“O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
my soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where
there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.”
Psalm 63:1-4
“God blesses His people with extravagant grace so they might extend His extravagant glory to all peoples on the earth.” David Platt, Radical
And what better way to extend His glory to the world than by bringing clean water and the Gospel to an entire nation! Good Morning Girls is partnering with The Last Well to bring both to the country of Liberia. Is God possibly calling you to worship Him by joining them?
Few stories on the internet have touched me as deeply as this one. I have never thought of becoming a midwife, but this post and part 2 of the story has me thinking on it. Might you prayerfully consider helping bring Stella home?
Isn’t the story just. so. exquisite?? Wow.
Speaking of midwives….
Thank you so much for all the kind emails I have received as a result of this post. You are all so gracious. I’ll be honest, it was a hard day for me. After posting, I wish I could say I did something immensely spiritual, but I didn’t.
I cried, crawled under my quilt, drank a Coke Zero, and watched an episode of Call The Midwife. Yes, yes I did.
But God is so good, and I am soul-satisfied that His name is magnified through my story.
Francis Chan says in his book, Forgotten God, “A sure sign of the Holy Spirit’s working is that Christ is magnified, not people.” I pray this is true.
Photo credit, the hunky Dave Forney
Weekend Worshipping
Brokenness is a Gift
”He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
My parents emailed and asked if Dave and I could Skype before the kids woke up. I immediately went to worst case scenarios….death, cancer, affairs…. my mind was a swirling mess. When we finally Skyped in the darkness of early morning, I clutched tightly to Dave with one hand and my cup of coffee with the other. Dad said, “I need to tell you that you have a brother… a child I had with a girl before coming to Christ and before I met your mom. She and I never saw the baby, we gave it up for adoption.”
And I burst out laughing.
I laughed hard. The relief, the absurdity, the nerves, all mixed into one brought out the giggles in me. All I could think of saying was, “I have a brother?” in my best Tommy Boy impersonation.
However, the laughter quickly dissipated and turned to tears, which became sobs.
I cried for a week.
My closest friends held me and listened as I blubbered away. Then came the anger. Anger at the betrayal. Anger at the secrets.
It wasn’t the sin that angered me, it was the secret kept for 35 years of my life. It was not knowing the answer to so many questions lying just below the surface, the missing piece to the puzzle of so many things left unsaid throughout my life.
And then came brokenness. I was, no I am, broken. Broken for my dad, holding his pain inside all his life, wishing he had known he could have told. Broken for my mom, protecting her husband all these many long years, wanting to share with her daughters, but choosing to honor the wishes of the love of her life instead. Broken for closeness my dad and I missed, him always holding back a little bit of his heart. Broken for all the years I thought his holding back was my fault…something wrong with me.
We traveled back, the kids and I, to the States for a visit, broken.
But even through the brokenness, I found so many gifts.
The gift of traveling back to the States to work things out face to face with my family. The sweet gift of reconciliation and closeness that comes from being broken together. The gift of meeting a brother I didn’t know I had only months ago. The gift of opening up to friends and realizing that this frees them to be open about their brokenness…who knew?
The gift of falling into the arms of my Savior, with nothing to give, nothing to offer, but simply coming in my broken state before Him, to let Him heal my wounds.
Through all of this, I have come to look at my dad, the head pastor of a large church, standing broken before his congregation, as a gift.
Sharing brokenness with one another is a gift.
By showing our brokenness to one another Jesus and His power can more clearly shine through. When we keep it to ourselves, try to clean up our story, our sin, and only show our beauty to one another, that is what they see.
Our beauty. Beauty that is man-made and hollow.
But when we take the brave step of sharing our ugliness, our pain, our broken pieces, then His beauty can shine through, and it is truly beautiful.
He gets the glory of a life redeemed. Not us.
