Contentment | Grace Full Mama

Living Slow

October 12, 2012 By Joy

I love hanging up the laundry. I love answering the question, “Can we read one more story?” with a resounding yes. I love feeling excitement instead of stress when I hear my squeaky gate open announcing a visitor. I love taking time to steep myself in His Word throughout the day. I love stopping to smell the roses {literally! My roses smell amazing.}. I love having the time to spend visiting a new friend at the hospital. I love making bread. I love sipping coffee. I love laughing as I sit and watch all the neighborhood boys join in a game of soccer in my front yard.

I love living slow. I love living deep instead of fast. I love finding God in all of these moments in my day.

Some people manage to do all these things AND do an amazing job at blogging. Apparently I am not one of those people. I love blogging, but I also love not blogging. How is that for confusing?

I am spending time figuring out how to do life well as I have come back to Indonesia after a time of rest in the US. I am figuring out who I am and what I am about.

Just thought I’d let you know.

If you are in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by. I will be excited to hear the gate open. You can smell the roses on your way in, join in the soccer game, and be sure to grab a piece of bread. Come on out back, I’ll be hanging up the laundry. We can sit and sip some coffee and chat.

For now I am going to be quiet. But not forever.

Filed Under: contentment

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When You Feel Like You’ve Failed

September 9, 2012 By Joy

This is my story, my before Indonesia story. It brings tears in the telling, and the pain still rings true today. But rather than a story of failure and depression, it is a story of God’s faithfulness and the hope that is found in Him.

It begins in high school. Every summer I worked in the Alaskan “bush” at a Bible camp. I lived and breathed Alaska. I ate up all of the showerless days, canoe rides, fishing, and endless long talks about God with searching children and teens. During college, I continued to go to Alaska in the summers because my heart was forever intertwined with its beautiful people.

A few years later, Dave and I met, fell in love, and married. He finished flight training at Moody Aviation, and fresh out of college, the Lord called us to Alaska.

We raised support in record time and set off to the Alaskan bush, with a bouncing baby boy, Britton, not yet one year old.

The first few months of life in the Alaskan bush were wonderful. The little village, above the Arctic Circle, was full of beautiful native people who became fast friends . . . especially the kids and teens. Living in a small 380 square foot cabin, with no running water and hunting our own food didn’t phase me. I loved the adventure of it all.

And then. And then. Winter came {in August} and the days became shorter and melded into non-existent, with the sun grazing the horizon at noon. The temperatures continued to drop, and drop, and drop, until they settled in around negative fifty degrees on most days, with negative seventy on the coldest days.

As the snow swirled outside our thin plywood walls, the perfect storm began to swirl in my heart and soul.

The teens and children began to open up, to share, and it broke my heart. I was totally unprepared for the reality these children shared with me, the reality they faced in their lives on a daily basis. Our home became a refuge for children when their parents were drinking, or worse, and I began to take on each and every one’s pain. Words like sexual abuse, suicide, neglect and alcohol abuse became faces, instead of just words. And I was devastated.

I desperately hung on to my little family and tried to guard young Britton while dealing with the morning sickness of a new pregnancy, Hannah.

And as the storm of depression, anxiety, and pain swirled in me, it erupted onto my relationship with Dave. Married less than three years and so young and naive, we began to take out our stress and pain on each other with angry words.

Ultimately, I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of despair with no way out.

And as I imploded, I hardly knew how to ask for help. It went from bad to worse, and, after two years, we left that dear little village in Alaska. We returned home, battered, beaten up, and what I viewed as “failures.”

I was officially done with mission work of any and ALL kind, and wanted nothing to do with the topic. We returned to our hometown and Dave got a job in construction.

There, in the midst of “failure”, God showed up. In so many little ways, He brought people to love on us. He brought us into a community of God lovin’ people who didn’t care how messed up and burned out I was. Over time, He restored my soul, so that this girl who never wanted to hear “missions” mentioned again was excited, even thrilled, to head overseas to an island in Indonesia we now call home. He showed me He is in control….He doesn’t need me to accomplish His work, I just get to be a part of it!

The right circumstances, the right words from Him, to restore my soul.

