I weave among the cars and motorcycles in this city, my home of four years, but still so completely foreign to me. I do my best to get around trying not to hit or be hit. Tension reigns as I maneuver my little automobile amongst the chaos of pedestrians, food carts, and other vehicles.

All around me, people. I groan. I grow frustrated. As a motorcycle cuts in front of me without looking, I let out an exasperated huff and honk my horn loudly. I am angry at the people I am here to love.

I return home, hot and sweaty, the smell of the city on my clothes. I weave among the chess pieces scattered on the floor, remains of an art project across the table, clothes folded but yet to be put away. I groan, and feel that frustration rise again. My head feels hot and the anger rises in my head and heart. I let out another exasperated huff, and stomp around to clean the mess. Yet again, anger directed at the people I am here to love.

As I retreat for a moment to sit in a dark and chilly room, and I ponder.

How could I get angry again?

How could I try and fail again? Why can’t I even love those He has called me to love? The ones that I have uprooted and travelled all the way around the world to serve and the ones that came from my own womb?

And the answer comes, gently. Have you still not gotten it? When will you stop striving?

Rest in Me and allow me to weave all that you need into your precious heart so that you may love and live in Me, and I will do all things well. You can do nothing without Me.

Allow Me to weave the love into your heart, allow Me to weave the patience, the understanding, the long-suffering.

Let Me.

I close my eyes, and drink His words in.

I am so tired. I fail so often. And yet, on He weaves.

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Photo Credit, BinaryApe.

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  • Clajgray

    Beautiful! I am always touched by your entries!!

    • Joy

      Thank you. :)

  • http://fruitinseason.blogspot.com Christine- Fruit in Season

    Wow, Joy, I am so with you. Angry at those He placed in my life, the ones I’m supposed to pour love on. Praying this prayer with you…

  • http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com womenlivingwell

    Wow! What powerful imagery! Beautiful and encouraging Joy – thank you. ((hugs))

    • Joy

      Thank you dear. Hugs back at ya! :) Love ya girl.

  • Thehomespunheart

    Yes – Joy, I feel this way so often. Oh, that I would allow Him to weave His character and love into me. What a difference it would make!

    • Joy

      I know. I am right there with you sweet Monica. Praying that He would continue to weave His character into our hearts. :)

  • Ulrika

    You write so beautifully. :)

    • Joy

      Thank you so much sweet Ulrika. :) Still praying for you girl.

  • Sarah

    That is just me EVERY day. So good to hear what the solution is and know that there are others who share my struggles. Thankyou for sharing, and being brave enough to let us see the real you. So encouraging to me, as I get so discouraged, feeling that I am such a failure, and poor excuse for a Christian. This gives me hope!

    • Joy

      Sarah, If there is one thing that I have learned is that there is always hope AND we ALL fail. We just do. It’s the process of sanctification, none of us are there yet, but one day, one glorious day, we will be!!

      • Sarah

        Yes! This exact thing came up in our church Bible study tonight, and others too shared their struggles. God is speaking to me loud and clear, first through this blog and tonight at the Bible study, that it is HIS work in me and not my own effort. Thanks for your part in Him speaking.

  • http://twitter.com/stacey29lincoln Stacey29lincoln

    love. wondering once again how it is that you write what is in my heart as well?

    • Joy

      Because we are kindred sistas silly! :) Love you!

  • http://profiles.google.com/cheryl.a.long Cheryl Long

    Beautiful rugs throughout our home, woven by my daughter on our loom, will serve as a powerful reminder. Thank you for this, sweet lady.

    • Joy

      Oh Cheryl, you encourage my heart so very much. Thank you for taking the time to come and comment in my space. You bless me loads and loads.

  • http://intentionalbygrace.com Leigh Ann

    The word “surrender” has been on my heart lately. This was a great reminder to let him. Waiting for change at my core is so hard. I want perfection now. On the one hand, I am so grateful for a heart that longs to be molded by my Savior. However, on the hand, I want perfection now! I am a get things done person. So this is hard!! But I know the truth…God’s way is perfect. And since I don’t even know how to weave, I suppose it is best to let him do it. :)

    • Joy

      Yes, Leigh Ann, surrender. That is the best word for us to keep in our minds. To surrender to the sanctification process. Thank you for sharing!

  • amanda

    joy- you are so inspirational. i wish i could think the way you do!

    • Joy

      Thanks sweetie. :)

  • Anna

    Tears streaming down my face now…so needed to hear this. I can truly relate to the picture of weaving. I enjoy knitting and crocheting, so in a way I am “weaving” with yarn. Now when I do it, it will remind me of this post. He spoke these same words to me several years ago when I was “striving”…how easily I forget and go back to my old ways. I just recently started following your blog. Saw it on a friend’s post of facebook. When I read some of your writings, it felt like I’ve known you all my life and we’ve never met. Your words touch my soul. Thank you for sharing your heart and His heart. I am drinking His words in….