His glory shines through the mess. He picks up the pieces, our broken pottery lying on the ground, and begins to fit them all together the most beautiful mosaic, so much more beautiful than we could ever dream or imagine. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7
And that is why I share this with you today. I give you this gift of my brokenness, my family’s brokenness, that His glory might shine brightly through us.
Even now, as I prepare to publish this post, my flesh screams out to protect, to keep hidden. My mind thinks, “But you know she will be reading this, and you know she will judge.” And I want to hit the delete button, to push it back, to keep it my secret.
But He says no.
He says, this is what His Son has done for me. He was broken, spilled out, laid bare for me. How can I not do the same? So I follow my Savior and my dad’s humble examples and choose not to protect myself, but to point to Him.
To show my brokenness, that His name be lifted high.
Here is my gift of brokenness to you. My dad, my hero, sharing with our congregation, his story of brokenness.
A personal story Alan shared in the weekend services. from Good Shepherd Community Church on Vimeo.
“O Lord, let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter thy starts shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness, thy life in my death, thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin, thy riches in my poverty, thy glory in my valley.“- Valley of Vision
May God shine brightly. To Him be the glory.
You are Worthy Wednesday
*I have to give credit to Sara for this beautiful idea. If you have never visited her beautiful space, you really must. I am touched by her sweet, deep adoration posts, and it inspired me to do the same. So, each Wednesday, I will be sharing from my personal journal. It is my daily process of adoring and praising the Lord beginning in the morning and adding to it throughout the day. I’m choosing to give Him my minutes. {Because if you are a mama, you know you don’t have hours!} When we give the Lord our minutes, He multiplies them. Want to join? Read Sara’s post here, and may I suggest you start in the Psalms?*
“He leads me in the paths of righteousness.” Psalm 23:3
You are my leader, Lord. You are the One leading me.
You stretch out Your hand to me.
I am frightened, but excited. I grab hold with shaking hand and hold on for dear life.
When I trip-slip and fall- You bend down, dust me off, and begin gently leading me once again.
What would I do without You? I can’t even see the path, let alone continue on it without Your sweet guidance. You hold the lamp to light my way and we continue on.
The King, in all His majesty, helping me, the scraped-knee servant girl in rags.
I am dumbfounded.
But You look back and smile at me, and see a princess, Your princess, Your beloved daughter.
I look up at You, my face radiant, all traces of my shame are gone.
You whisper, “Follow Me,” and I know, without a doubt I will follow You anywhere.
In Your presence really is fullness of joy, a place where I am fully known, fully forgiven, and fully loved.
“Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.” Galatians 4:6-7
“They looked to Him and were radiant, And their face will never be ashamed.” Psalms 34:5
“You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Psalm 16:11
“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father! The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ,” Romans 8:15-17
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14
“And He said to them, Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Matthew 4:19
“…Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come along!” Song of Songs 2:13
Beautifully Unashamed
Christ in us is beautiful.
Join me as I share a bit about my heart and the phrase, “beautifully unashamed.” In Romans 1:16 Paul says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”
Can’t see the video? Click here to watch.
“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” Colossians 4:6
“…always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.” 1 Peter 3:15
“So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like starts in the universe.” Philippians 2:15
“Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5
“What if the true motive of my life and my heart were to make God known for a few years on this earth?” -Jennie Allen, Anything
Weekend Worship
“Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth. Yours is the dominion, O Lord, and You exalt Yourself as head over all. Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. Now, therefore, our God, we thank You, and praise Your glorious name. But who am I and who are my people that we should be able to offer as generously as this? For all things come from You and have been given You.” -1 Chronicles 29:11-14
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:25-26
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show my Thy glory, I pray Thee, that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me the grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” -A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
Lord God, I ask You right now, this day, to help us desire You more than we desire anything else on earth.
*Photo Credit Dave Forney These photos were taken by my sweet hubby from our front porch. God’s glory is astounding!
