Good Job, Mama

I watched my kids weave through the pumpkins, enjoying the sun on my face and the brisk autumn air. From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a mama, belly ready to burst, buying pumpkins with her little one. He was near 3 years old and a cute little button of energy. I observed as she maneuvered around pumpkins with her pumpkin-sized belly, hand holding her sweet, lively boy.

He asked for something, she told him no, and two seconds later he was on the ground flailing in the dirt, letting her know *exactly* what he thought.

To read the rest of the story, and have your heart encouraged today, join me at Sally Clarkson’s place, I Take Joy.


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On Where I’ve Been and Where I’m Going

It’s been a while, a looong while since I’ve been in this space. I’d like to apologize, but the truth is I’m not really sorry. Sort of. I’m sorry for being inconsistent and flaky, but I’m not sorry for being gone.

Gone is a fitting word. I’ve been gone. A bit of everywhere and nowhere.

Our family packed up and left our life in Indonesia in late May. It was planned, as our Heavenly Father asked us to continue our story in a new and different country. However, I had no idea just how difficult it would be to leave our home {still is}. 

The grief of leaving loved ones and a life, that, although difficult was made beautiful by HIM, was painful. Really painful. Still painful. 

Indonesia will be forever etched on my heart, and the people carried with me everywhere I go in this world.

And, as we came back to the States for a furlough before we head out again, people welcomed us back by saying, “Welcome Home.” But the thing is, America is no longer home for this nomadic family. 

Yes, we love the good ol’ US of A, our family, friends, and Taco Bell, and all the cheese sandwiches we can eat, but we feel so, well foreign. And I didn’t expect it. And so, this born and bred American had to grieve twice. Once for leaving our Indonesian home and once for coming “home” that doesn’t feel like home. It was difficult to arrive in Indonesia eight years ago, feeling like we didn’t fit, and it is equally difficult coming back “home” and realizing you don’t fit here either.

And to be honest? This missionary mama is tired and burned out. Weary. These bones are weary. Really weary.  And I’ve learned to accept brokenness as a gift.

A good gift from Him. HE is showing me to place my trust in Him alone, not on my physical address. He gives me hope. “And hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5 

As I look at what Christ did for me on the Cross, my inheritance here and now, and in the future, my heart sings. Eternity feels close. My REAL home, the home my nesting heart is longing for, is with Him in heaven. So each day, I have to remind this heart so prone to wander, to, as Jonathan Edwards said, “Stamp eternity on my eyeballs.” When I lose perspective, I find myself feeling overwhelmed and anxious, but when I turn my eyes on my dear Heavenly Father, His Son, and His Word, my soul is strengthened.

As I meditate on His Words, my soul is refreshed…

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26,27

And as He strengthens me, He has begun to fill my heart with love for our next earthly home….

A little country in the east of Africa, and Lord-willing our sojourning family will land there in February. To go again.To begin again. To fall in love again. To feel uncomfortable again. To be driven to our knees in sweet surrender all over again.

The country called Uganda will be our new address. But our HOME is with HIM. Amen.

Delighting in God’s Beauty-Refresh Your Soul Week 4

I love nature. I am a Northwest girl, who loves a good hike, a picnic outside, or a day trip to the beach. Nothing speaks to my soul as deeply as a beautiful mountain, a sweeping landscape, or an immense ocean that seems endless.

Some people are not. They would prefer the mall to the trail. That’s ok. I love indoor things too. My challenge for us today is to look for beauty and take an extra moment to be thankful for it and to relish it more than we usually would. Where I live, there is some real beauty, but it is interspersed with trash piles and cracking cement. I have had to become a beauty hunter to find and appreciate beauty in my every day. And, guess what?  I have found as Ann Voskamp says, “The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems.” When I started to hunt for beauty, to see God’s handiwork all around me, I found it everywhere, and in some unlikely places.

But let’s not enjoy beauty simply for beauty’s sake. Let us see the beauty all around us, and use it to point us to God’s glory.

The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work if His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge.” Psalm 19:1-2

God’s creation is telling us something about HIM!

