darlene is an ordinary mom, living an extraordinary life, because of who she is through Jesus Christ. As help-meet to her husband Michael, she guides and nurtures their four children, leading them toward a deeper walk of faith.  She is a New York Times best-selling author through the book she co-authored with actress Candace Cameron Bure titled, Reshaping it All: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness.  You can find her blogging at Time-Warp Wife where she empowers wives to joyfully serve and on twitter.
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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/April-Born/1638445670 April Born

    Thank you for this great post! It saddens me greatly that today many women think that they are supposed to be negative about and to their husbands…especially when other women are “complaining”. May many gals, through your post, come to know that it’s OK to love, honor and respect our men (and that, in fact, God wants us to do so!!!)…no matter what other wives say or do! Blessings!

  • Amanda

    Beautiful post. Thank you Joy and Darlene. Can I ask you for prayer this morning? I’ve been striving to be the Proverbs 31 woman (following WLW’s study) and the Lord has been working in me. My husband has noticed and commented on the changes he’s seen. Here’s the thing, he isn’t seeking the Lord and he isn’t making any efforts to strengthen our marriage. We’ve been through so much and almost separated at the beginning of this year and then I encountered the Lord like never before in my life. And the Lord had me confront my own sin, as I was failing to be my husband’s helpmeet in retalliation for him not loving me as Christ loves the church. The Lord revealed so much to me. You can read about it here if you’d like: http://pagesofamanda.blogspot.com/2012/05/transparenta-confession.html

    Anyhow, I feel so alone.. I know I’m not alone. And the Lord spoke to me through Joy’s post the other day about whe we feel our efforts go unnoticed. He reminded me with Galatians 6:9 to not become weary in doing good, because ultimately my reward is eternal. I know all these things. It’s just hard being in a marriage with a man who doesn’t love and seek the Lord as I so wish he would. And it’s painful when I’ve finally learned to submit only to have him tell me that I’m too sensitive and weak now. I feel as if he’s stepping all over me now. Forgive me for letting this out here but I felt comfortable enough to share this with both of you. I admire you both so much…Thank you for listening. Blessings.

    • http://www.time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/ Darlene Schacht

      That verse from Galatians is a perfect fit. Also I’m reminded of Joseph who refused the advances of Potipher’s wife. Remember that his reward did not come from Potipher–quite the opposite actually–but it came from the Lord who blessed him in an entirely different way. There are days when we do all that we can for people and get nothing in return, that’s when we have to remember where our reward comes from.

      But with that said–yes–I will pray for you. God can move mountains and He does!

      • Amanda

        Thank you Darlene, for your prayers and for your word of encouragement. Blessings to you.

    • Cassie

      I understand where you are coming from. I accepted the Lord as my savior 6 years ago and over those years God has grown me into being the helpmeet I am supposed to be. It has been a long road since our marriage was based on my controlling it and him following. So now 6 years later and LOTS of prayers later my husband this march accepted Jesus as his Lord, was baptized and is slowly starting to take over headship of our home and marriage. Prayer is the key. Keep following Gods leading to be the helpmeet you were created to be and praying for your husband. HUGS and prayers.

      • Amanda

        Cassie, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. It encourages me so! Hugs right back!

  • Leah

    Thank You. I needed this reminder this week.

  • HomeschoolontheCroft

    I can think of nothing I dread more than being a nagging wife. After 20 years of marriage, and being a failure in many ways, I can honestly (I think) say that I nagging my husband is something I just don’t do. I saw it in others and ….. well, I think if people saw it in others, they’d run a mile from it! Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of other faults. The strange thing is that I get told (quite regularly) from ‘older women’ that I ought to ‘get him to do this ‘ and ‘get him to do that’ and ‘don’t stop until he does it for you’… In other words, ‘Nag him until you get the job done’.
    Noooooo! Better having a dozen jobs undone, than be a nagging wife (even the word sounds horrible, doesn’t it :/ )

    • Morrish9

      I am using your last line as my facebook status today. I’ll give you credit. :-)

  • http://memyselfandmercy.blogspot.com/ Mary Bonner

    I love this post. I have been working on this in my own life and marriage. Thanks for some great ideas.