The Cake is Stale
I was twelve. At a Child Evangelism Fellowship camp, the speaker, a missionary named Larry Frickel, told of his life and work in Thailand. I don’t remember anything he said, until Steven Curtis Chapman’s song “For the Sake of the Call” came on, and he asked if anyone would like to come forward to commit their life to missions.
And I heard a voice {not audible y’all, so don’t go committing me}, saying, “That’s YOU.” So with shaky knees, I stumbled forward to the front, as my friends snickered in their seats. I’ve never liked to be different, at least not in really noticeable ways. I have always wanted to fit in, to be liked. So when I got back to my seat, I rolled my eyes at my friends and tried to be cool.
And that was the beginning of a tug of war between the two me’s. The one who KNEW she was called to be radical, to be different, to NOT fit in, to go against the flow, and to inspire others to do the same . . . and the one who wanted to be popular, to have her cake and eat it too.
High school was a constant tug in either direction. The one me wanted to be popular, so I became a cheerleader, and hung out with the cool kids. The “other” me pored over books like Passion and Purity, Shadow of the Almighty, and The Pursuit of God and my heart leapt over the radical abandonment I found in those pages.
And now, as a missionary wife, I hesitate to sound too radical, too “out there”, thinking that if I go all “Jesus Freak” on you, you will pass me off as some “super spiritual missionary”.
For my whole life, I have had my feet in two worlds. You think missionaries don’t have the same struggles as you? You obviously don’t know me. I thought I could just hold on to a few little things and still be fully devoted to the Lord. Like being just a little too concerned with my appearance and weight, spending just a little too much money on cute clothes, gossiping here and there about someone who really bothers me, and quenching the Holy Spirit’s nudge a little too often {because to listen and follow might make me look like a freak}.
Will I still struggle with these things? Oh yes. But I’m done giving in. I am ready to do battle with my flesh and live all for Him.
I was thinking if I just nibbled on the tastes of this world, I could satisfy both my flesh and my spiritual self and everything would work out fine. Well, I’m over it. God has been calling me to more for a long, long time and I have been too afraid {and too busy} to listen. It took some slowing down and spending many, many hours of focused time in the Word and prayer to see where I got sidetracked.
This blog is one of those places. I want Him only to be seen here, and yet, somewhere in there the lines got blurry. So this place is going to be a changin’. Lots less of me, lots more of Him. He is what you need anyway. Not me.
I no longer want to have my cake and eat it too.
The cake of this world is tasteless and stale, in case you didn’t know. The only true satisfaction comes from relationship with Him.
Who knows how much longer I have on this earth, and I want to make every day count. I am ready to live in light of eternity.
I am ready to live for more. More than this world has to offer.
Are you tired of snacking on stale cake? Come join me at His table, the feast is amazing.
Romans 12:1, Matthew 6:33, Hebrews13:14-16, Psalm 27:4
The Best Way to Balance Busy
Balancing on the balance beam has never been easy for me. As I get older, my sense of balance grows even worse. It doesn’t take much… a simple swing on a swing, a car ride on a particularly curvy road, and I am sick and dizzy.
The same is true in my life. It doesn’t take much to upset the balance of my days. Saying yes to too many good things, not leaving time to just be, as a person or as a family, and living in a generally busy state definitely disturbs my balance.
As I have looked around to remedy this unbalanced feeling, which leads to an unbalanced life, one thing that has helped is to center my life and my activities.
It is simple, really, yet has so much power to change the course of the day.
Join me at The Better Mom today to find out what it is!!
Thanks for visiting! I invite you to subscribe to Grace Full Mama here.
When You Feel Like You’ve Failed
This is my story, my before Indonesia story. It brings tears in the telling, and the pain still rings true today. But rather than a story of failure and depression, it is a story of God’s faithfulness and the hope that is found in Him.
A few years later, Dave and I met, fell in love, and married. He finished flight training at Moody Aviation, and fresh out of college, the Lord called us to Alaska.