What if the Iguazu Falls {one of the wonders of the world} were put there to tell us about the person who put them there? More to the point, what if everything was put here to tell us something about Him?” Steve DeWitt, Eyes Wide Open

But no created thing can satisfy the cravings of our heart. As Augustine says, “You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”

And even more than this, the beauty that we find points us to THE most beautiful One, Jesus Christ.

The real desirability is found in Christ. God made every created beauty in this world as an expression of Christ’s beauty and the beauty of the Father’s love for the Son. All beauty is a breadcrumb path that leads us to Christ.” -Steve DeWitt, Eyes Wide Open

Have you spent time meditating on Christ’s beauty? The beauty of what was done, finished, completed on the Cross. Can you fathom the love the Father has for the Son, and the love the Father has for us? I can’t. I can’t even fathom it. 

Here are some things that have turned my heart to God in praise this week:

  • an orchid purchased for $12.00
  • flickering candlelight
  • delicious coffee in the early morning
  • the giggle of my son
  • a butterfly hatching on our banana tree
  • laughing hard when Hudson does his crazy dance
  • fruit-lots of it, mangoes, papaya, bananas of all shape, size, and color, rambutan {hairy fruit}, etc
  • the tired, satisfied smile of a hubby coming home after a long, hard day of serving people in the jungle
  • fresh baked bread
  • MAGNUM BAR {I think these are pretty beautiful!}
  • rubbing backs of boys too old to cuddle, but want to be touched just the same
  • discussing literature with a friend over a drink at the air-conditioned hotel {bliss!}
  • the whoops and hollers of boys having a nerf gun fight that overtakes the whole house
  • blooming roses
  • the smell of gardenias picked on the side of the road

Frederick Langbridge says it so eloquently in his famous quote,” Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”

Take a few moments today and find the beauty around you. And let it turn your heart in awe to the True Beauty found in Jesus Christ. What beauty have you found this week?

Previous Posts in this series:

Set Your Mind- Refresh Your Soul Week 3

The electric skids to a stop, that sinking sound of the life being drained out of light bulbs, washing machine, and water pump. My heart sinks too and I feel the life being drained out of me as well. Again? Really? The third time today.

“Lord, don’t you know I am hot and tired and weary and well, just plain worn out? Don’t you see me? Here I am trying to serve You with my whole heart and it’s stupid little things like dogs yelping non-stop, the fridge not getting cold, the electricity dying again, the dead gecko I almost stepped on in the bathroom, that obscure my view of You. Again and again. And probably again tomorrow. Lord, it is just so hard to refresh when I stink and there is no place to go to find rest for my body or quietness for my mind.”

And this American-born girl pushes back against her “rights” being taken away. Among the things I expect in life are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness . . . but also electricity, running water, noise ordinances, and a place to escape the heat. The growing pains of this selfish heart groan against what I view as “the basics” being taken away from me. I mean, shouldn’t a person have a right to flush the toilet when they want to?

I read Paul’s declaration in Philippians 4:11-12, “for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I knw how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and gong hungry, oth of having abundance and suffering need.”  Really, Paul? Because I have got the prosperity part down and to be honest, a little prosperity sounds pretty good right now as I feel the sweat dripping and the dog next door won’t. shut. up.

But to learn how to “get along with humble means”?

To be honest, it wasn’t that hard, the giving up of life and home to follow the Lord overseas. The big sweeping drama of leaving family behind, and traveling into the unknown has excitement and exhilaration attached to it. But the every day, sweating it out? Not so much.

And then I read on, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That was the part I missed. In His strength.

But how do I make that real in the every day moments of wanting to complain and send one more snarky text message to a friend lamenting our woes as we suffer through together? Because complaining can be so much fun!

It hits me between the eyes, as I read Colossians 3: 1-2, “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ {which I have}, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things that are on earth.”

Set your mind. Dwell on Him. Set your mind on the Gospel, the Good News of what Christ has already accomplished on my behalf. Set your mind on things of eternal importance, not on the petty things and silly worries here on earth.

It’s as though He is saying, “I can be your fulfillment, dwelling on me- Your King and Your Savior. Dwell on my beauty, what I have done for you on the Cross, focus your attention on ME, instead of what is dragging you down in this present moment. Seek the things above, the things that really matter, dwell on them, live in them, bask in them. This is TRUE refreshment.

These three words. Set your mind. It is a choice. When everything is going wrong-the electric is off again, the heat is stifling, the dog next door is making me insane, the kids are bickering-again-THAT is when I need CHOOSE to practice to SET. MY. MIND.

And guess what? It is really refreshing. Resting in Christ who strengthens to help me to continually set my mind. Not easy, but truly soul-refreshing.

With what things do you need to choose to set your mind?

Here are all the previous posts in this series:

Planning for Refreshment- Refresh Your Soul Week 2

* I wrote this post before I knew what Sarah Mae was writing on. It is interesting how similar our thoughts are on this subject!*

Let me pray for us as we begin….

Lord, we are weary. We have tried, sadly, for too long to do life on our own. We choose now to abide in Your love, Your arms, Your truth. Refresh our souls as only You can. We wait expectantly for You. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields it’s fruit in season, and it’s leaf does not wither. We give You this year, our time, our schedules, our selves. Use them for Your glory and show us Your will in our lives. Amen.

The Lord will guide you always. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

Last week we talked about refreshing yourself by letting some things go and making time to rest and enjoy life. Now, I want to take it a step further. We need to plan to be refreshed. Not just once, but on an ongoing basis.

We need to schedule in time to drink deeply from the well that is the Lord and find things that truly refresh our soul, instead of settling for what feels good in the moment but in the end leaves us feeling depleted. As I mentioned last week, habits of constant internet clicking, mindless eating, shopping {online or otherwise}, TV watching that is mindless instead of planned are some of these things.

Here is what I am saying. Plan for a little refreshment every day, every week, and a little something extra once a month or whenever you can swing it. 

Here is what works for me. I wake up early early so I can have quiet, with my coffee and my Bible, uninterrupted for an hour. In the afternoon, I take a nap for 30 minutes and then I read for 30 minutes {the twins listen to a book on the ipod}.

In the evening, I get into bed by 8:30 and spend a few quiet moments reflecting on my day. Then I read a relaxing book with a cup of Good Earth tea {my favorite!} in my special mug before lights out at 9. Should everyone have this schedule?! Of course not! My husband flies early so we get up at 4:30am, thus necessitating an early bedtime.

In addition to this, every few months I take a little vacation to the local hotel here in town. It is nothing special, but for 24 hours, I have quiet and air conditioning, which are hard to come by here. I take some music, candles, coffee, Bible, a book I am reading, and sometimes a special movie. I spend the afternoon resting and praying, the evening watching my movie and getting a good night’s sleep, and the morning before I go home, some time in the Word. This is what works for me and my family. Dave gladly sends me, because he doesn’t mind keeping the kids, and it actually helps him because I come back refreshed!

At one time I felt guilty for taking these times to refresh, feeling like I should be filling my time with more important things, giving my time and money to those that need it more desperately. However, I have learned taking care of myself and my relationship with the Lord is the most important thing. Christians these days have gotten things a bit turned around.

We are running around serving the Lord, without actually spending time with Him, ministering to Him or hearing from Him. Jesus frequently took time away from His ministry to be alone with the Lord.

As for me, I want to serve faithfully until the very end, so that means taking a little respite along the way. Otherwise I burn out. 

I want this to be true of me… “{S}He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither.” Psalm 1:3

Find what works for you. Talk it over with those close to you, and figure out a plan of how to make it happen. I am already picturing a host of comments with a bunch of “yes buts”…. “we don’t have the money, my husband would never watch the kids, I don’t like to be alone,” etc.

My plan does not need to be your plan.

YOU come up with your plan with your family and the Lord, and then make it happen. Could you trade babysitting with a friend one morning a week? Could your hire someone to watch your kids while you take a nap? Could you ask a loved one to have your kids for a playdate once a week or once a month to give you some time to rest?

My challenge to you: Think about how you can plan for some refreshment in your day, your week, and your month. Pray over your plan and see what you can do to make it happen!

Abide In Me-Refresh Your Soul Week 2

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

We are refreshed when we abide. 

What does that even mean? Simply this: tenaciously clinging  to Him. In the moments you feel like giving up, you want to crawl back under the covers and wish the day away, you want to “numb out” sitting in front of the computer, fill the pain with food, or watch TV, He calls, quietly, “Abide in Me.” 

It is in our own strength we fall.

Our BEST as women is when we are holding fast, holding desperately, to Him.

When we realize how poor we are, we can come before Him and ask Him to fill us, refresh us, give us something to pour out onto the precious people we love.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

When we mess up, we shouldn’t berate ourselves for the sin we committed, the angry word spoken, the rolling of the eyes, the exhausted sigh. That’s not the root problem.  The root problem is: we departed from the Source of true life, presuming we could manage on our own.

Instead of feeling bad about failure, instead of voicing our grief in this way, “Sorry Lord I messed up, I’ll do better next time“, what we must say is, “Sorry Lord I left your side. Help ME!”

The most spiritual prayer for ourselves we can pray is two words, “help me.”

The problem isn’t failure, but instead, failure to rely on the Source of refreshment.

We should be compelled to come to the Lord desperate for His power and work in our lives, to refresh our souls, begging Him to give us what we lack. Choosing moment by moment to trust in His unfailing love and resting in His power for each decision, each word spoken, each task completed. We can do it on our own for a while, but in the end we feel exhausted, stressed, and depleted.

Andrew Murray speaks to this in his book, Abide with Christ, “…unspeakable danger of our giving ourselves to work for God, and to bear fruit, with but little of the true abiding, the wholehearted losing of ourselves in Christ and His life.”

He gives to the hungry, the poured out, the poor in spirit.

He gives.

Live in the truth of your “poorness”, don’t pretend it is anything else than what it is, give up the illusion of your own strength.

Begin today, this moment, to say this, “In this moment of exhaustion, of weariness, I cleave to You. Help Me!”

I am slowly learning to do this moment by moment in my day, and it, HE, is making all the difference.


Refresh Your Soul Week 1- Creating Space to Breathe

Take a deep breath. Now another one.

What word or words do you want to describe your life, this year, this week, this day? Joyful, Peaceful, Refreshed, Intentional, Simple.

It is time. It is time for you and I to place our flag in the ground. It is time to stop living at break-neck speed. Time to stop rushing from one thing to the next, filling up our free space with mindless distractions like the Internet, phones, and TV, which leave us feeling depleted instead of refreshed.

If you are a mom like me, we still have a lot of the race left to run.We still have to finish raising our kids, and so we need to look at our lives as a marathon instead of a sprint. I don’t know your personality, but I know mine. I hate to say no to people, so I often say yes to something, then I get overwhelmed by all I have to do, and end up going back and renigging on my commitment. I am working on it.

I am learning to say no. My life often has many unexpected interruptions, people stopping by, needing something, a last minute visit from a neighbor or a friend. I am guessing yours might too? So I need to learn to say no to a lot of planned things so I have space to enjoy the interruptions in my day instead of feeling overwhelmed and stressed out.

What things in your life are just fillers? There is a difference between having a busy life and having a full life. A full life is one you choose intentionally what things you are going to put in, life-giving things, things that you truly feel called by God to do.

The busy things are those fillers that you feel like you should do, have to do to look good, want to do, but don’t fit in your season of life. And the other kind of filler is the one you use as an escape—the internet, iphone, endless tv watching, or maybe even mindless eating.

For me, as I look at how I have been spending my time, there are several commitments I am pulling back on. In addition to those, the fillers I have allowed into my life are a 30-45 minute mindless Facebook and internet checking with my coffee in the morning, letting the wind take me wherever it will, and watching a TV show with Dave each night. Are these things wrong? Nope. But I need some space to breathe, and my soul isn’t filled by these things. I want to fill my time intentionally {not to the max} and have time in my day to ponder and talk with God, read quietly, and engage in conversation with my family. So, mindless internet surfing is going in favor of a scheduled block of time to work on my blog, update Facebook, and answer emails. TV watching is now limited to Friday and Saturday nights, when we can enjoy it, and not worry about staying up too late.

Just these small changes make me smile. I have peace in my heart knowing I have space to breathe. It gives me a lightness to my step and helps me de-clutter my mind and my day.

This week I want you to consider these challenges:

-Declutter your life by praying about something in your life that needs to go. Let it go without guilt or reservation. Smile at how much better you feel.

-Turn off the “feeds” early. Stop eating, stop watching, stop clicking earlier than you usually do. Snuggle into bed a little earlier than usual.

-Anyway you work it, I highly recommend if at all possible to wake up at least 30 minutes before your kids. Really. I’m not tyring to be mean, but I have seen such a huge difference in my attitude just from waking up earlier than my kids. You can do it! Spend some time in the Word first thing, filling up your mind and refreshing your heart. {Good Morning Girls is a great resource for your quiet time!}

*If you are a nursing mama, and aren’t getting enough sleep to begin with, don’t beat yourself up! Try writing out a few verses on some cards that you can meditate on anytime day or night. Grab your sleep when you can!*

-Do NOT underestimate the power of the nap. Guilty, you say? Get over it! I still take a 30 minute nap every single day and my youngest are 5! Institute quiet time, play a book on your ipod for non-nappers, or even give the kiddos a movie to watch. Whatever it takes for you to get some rest.

-Do something nice for yourself each day.

Some ideas:

Meditate on a verse or verses.

Quiet tea time.

Listent to your favorite music.

Light a candle.

Buy some flowers, just because.

Put your snack on a china plate and drink your water with a bit of lemon out of a wine glass.

Read a chapter of a fun, relaxing book.

Go for a walk.

He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.”Psalm 23:3

Enjoy your week, breathing,resting in Him and allowing Him to restore your soul as you consciously make room for Him in your life.

Refresh Your Soul Week 1- Praising and Reflecting

As I have been studying and praying through this series, it is clear to me it will not fit into one day a week. All the Lord is showing me on how to refresh is going to take 2 days a week! On Mondays, we will have a time of refreshing in the Word and then Tuesdays will be intentionally looking at our lives and build an action plan.

So here we go….

Today we are going to be intentional about offering praise to the Lord and reflecting on 2012, the good and the bad. 

I encourage you to find a quiet spot. 

You are going to need:

  • 30 minutes of quiet
  • Your Bible, turned to Psalm 66
  • A pen and a journal
  • a candle
  • quiet music
  • something yummy to drink {these last 3 are optional, but I think they enhance the experience!}

1. Take some time to read Psalm 66. Write down any words or thoughts.

The best way to stop focusing on my exhaustion and weariness of soul, my trying circumstances, my pain, is to focus on worship and praise of God. He is worthy to be praised and adored, and my soul cannot help but be lifted and refreshed when I spend time praising Him.

When we don’t turn our eyes on Him, our eyes automatically turn to our self. Charles Spurgeon says this, “He who makes little of God makes much of himself. They who forget adoration fall into adulation. The eyes must see something, and if they admire not God, they will flatter self.”

I find his statement true in my own life. Take a moment to intentionally turn our eyes off of your problems and choose instead to focus on praising Him.

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious. Say to God, ‘How awesome are Your works!’”

All the earth will worship You, All will sing praises to You; They will sing praises to Your name.

2. Take a few quiet moments and speak to God about His wonderful works. His many blessings. His awesome character. Write them down.

3.Now, let’s take a few moments and reflect on this past year.

How has God been faithful to you this last year? What are some things that show His goodness and love to you? Often, we are too busy or “forget to remember”. Remembering can greatly fortify our souls and bless our hearts as we look at what He has done.

“Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds, toward the sons of men.

4. Spend some time reflecting on what great things God did in 2012, for you, your marriage, your family.

Write down all the things that come to your mind, big or small. 

The psalmist in Psaln 66 remembers the faithfulness of the Lord when he led the Israelites through the Red Sea in verse 6, “He turned the sea into dry land; They passed through the river on foot; There let us rejoice in Him!”

5.Now, as painful as it might me, take moments to reflect on hard things. The painful, broken things God used or is still using to refine you.

For you have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid an oppresive burden upon our loins. You made men ride over our heads; We went through fire and water, Yet You brought us out into a place of abundance.”

Spend  time thanking God for what He has done and asking Him to continue to heal painful spots. Also ask Him to continue to teach you to trust in Him as you refresh you soul this year.

6.Lastly, share {if you want} with us the things God has done, the joyous and the heart-breaking. Let’s praise Him together for the good things, and see His hand together in the hard things.

“Come and hear, all who fear God, And I will tell of what He has done for my soul.”

Here are mine….

His works in my life in 2012:

  • allowed me to grow deeper in my walk with Him
  • brought a deepening of close friendships which have been a balm to my soul
  • Dave and I started instituting “at home” date night which has renewed our marriage
  • our family took several village trips interior, which were life-giving as we did ministry together as a family {you can read about our most recent one here and here}
  • the kids and I took a soul-refreshing trip back to the States, and I was able to spend time resting and hanging out with family {and drinking Starbucks!}
  • several wonderful things that I am not at liberty to share via the Internet

The hard things that God used {is using} to refine me:

  • the devastation of learning family secrets, which led to the blessing of meeting my wonderful brother and deep reconciliation with my family, learning the hard way that brokenness is a gift
  • continual pain and exhaustion due to Lupus, that God continues to use in my life to show me how weak I am and how much I need Him in my life.
  • experiencing severe burnout, which left me spent, through which God is continuing to show me how to rest in Him
  • near constant power outages and the constant yelping of the neighbor’s dog, which I wish I could say have grown me immensely and I am so spiritual I even thank God for the disruptions. But honestly? I am not there. I can survive them, but I am not to the point where I would say I am thankful for them. I pray I might continue to choose here.
 Now it is your turn.

Refresh Your Soul Series 2013

The electricity grinds to a stop again. The dog next door yelps endlessly, the blaring m@sque somehow still has it’s electricity, and the heat without fans leaves me a melty puddle on the floor.  The scheduled power outages are no problem, the ones I know are coming. It is these never ending, sneak-up-behind-you-in-the-middle-of-the-hot-day-ones that wear me down. Just a few hours before, in the cool pre-dawn, fans were going, and coffee was piping hot, I was refreshed and feeling spiritual. Now, with kids arguing about the nothing they-think-is-the-end-all-something, the laundry is piled high and stinky, ugly words bubble up from deep inside of me and threaten to unleash on the next waiting victim. I am pooped.

My soul is weary.  It needs refreshing {maybe yours does too?}. Not just the kind of refreshing which involves pedicures and long lengthy luncheons, or my ultimate fantasy right now, sipping a Starbucks walking down the aisles of Target {hey, I am easy to please!}. No, it needs something more than a passing moment to truly refresh. A little pampering can certainly be part of it, but I need more.

The new year has begun, and all things are new and the year holds scads of possibilities. Will you join me in a series to refresh your soul as we take on the year?

 A little space to pause, think intentionally, and renew and refresh some of our habits.

Beginning next Monday, and continuing through the month of January let’s find true refreshment in Him and in setting up some simple habits. 

Week 1- Creating Space To Breathe/Refreshing Your Quiet Time

Week 2-Planning for Refreshement/Refreshing Your Habits

Week 3-Refreshing Your Space/Delighting in God’s Beauty

Week 4- Refreshing Your Mothering/Letting Go of Distractions

I am all about simple and do-able {who has time for more?!}, so each week there will be a devotional, a challenge, and some  action points.

I hope you will join me for a time of refreshing.

Tell me: What area in your life needs refreshing?

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