He took my anger, my depression, my failure, and turned it into wisdom, experience, and hope. It took what I thought to be a colossal failure and made it into the best “boot camp” experience of my life.

If you are feeling broken, worn down, depressed today, I hope my story of brokenness can give you hope.

Remember beauty really does come from the ashes, and in God’s family, there are no failures, or better yet, there are nothing BUT failures. We are all failures. If we weren’t failures the cross would not have been needed. But it is and we are.

So, what do you need if you are feeling broken?

1.Community. Find those people who will love on you . . . the ones who will speak truth, allow you to be broken, but also point you to the cross.

2. Christ. He died and covered ALL failings, big and small. Turn to Him with your pain and your failure. Allow Him to carry the burden of your pain.

3. Confidence. Confidence to be a mess in front of people. Confidence in God’s plan for your life. You have no idea how God might use today’s failings in tomorrow’s triumphs. Cling to hope. If He has overcome the world, He can surely overcome your current mess.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:32-33

God is in the business of using broken, used-up people for His glory!

If you are feeling broken, I Invite you to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, so I might say a word of prayer for you today.

Filed Under: contentment, God's word, missionary life

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Refresh

July 23, 2012 By Joy

At the beginning of this year, I wrote this post thinking over what I wanted to focus on for this year. As I am re-evaluating at the “half-way” mark, I thought I would repost it to remind myself of my goals.

Our family just returned from an amazing family vacation that involved a lot of swimming, eating, and reading.

The Lord knew exactly what I needed to fill my soul…quiet time alone with Him, lots of fun family time, and lots of books. I have come back with a tan, a full heart, and I feel refreshed for the New Year.

I soaked up Sally’s thoughts in her book, Dancing with My Father, and it touched deep into my soul. She talked about cultivating joy through a deep relationship with the Father, “Joy is established in the secret places of our heart, where we receive the love of our King and love Him back.“

So, at the risk of sounding narcissistic {my name is Joy, ya know}, my year is going to be about pursuing joy, true joy, in His presence. “In Your presence there is fullness of joy.” Psalm 16:11

And, as an overflow of that, this is a full picture of my hopes for this year…..

I want to…..

Cultivate and Reflect Joy

Create A Life-Giving Home

Be Here and Now

Fill My Soul With Truth, Beauty, and Goodness

Live in Grace

Make Home a Sanctuary

Rest, Enjoy, Quiet

Create a Haven

Pursue Simplicity

Savor the Moments of My Life

Embrace Serving

Worship

Enjoy Stillness

Find the Glorious in the Mundane

Perhaps these things don’t sound very radical, very world-changing, very big and flashy {especially for a missionary!}…. they aren’t.

But I strongly believe these are the things that will radically change the world.

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.“ John 15:5

Care to join me?

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Linking up: Women Living Well , Time Warp Wife, and GraceLaced

Filed Under: contentment, God's word, mothering

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One Thing

July 3, 2012 By Joy

I shared yesterday about how to be a radical, and in keeping with that, I have dedicated this summer to one thing.

What is that one thing?

Come over and join me at The Better Mom to find out, and I hope that you will make it YOUR one thing too!

Thanks for joining me here! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here.

Filed Under: contentment, God's word

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The Best Way to be Radical

July 2, 2012 By Joy

I love the big, grand, sweeping stories. The moments that take your breath away. I love big radical movements, ones where the speaker calls you to the front to give something away, something big. Ones that are inspiring, that change the course of your life in a single moment. I cry reading books like Through Gates of Splendor or Safely Home where the people in the story make a sacrifice so great, it takes your breath away.

I also cry my eyes out over less sacrificial, but still moving moments. In an episode of the show, Little House on the Prairie, Pa gets hurt and can’t work. If the Ingalls family can’t harvest their crops, then they will have no food, and they will die of starvation that winter. And then, just when you think all is lost, the whole town marches across the horizon to help him harvest his crop and Pa {Michael Landon} bursts into tears {which, by the way, he does in pretty much every episode}. And I am right there with him, bawling my eyes out.