The first few months of life in the Alaskan bush were wonderful. The little village, above the Arctic Circle, was full of beautiful native people who became fast friends . . . especially the kids and teens. Living in a small 380 square foot cabin, with no running water and hunting our own food didn’t phase me. I loved the adventure of it all.
And then. And then. Winter came {in August} and the days became shorter and melded into non-existent, with the sun grazing the horizon at noon. The temperatures continued to drop, and drop, and drop, until they settled in around negative fifty degrees on most days, with negative seventy on the coldest days.
As the snow swirled outside our thin plywood walls, the perfect storm began to swirl in my heart and soul.
I desperately hung on to my little family and tried to guard young Britton while dealing with the morning sickness of a new pregnancy, Hannah.
And as the storm of depression, anxiety, and pain swirled in me, it erupted onto my relationship with Dave. Married less than three years and so young and naive, we began to take out our stress and pain on each other with angry words.
And as I imploded, I hardly knew how to ask for help. It went from bad to worse, and, after two years, we left that dear little village in Alaska. We returned home, battered, beaten up, and what I viewed as “failures.”
I was officially done with mission work of any and ALL kind, and wanted nothing to do with the topic. We returned to our hometown and Dave got a job in construction.
There, in the midst of “failure”, God showed up. In so many little ways, He brought people to love on us. He brought us into a community of God lovin’ people who didn’t care how messed up and burned out I was. Over time, He restored my soul, so that this girl who never wanted to hear “missions” mentioned again was excited, even thrilled, to head overseas to an island in Indonesia we now call home. He showed me He is in control….He doesn’t need me to accomplish His work, I just get to be a part of it!
The right circumstances, the right words from Him, to restore my soul.
He took my anger, my depression, my failure, and turned it into wisdom, experience, and hope. It took what I thought to be a colossal failure and made it into the best “boot camp” experience of my life.
If you are feeling broken, worn down, depressed today, I hope my story of brokenness can give you hope.
Remember beauty really does come from the ashes, and in God’s family, there are no failures, or better yet, there are nothing BUT failures. We are all failures. If we weren’t failures the cross would not have been needed. But it is and we are.
So, what do you need if you are feeling broken?
1.Community. Find those people who will love on you . . . the ones who will speak truth, allow you to be broken, but also point you to the cross.
3. Confidence. Confidence to be a mess in front of people. Confidence in God’s plan for your life. You have no idea how God might use today’s failings in tomorrow’s triumphs. Cling to hope. If He has overcome the world, He can surely overcome your current mess.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:32-33
Choosing the Engine {Guest Post}
Today I am so pleased to welcome my dear friend, Carrie {Carrie’s Busy Nothings}, here today. She has wonderful encouragement for us today. Here she is:
I recently found myself in a discussion with “Lily”, a friend who felt like she was in a dead end marriage. Her husband was always gone, she was no longer sure that having kids was such a good idea, and she was afraid to pray for the Lord to fix it because she honestly just wanted it all to end.
“How’s your spiritual life?” I asked, pretty sure I knew what the answer would be.
“Non-existent. With handling the kids by myself, I just don’t have time.”
Really? No time? Let’s think about that for a second. Every single day we make choices that will either encourage us to be more like Christ, or steer us in the direction of the world. Lest you think I am pointing fingers, let it be known that I am as guilty of this as anyone else.
Five minutes reading and meditating on a Psalm … or popping on Facebook? {Guilty}
Two minutes talking to my Heavenly Father … or checking Twitter to see what’s new? {Guilty}
Half an hour of Bible study … or cruising around Pinterest? {Seriously Guilty}
“Lily” went on to share that she no longer felt love for her husband. In fact, her feelings, she said, were gone. Feelings – they are such an interesting way to run your life. Let me tell you a story about a little girl, a little train, a very wise mama, and a lifelong lesson.