    • Joy

      Anna, Oh I am so glad that this could give you a picture to carry with you! Yes, we all go back to our old ways, sadly. I am so glad that you are here and that we can journey together. Thank you for saying hello. I’d love to get to know you more!

  • http://twitter.com/emilychats emily freeman

    this – “…and I will do all things well” yes – this is what he says. Beautiful post, friend.

    • Joy

      Thank you sweet Emily. Thank you for opening a space for women to share their hearts. I appreciate you!

  • Niki

    how beautifully “weaved” together! Thank you for this message today, may I love my family more freely!

    • Joy

      Yes, Niki. Amen and amen!!

  • Rebecca

    thanks for this! I had a day like this yesterday. It started out so well, but any number of annoying things happened by the end of the morning and, once again, I got angry and failed as I so often do! It does happen so often, and I have the same experience of wondering WHY I am “angry at the ones I am here to love”, as you say. Thanks for the reminder to just let God take care of it and to stop ‘striving’!

    • Joy

      Thanks for your honesty Rebecca. It really does help to know that I am not alone. :) May we all seek to let God take care of it and rest in His mighty work in our lives!!!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your transparent heart! As I read today’s post, my head kept nodding “yes”. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those thoughts. I’m so thankful through all the failures and disappointments, He continues to weave…

    • Joy

      Thank you dear. I just love reading your comments and hearing your heart. You are such a gifted encourager and I’m so glad I am on this journey with you!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you, Joy! Your words mean so much to me!

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn {Happy Wives Club}

    This is beautiful. You are a prolific writer. I’m happy I came across your site on 29 Lincoln. You remind me alot of Emily at Chatting at the Sky. Thanks for sharing.

    • Joy

      Fawn, WOW. Thank you. I have never, ever, ever thought of myself as a writer and I am humbled by your kind words. May it all be for His glory.

  • http://jessandrichard.blogspot.com/2011/12/this-really-does-still-happen.html Jessica Gardner

    Thank you Thank You Thank you for posting this. Beautiful. Uplifting and so encouraging and humbling and convicting. So wonderful to read

    • Joy

      Thank you Jessica. That is my heart’s desire, that women will come and feel encouraged and convicted, but never false guilt or overwhelmed. Thank you.

  • RB

    Wow! What a blessing. Just today I have been so frustrated at my children.

  • http://redemptionsbeauty.wordpress.com Shelly Miller

    I know the pain of this too, not loving the ones right in front of me the way I need to. Thanks for bringing it to the surface, being human.

  • Anonymous

    Your words wove truth and the beauty of God’s grace out of your frustration…Lovely. Thank you.

  • Sheri@PurelyHis

    “Allow Me to weave the love into your heart, allow Me to weave the patience, the understanding, the long-suffering… Let Me…I close my eyes, and drink His words in.”

    All I can say is “thank you” and amen sister. Yes. Oh how I want HIS love, patience, understanding, and long-suffering woven into my heart… CHRISTmas love & bunches of hugs to you, Joy!

  • Lisa Jefferies

    Thank you for your post! I can so relate! I have been dealing a lot with anger and frustration, especially towards my teen niece whom I have raised the past three years. I know it has to be a work of God in us – to be gracious, patient, and loving. We, too, are human, have needs, and frankly, are selfish beings. Oh, to be more like Him…

  • http://myevidentfaith.com/ Lori

    Beautifully put. Sometimes this is an occasional issue, but I also have someone I cannot forgive… well, haven’t let myself forgive. Thank you for the reminder.

  • http://abidingbythecross.blogspot.com/ Laura

    thanks for being real! you are a true encouragment! blessings…

  • Mandy

    I have been super busy lately & I am feeling this way….how can I be angry at those I’m called to love whom God has placed in my life?? I’m not spending enough time soaking in His Word & His presence….listening, being strengthened and loved so I can continue to listen, strengthen & love those around me.

  • http://inquietmemory.blogspot.com/ Marleah

    I know you posted this ages ago, but I’ve been taking a few months off from blog reading and am just now trying to get caught up. There’s a lot of posts I need to read! :) But this post spoke to me so clearly as one of the main reasons I’m trying to get back in the habit of reading blogs is so I can be encouraged in my walk with the Lord and bring Him back to every part of my life. Lately, I’ve been feeling like all I’m doing is failing at loving those precious ones He’s given me, and it is so true that I just need to stop striving and let Him work through me. Thank you for this beautiful reminder that I need to let Him do His thing.