We all love story. We love feeling something deep in our soul that inspires us and incites change. I don’t think I am much different. And, by and large, it is so good. I see people rising up, being inspired to change, and not settle for status quo. Again, so, so good. My only thought is that there are times where we as Christians get the cart before the horse, a sort of Mary versus Martha scenario.

I am wondering if we are so caught up in the surrender, the “doing big things for God” and being radical, that we are forgetting to spend time with Him? Am I? Michael Horton in his book, Christless Christianity says this, “We can lose Christ by distraction as easily as by denial. ‘Christless Christianity’ can happen through addition as well as subtraction.”

And, if we are forgetting to know and love God first, what does all the “good works” really mean? Aren’t we just a bunch of good people, “doing” social justice, and forgetting the thing that is most important of all? Are we seeking Him? According to the Westminster Catechism in answer to the question,What is the chief end of man? the answer is, To glorify God and enjoy Him forever, or as John Piper puts it, “To glorify God by enjoying Him forever.”

I am convicted more and more that the most radical thing that you and I can do is to spend time with Him, at His feet, in His Word, in prayer, and in worship. These things are unseen but have a huge ripple effect into the rest of life.

I want to remember this: “I am not primarily a worker for God; I am first and foremost a lover of God. This is who I am.” -Linda Dillow, Satisfy My Thirsty Soul

And, all those little, quiet moments spent on our knees turn into one big, sweeping life that is radical.

“More than that, I count all things to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ and may be found in Him…..” Philippians 3:8

Thanks for joining me here today! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here.

Linking up with The Better Mom, Women Living Well, and Time Warp Wife

Filed Under: contentment, God's word, missionary life

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A Life of Surrender

June 27, 2012 By Joy

As I ponder my last post, I want to express to you that I am nobody. Please, as you read my words on surrender and choosing “here”, do not put me on a pedestal. I don’t belong there. I am just a normal average girl that struggles the same as every other girl. Maybe more.

Don’t think for one second that my sacrifice is any harder than yours. It’s not.

Jim Elliot said it best, “Missionaries are very human folks just doing what they’re asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody.“

And since I view every Christian believer as a missionary, wherever they happen to live, we are just a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt our beloved Somebody, aren’t we?

The truth is, we all, each one of us, if we are living a life surrendered to His will, have our own crosses to bear. Our own sacrifices to make. They all look different, but they all feel very much the same. And most of those sacrifices, no matter where we live on the globe are mostly made up of those small moments woven in and throughout our days.

“Surrender is usually dying to self on a daily basis and most often found in the mundane.” Jennie Allen, Anything

Following the Lord and doing what He asks of you isn’t always easy. It is a long obedience, one of many mundane moments. It isn’t all lights and fame and excitement. It’s a lot of little moments of choosing to live for the unseen. Moments that can be downright difficult. But ones that can be equally beautiful.

Someone asked me, “What does a life of sacrifice look like? What exactly does living in surrender mean?”

I think a life of surrender means being so in love with our Savior that we willingly fling up our hands and tell Him we are willing to do whatever He asks of us, no matter what that means. And, doing it every day, again and again.

“Therefore I urge your brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

Offering the life He has given us back to Him, to be used however He wishes. Even if that means small things. Things like making your husband’s favorite dinner, or chatting with the lady in line in front of you at the grocery store, or rubbing your son’s back when you are so tired and all you can think about is crawling into bed.

It means starting out each day with the precious Savior with open hands and saying, How can I serve You today?

It means living with Heaven in view and being about kingdom work, even in the midst of car repairs, haircuts, and Little League. It’s seeing your life and the people in it through HIS eyes. And using the gifts he has given you, “your thing”, to serve as you look towards Heaven.

“What if heaven and God and forever became our normal? Wouldn’t that change everything?”- Jennie Allen, Anything

It is being willing, because of love, to pray this prayer of Betty Scott Stam,

“Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”

And trusting Him with the outcome.

Thank you for visiting! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here.

Photo credit: My wonderful and talented hubby, Dave.

Filed Under: contentment, God's word, missionary life

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Choosing Here

June 25, 2012 By Joy

As we haul bags into a stuffy taxi to make our way to the airport, he leans over at my frowning face with a smile and says, “You know, I think maybe going on vacation isn’t good for you. It’s too hard for you to go back.” He’s right. As I mentally prepare myself for the “going back” it is always hard. I sip my last Decaf Venti Iced Nonfat Vanilla Latte {say that fast!} that I ordered in English as I think over my life.