Once upon a time, when I was a very little girl, my mother sat me down in front of a flannel graph board. On it, she had a little flannel train, with an engine, a coal car, and a caboose.
The engine, she said, represented FACTS – GOD’S WORD, which is what should drive the train (representing LIFE) – it is Truth.
The coal car is FAITH, it’s what feeds the engine. Faith in God’s Word (the Truth) keeps you on track.
The final little red caboose represented FEELINGS. “Yes,” Mom would say, “feelings are a natural part of human nature, but they only work if they are kept in check behind the truth of GOD’S WORD, and your FAITH in it.” Mom would then take the caboose from the back of the flannel train, and attach it to the front of the engine.
“What happens,” she would ask, “when the caboose tries to run the train?”
It runs amuck. It deviates from the track and causes all kinds of chaos. “Do you want to run your life by the caboose, or by the Engine, Carrie?”
The Engine, Mama. The Engine.
When I was sixteen, I listened to a tape by a funny little Indian man named Ravi Zacharias. You may have heard of him, he’s a famous apologist and one of my favorite speakers, but at the time, I didn’t have a clue who he was. Ravi shared the story of his brother’s arranged marriage, and of his own disbelief that anyone could marry someone they didn’t love. “Ravi”, said his brother, “don’t you know that love is as much an act of the will as it is an emotion? And if you will to love someone, you can.”
Those words set my life on a path that I never expected. Two years later, Joy’s husband was standing next to us as my husband and I pledged our lives to each other. Over the years, there have been times when the feelings ebb and flow, but each day, I have a choice. 
I can choose to trust (and obey) God’s Word, or I can let the caboose carry me away. When I choose to love my husband when he is being unlovable (which doesn’t happen often, but he is still human!), the feelings always follow, just as the caboose will always follow the engine, as long as they are kept in the correct order.
I don’t know what track “Lily” will take. I don’t know what choices you or I will make this week, but I pray that each of us will choose wisely how we spend our time and Who is driving the train.
Thank you so much, Carrie! Thanks, too, for that wonderful pregnant picture of me….ahem. Make sure to visit Carrie at her blog, Carrie’s Busy Nothings!!
I Hope You Forget Me
playing my part in a bamboo symphony
I hope you forget me. I hope you forget my face, forget my name. In a world of self-promotion and blogging platforms, prizes and accolades for biggest and best, I hope when you leave this blog you forget me, but remember Him.
“Jesus resisted, rejected, and retreated from fame.The only platform He ever stood on was Calvary. In ministry, there are no platforms, only altars.” -Ann Voskamp
Last year, at the Relevant (now Allume Social) conference, Ann Voskamp asked me the question,”Why did you come back to blogging?” (I had a blog prior to this one.) I himmed and hawed and answered, “I felt called to, and my husband felt the same way.” Which was the truth, but it isn’t the full story. There are more words I want to say to answer that simple question.
Here, Ann, and the rest of you, is the full answer, the one deep in my heart and bubbling up out of my soul.
This is why I do this funny thing called blogging.
I write because I desire for my stories and words, triumphs and failures, mountains and valleys, eloquence and blunderings, to magnify HIS name. Pure and simple.
I want to add my voice, my words, my life to the hundreds of thousands already proclaiming His name around the world through the Internet.
I want my song to join in the glorious symphony others began, that my small part might make the song a little fuller, a little richer. Is my part significant? No, not really. But it is the part He gave me, and by golly I will use it to sing of His great love as long as I have breath to breathe or fingers to type.
I’ll be honest, it can be difficult to keep perspective in a world swirling with numbers, names, and getting noticed. So I pray whether I fly or fail, write for many or for two, my heart stays humble and it would never be about me, but always, ever, all about Him.
This is why I blog. He is why I blog.
Colossians 3:17,24-25, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him . . .Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
So, when you leave here, I pray you would forget me, but remember Him.
linking up with The Better Mom and Grace Laced