  • http://blessedbeyondmeasure-ts.blogspot.com/ Torrie

    I love the comparison of a nagging woman to a leaking faucet. Both are equally annoying! These are great tips! Love Darlene ♥

  • http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal

    Wonderful post! I’m sharing this :) I know it’s something that I need to continue to work on. Blessings to you, Darlene! (and Joy as well)

  • Karen Goode

    Seems like my Heavenly Father does these things for me, too.

  • Elisabeth Lilla

    Re: #5, I think that if you love him for who he is (rather than who you want him to be), then it’s a lot easier to build him up in/for who he is. Of course, all of that first requires seeing who he is! But I know too many women who accept who he is, rather than loving who he is.

  • Krista L

    I’m not married, although I can definitely relate and appreciate your words. I was reading this, and thought to myself, this lady should be an author. And as I approached the bottom of the page, I realized it was written by Darlene, the author Reshaping it All: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness. Great composition of thought, and my favorite part is on the contentious woman. I’ve been her many many times, and I know that God wants us to be content with the things that truly matter, the condition of our heart and how we display ourselves w/ others.

  • JMichelle

    Although I agree with the majority of this post and see how incredibly valuable it is to be a source of encouragement and not a vehicle of constant criticism (or attempt to be our husband’s “Holy Spirit”) , I find it so very dangerous when Christian subculture works to “protect” a mans ego. As my husband says, “it’s not my wife’s job to tell me who I am as a man, I need to find my identity in the Lord.”. This allows us to be honest with each other and mutually respecting. Not speaking truth because I don’t want to damage my husband’s “fragile ego” is doing a disservice to him. However, the combination of speaking truth IN LOVE and encouragement is something I do pray to learn and live out daily. Thanks so much for the valuable post!

  • smash

    I definitely agree with the intended message, but there are certainly issues and faults that NEED to be addressed… in each of our lives; and in many mens’ lives, the only person close enough to even know about these areas is his wife. Rather than say, “ignore his faults”- which might include addictive or self damaging, illegal or risky behaviours, rebellion from the God he proclaims, neglect or even abuse of his family members… I would appreciate godly council on how to address serious problems while remaining loving and respectful. This message is a good one, but I think some mention should be made of how we SHOULD address things- serious things, or even lack of interest or support running a home and parenting… these are real problems. Ignoring them doesn’t necessarily work… and could actually be very irresponsible…

    • MrsUbong Ben Samuel

      Thats so true but I’m pretty sure what she was addressing is more like dumb things he forgot the anniversary or he don’t make a whole lot of money! Or he’s.dealing with things and instead of bringing it to you to work it out he took it to a friend things like that! So many small things have been reasons for women walking away and if we can get those ones like I almost became to stop with the dumb issues we can go back and focus on those with real serious issues and support them! That’s what she’s focusing on by saying let go dumb stuff nobody’s perfect and there is women going thru way more trust my sister is and I prays over her my dumb issues makes me feel like a jag off and I pray that some one helps you and any other women dealing with these issues! Sometimes the best thing is to let them to God! They are men and its hard for them to hear their wives so they need their Father and brothers in there! I know a lot of Christian men that took their wives through stuff like that and they all stated when their wives stood and let God move that’s when they change they wouldn’t take their craps no more and each of them states it was hard for them as a wife to do so but they stood in faith I hope you find your Answer and be Bless

  • Raising Mighty Arrows

    Such a great post as always, Darlene. A constant reminder that so many of us need day after day.

  • Sue Hancock

    My husband and I try our best not to say anything negative about each other in public. What we say in public is good about the other. When we get home, he tells me what he says and it just make me love him more. When I tell him how sweet it was, he’ll just say it was the truth. We have been married 46 years and still love one another. When people as how we have made it work, I tell them to put God in the middle. As long as you are obeying what He says, marriage can be good.