I’ve always known what I would be leaving, moving overseas. I knew the first time, the time when we filled the big yellow bags to the brim and smiled in front of them, full of energy and excitement saying goodbye to family, friends, and the life we knew. We were off to begin our adventure, the excitement of new things, the allure of the unknown.

But now, six years later, I know what I am choosing to come back to. I know how the dog yelps non-stop day after day after day, crowding out my sleep, wearing me down like Chinese water torture. I know the feeling of sweat dripping constantly down that spot where cleavage would be if I had cleavage. I know that sinking feeling when the electricity goes off again, and it’s anybody’s guess as to when it might come back on. I know the smell of the garbage piles on the side of the road, the ickiness of full sewers, and the constant noise of a city too packed onto it’s tiny island frame.

I know.

And yes, there are the moments where I dream of pulling a Wonderwoman dive out of the taxi and crawling back under the fresh white duvet cover with the remote and watching Cake Boss until I fall asleep.

But then.

Then I remember the why. This life is short, and I want to live it surrendered, not comfortable.

Jennie Allen, in her book, Anything, says, “If we believe that this life is temporary, that belief alone changes how we live it.” I want this temporary life to be one that I can’t live on my own, one that I need His strength for each and every day. Living in this way brings joy deep down in my soul. My sweet Jesus gave it all for me on the cross. He loves me so intently and He has given me the chance to offer back to Him a life of sacrifice.

And the truth is my life, the messy one, where I have to rely on Him to get me through, is more beautiful than any sea view, any candlelit dinner, or any afternoon spent journaling at Starbucks. The messy life I have, the one HE chose for me, is far more beautiful than any comfortable relaxing moment I can imagine, because He is in it.

And, now, knowing exactly what I am in for, I choose it all again.

Thanks for visiting! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here!

Pic taken by my hubby, Dave. A big thank you to Mandy from Biblical Homemaking for the cute clothes I am wearing in the pic.

*I understand that Starbucks may be a hot button issue for some of you, but as I live out of the country, I thank you for your grace in respecting my choice to drink some coffee from home.*

Linking up here: The Better Mom, Women Living Well, A Holy Experience, Denise in Bloom, Time Warp Wife, and Raising Homemakers

Filed Under: contentment, missionary life

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Restoration

May 28, 2012 By Joy

During one of our long 8-hour power outages, I moved slowly in the blackness feeling for the front door to push it shut and click the lock. Unbeknownst to me, the cat was caught between the door and the screen, and there he stayed sandwiched the whole night through {poor thing}.

I opened the door in the morning to find a frustrated feline along with the remains of a screen door scattered everywhere and a huge gaping hole proclaiming my mistake. And each day since, the gash is there announcing to me and all visitors that I need someone to come and fix it. Someone to come and pick up the pieces, fit a new screen, and fill the hole.

I am feeling a bit like that screen door. Things long held secret coming into light bring pain and leave me feeling like bits of me are scattered everywhere. I have a vast hole, and although mine is hidden away and not as easily seen, I am in need of Someone to come and fix it. I need Him to pick up the pieces and fill it.

Thankfully, that is the business He is in. Restoration.

I know that He has it all under control, that He isn’t surprised, and He makes all things new. And it is right there in that word, Restoration. I can’t be restored by striving for it, trying to fit the pieces back together, fitting in my own screen door. I can, however, be made new by resting in Him, resting in His plan for my life, resting knowing that He works ALL things together for good.

And so I rest.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

How about you? Are bits of you scattered everywhere and you need Him to fill the hole? Maybe you could whisper a comment and we could lift each other up in prayer to the Master Fix-it Man? Will you join me in His work of Restoration?

”He whose heart is kind beyond all measure, gives unto each day what He deems best, Lovingly it’s part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest.” – Lina Sandell

Linking up with Women Living Well Wednesdays!

Filed Under: contentment, God's word

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Ideas for Short-Cut Hospitality and a Giveaway!

