The Cake is Stale

I was twelve. At a Child Evangelism Fellowship camp, the speaker, a missionary named Larry Frickel, told of his life and work in Thailand. I don’t remember anything he said, until Steven Curtis Chapman’s song “For the Sake of the Call” came on, and he asked if anyone would like to come forward to commit their life to missions.

And I heard a voice {not audible y’all, so don’t go committing me}, saying, “That’s YOU.” So with shaky knees, I stumbled forward to the front, as my friends snickered in their seats.  I’ve never liked to be different, at least not in really noticeable ways.  I have always wanted to fit in, to be liked. So when I got back to my seat, I rolled my eyes at my friends and tried to be cool.

And that was the beginning of a tug of war between the two me’s.  The one who KNEW she was called to be radical, to be different, to NOT fit in, to go against the flow, and to inspire others to do the same . . . and the one who wanted to be popular, to have her cake and eat it too.

High school was a constant tug in either direction. The one me wanted to be popular, so I became a cheerleader, and hung out with the cool kids. The “other” me pored over books like Passion and Purity, Shadow of the Almighty, and The Pursuit of God and my heart leapt over the radical abandonment I found in those pages.

And now, as a missionary wife, I hesitate to sound too radical, too “out there”, thinking that if I go all “Jesus Freak” on you, you will pass me off as some “super spiritual missionary”.

For my whole life, I have had my feet in two worlds. You think missionaries don’t have the same struggles as you? You obviously don’t know me. I thought I could just hold on to a few little things and still be fully devoted to the Lord. Like being  just a little too concerned with my appearance and weight, spending just a little too much money on cute clothes, gossiping here and there about someone who really bothers me, and quenching the Holy Spirit’s nudge a little too often {because to listen and follow might make me look like a freak}.

Will I still struggle with these things? Oh yes. But I’m done giving in.  I am ready to do battle with my flesh and live all for Him.

I was thinking if I just nibbled on the tastes of this world, I could satisfy both my flesh and my spiritual self and everything would work out fine. Well, I’m over it. God has been calling me to more for a long, long time and I have been too afraid {and too busy} to listen. It took some slowing down and spending many, many hours of focused time in the Word and prayer to see where I got sidetracked.

This blog is one of those places. I want Him only to be seen here, and yet, somewhere in there the lines got blurry. So this place is going to be a changin’. Lots less of me, lots more of Him. He is what you need anyway. Not me.

I no longer want to have my cake and eat it too.

The cake of this world is tasteless and stale, in case you didn’t know.  The only true satisfaction comes from relationship with Him.

Who knows how much longer I have on this earth, and I want to make every day count. I am ready to live in light of eternity.

I am ready to live for more. More than this world has to offer.

Are you tired of snacking on stale cake? Come join me at His table, the feast is amazing.

Romans 12:1, Matthew 6:33, Hebrews13:14-16, Psalm 27:4

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