March 30, 2012 By Joy

Today I am sharing some simple tips and ideas for short-cut hospitality, especially for those of us who are worn out as part of Karen Ehman’s, A Life That Says Welcome book study!

I hope that you will come on over and join in the fun. There is also a Target gift card giveaway as well as a link-up swap and share for everyone to join!

Here is a little about Karen:

Through her daily blog, writing ventures and many speaking events, Karen’s passion is to provide women with creative inspiration and doable ideas to help them live their priorities and love their lives. She is the Director of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and is a contributor to Focus on the Family’s magazine Thriving Family.

A popular presenter at Hearts at Home moms’ conferences, Karen is also the author of five books including The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized, A Life That Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Heart and Home to Others and the recently released best-selling ebook Untangling Christmas: Your Go-To Guide for a Hassle-Free Holiday.

She has been a guest on national media shows including The 700 Club, At Home Live, Engaging Women, The Harvest Show, Moody Midday Connection and Focus on the Family. The mother of three, she and her college sweetheart Todd just celebrated their silver anniversary.

So, come join me me for some fun and fellowship!

Filed Under: contentment, giveaways, guest posts

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When Cheese Sandwiches Make You Cry

February 24, 2012 By Joy

I wrapped up homeschool and prepared lunch as the kids got things ready to head over to the MAF school to join classes for the afternoon. Hannah asked what was on the lunch menu and I answered, “Cheese sandwiches, apples, and Pringles.” She gasped, “With sliced bread, real mayonnaise, and real cheese?” I nodded yes and the room erupted with whoops and hollers.

And I burst into tears.

What for me, as a child, was a mundane, boring lunch, was for my children the equivalent to a trip to Disneyland. Really. On our island, it is rare to have real cheese, good tasting mayonnaise, sliced bread, and the right flavor of Pringles all on the same day. It didn’t matter that the electricity had been off for the last four hours, or that it would be off for another four. They were thrilled and thought a cheese sandwich was the greatest thing, well, since sliced bread.

I looked at their faces, my precious ones, and saw so many things. Thankfulness at precious souls that are thankful for the little things. But something else too.

Pain. Mine, not theirs.

They don’t know what they are missing. They don’t know most American kids think cheese sandwiches are mundane at best. They don’t know their own culture. And my heart breaks. What of all the little things they will never know?

My mind drifted to the story my MK {missionary kid} hubby told of returning to the US on furlough from Brazil and beginning first grade. He told how he was given a test of pictures of men dressed up. He stared at the paper, confused. He had no idea what they were. The teacher collected the papers, laughed, and asked incredulously, “You didn’t answer the questions. Don’t you know this is a fireman, a policeman, and a baker?” He was crushed and embarrassed, and the memory still stings.

And the sobs began again, for that little boy and for my own.

They call them “Third Culture Kids” because they will never fully fit into their home culture, but will never fully fit into the country where they live. They are an in-between species, a category unto themselves. What have I done to them?

Sure, there are lots of things they get to do, have seen, that others never will. My mind searches as I think through all the blessings of their life. Jungle treks, ministry trips, exciting places and foods.

But what of the struggles they have had to face? Are facing? Living away from grandparents, being the entertainment and focus wherever they go, waking up every morning to the sound of the mosque, having so few American friends that really understand, the constant struggle of communicating in another language, the list goes on and on.

My mama heart cries for what they miss.

See the glass as half full, some will say. Yes, I know. And on a good day, one without physical pain and with electricity, I could. But today I am stripped bare and all I can do is to cling.

Cling desperately to Him.

Life here, my third culture life, is a constant cycle: stripping of myself, choosing to cling to Him, rinse, and repeat. Because, really, I have no other choice. And I’m thankful.

Some days, choosing to cling means that all I can do is see the cup that is placed before me. Not the one that could have been, not the one I think I want. But the one that is there, right there, that has been lovingly given to me to drink.

My cup.

I see the cup that has been placed before me, and I drink. I cling. And, I will bring praise.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26

You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock. Isaiah 26:3-4

This is my battle song {doing battle with fear and self-pity….join me?}

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the faith

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here…..

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship