When Cheese Sandwiches Make You Cry

This post is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes…thanks for putting things into perspective and I will pray for your sweet kiddos that one day they will see that their cup is full because of how you and your husband have faithfully served the Lord!

Wow….could I ever relate to this post. Thank you for sharing your heart, and for touching mine in the process.

I admire you for drinking of the cup that the Lord has placed before you. Though it may not be the cup you would have chosen, you are honoring God and walking in faith by accepting it.

God has been working in this messy heart of mine for a while now and has taught me new meaning to the phrase, “it is well with my soul”. Starting around the middle of last year, he began to walk me through depression, then onto premenopause, followed up by the death of my precious dad. Then this past January, much to our surprise, our 18 y/o daughter decided to walk out half way through her sr year of high school saying that she’s too old for authority in her life and she could make it on her own.
As you can imagine, this has all been devastating, yet God has used these trials to bring my heart (and my husbands as well) to a place of utter dependence on God…..causing us to be able to say that whatever our lot, it is well with our soul.

Thank you again for sharing this post, and may God continue to fill your cup and satisfy you with his goodness….

Thank you for putting a voice to the inner feelings we all share on the overseas field. Sometimes I feel so guilty. Especially when my youngest begs me to just take him home now. He left so many friends behind, not to mention family, and has very few here.

Wow! What a humbling post to read first thing in the morning. As I complain about it raining, and my coffee is no longer hot. Little things. If my heart was more focused on Him maybe I wouldn’t be complaining so much? Thank you for this. For putting things into perspective. And for the work you do! Blessings and prayers!

Joy, what an inspiration and encouragement God has allowed you to be! I know nothing of the MK side of things, but often wonder if homeschooling keeps my children from many opportunities. They miss sports, musical opportunities, friends and learning things I can’t teach them. But we just trust the Lord that we are doing the right thing, and that they will want to live their lives for Him most of all. Love to you all!

Joy! What a beautiful post. Reminded me of Christ’s promise: “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.”

Even though we live in America, we live simply and avoid commercials, etc. It’s amazes me what will get my kids jumping in joy–like pancakes. Many of my cousins are MKs and I so know what you mean about the “not feeling at home in any culture.” Praying for you and your beautiful children today!

Joy, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for every word you write. I also want to tell you that you literally are living the life I thought I would have. I went to college to become the missionary I had dreamed of being since I was a little girl but got tripped up along the way and wound up in Southern California where I fell in love with the man I’ve been married to for over 10 years. We spent our first year being the leaders of an orphan choir (all the kids were from India, Burma, Nepal and the Philippines) which was the best of both worlds…American conveniences and luxuries alongside these precious children from another culture who were incredibly grateful and humble…I loved it! After that year though, my husband pursued his career and I became a SAHM in the suburbs. I’ve been so busy with little ones that I hadn’t stopped to take note of it, but recently I became painfully aware of the fact that I’m not living the life I always thought I would (seriously, I thought I would have 5 kids living in a remote place married to a missionary pilot or pastor). But God has shown me that THIS is where He needs me in order for me to become who He created me to be. I think it would have been easy for me to go and “hide” as a missionary and not face the challenges of living in this American (and Southern Californian) culture. So, the cup that is before me is being a SAHM mom to 2 amazing little girls, while waiting patiently for the Lord to open the doors of adoption, and finding purpose in my normal, not-missionary, life (though, I would say I’ve discovered that my mission field is my husband and kids, so in a way I’m a missionary). We are planning to begin homeschooling next year and I have you to thank for it…because of your post about Sally (well, many posts that include her name/books/conference info.), I went to the Mom Heart conference and my perspective of my children has been FOREVER changed, along with my view of how the Bible says we should educate them. Thank you for what you do Joy!!!

Joy, I don’t know you but would love to! I was introduced to you through Sarah Beal. My family went to the mission field of Kenya and then Zambia for 12 years. I remember feeling those exact feelings and thinking those same thoughts our first year on the field. We arrived to the field with a 1, 2, 3 year old and I was less than two months away from delivering our 4th child. Our first night in Nairobi I sobbed in bed after hearing a plane fly over head and listening to dogs barking and people screaming (we weren’t staying in a neighborhood the tourists see!). I wanted to get on the plane! Over a decade later the Lord brought us back to serve in a church in CO. I couldn’t believe the irony as I laid in my mosquito net covered bed in Kitwe, Zambia once again sobbing listening to the public transport mini buses hooting their horns and dogs barking while thinking I was not wanting to move back to the states! Amazing how time and the Lord make anywhere seem like home and obstacles actually become blessings. In pondering moving back to the states I had fears for raising my children in the homeland I had grown up in. When I moved to Africa I was sad that my children were missing out on Awana, Youth groups, parks that actually had equipment in them, libraries (before the days of easy internet access and kindle’s), and most importantly – grandparents hugs and kisses! side note: The church the Lord allowed us to start in Kenya actually has several AIM and MAF missionaries attend. I now have a son who would love to be in missionary aviation!

While gearing up to move back to the land that has it all I was feeling sorry for my kids that they had to leave a ministry where they were so hands on, interacting with folks in a different culture, seeing first hand real life hard struggles of poverty and death, the joy of worshiping with believers in a different language, family readings by candlelight because once again the power has gone off, pulling drinking water from the pool (mission field isn’t all woo’s ), boiling the water and filtering it because we had no water in the pipes. The list could go on. I did know in my heart and mind that the the Lord would use my children spending a good portion of their formative years on the mission field it was just my human brain “pondering” it all. Ps. 9:10 became a favorite our first term. “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” And then, Ps 37: 25, “I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.” Your children will thrive because of where God has you. My kids still consider themselves MK’s. They read all those “You know you are a MK when” lists and laugh because they can relate! We have been stateside for 16 months. In many ways it feels like it is time to pack our bags because furlough is over yet I know this is where we are in the lovely home the Lord provided for us here. My husband still teaches missions and writes on it. The Lord is growing my children and they love being in the states though their hearts are in Africa in many ways. I really liked the Acroynm, COGWK’s – Center Of God’s will Kids that Sarah Beal coined. I’m going to remember that one! I see God’s hand in our move and I know that in years to come your kids taste buds may prefer the homemade mayo instead of the jarred. Maybe not… but it is a possibility. My prayers go out to you as a young mom who loves her kiddos. Can I bring my kids for a cheese sandwich . Kindly, Toni Hafler

I can totally relate as I grew up as an MK. I loved it though and wouldn’t change anything. There are so many good things in every situation and your right it takes God’s grace to embrace it all!

Thank you for this post and being so real! I lived overseas single and am now in the process of preparing to move with my husband and 1 yr old daughter. It is so different planning to move with a family. Just yesterday I was in tears over how we are supposed to pray for our daughter knowing we are putting here in a tough situation! So often all I can do is cry out to God and trust him to give me the strength.

Thanks Joy,
This was good to read. My struggle as a mom to MKs is the fear of them always being on show. Like your pictures show, when we go to town or t for ministry our skin is quite white next to those around us. We stand out and can never blend in. I have taught my two little boys to wave and be friendly but somedays I feel like we are movie stars. I pray that I am not giving them a messed up view of themselves as more important than they are. I want them to be friendly and share Jesus’ love but I don’t want them learn to love the spot light.
Praying with you for the MKs out there and for the mamas who are raising them.
-Meg in Uganda

Yes! You certainly have a “reason to worship!” You may feel dry, hungry, and weak, but “our God is the God who provides,” who gives nourishment in times of need. His grace is sufficient. “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Cor. 12:9 Blessed are you for following God’s will and plan for your lives. Your concerns are valid in this day and time, but I am praising Him for all of the “American” things you don’t have to worry about, the attitudes we have, our “social” lives. What a joy to think a cheese sandwich is such a treat! Praising Him for you right now and praying you are covered by Grace today.
Always Experiencing Him,
Jody

I’m raining TCKs of my own. Some of it I love- they are not bombarded with the negative aspects of American culture- they totally get that there are “starving kids in Africa” because they see them out their front door.

But we miss family and friends. I’m sad when they can’t remember someone who is a vital part of our lives. I wish I could show them the good parts of MY culture.

But lots of prayers and trusting God.

Thanks for posting this.

You precious woman of God. How He smiles over you, and over them. You walking faithful to His call means they are exactly where He wants them to be. Cheese or no cheese. Praying He graces you with glimpses of His future plans for their lives.

Oh goodness Joy – I had to fight the tears back as I read – my heart hurts for your mama pain. Thank you for putting it so beautifully…the one thing I know is that your children are beyond blessed to have you as their mother. Your tenderness and awareness of what they face is such a blessing and I know they will do well because of you (and God and your hubby )
Love you girl!
Courtney

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. – Lisa K.
http://www.mommyministry.blogspot.com

Your story was really very on time for me… I could go on and on with details, but I won’t I too have battled hard with desiring a “different cup”. You have helped me to appreciate the cup I have been blessed with and confirmed for me what I’ve felt the Lord telling me here lately. Thank you so much! Be encouraged!!!

Joy, thank you for sharing the “realness” of being a missionary mom. I have to admit that all of our dearest friends are missionary families. Not feeling called to missions at this time, we do have a heart for missionary families and love to get together with them whenever they are in the states. It’s like the time never passed and we are best of friends. We love their children and they have a special bond with our children. We homeschool and try to guard our kids from this wayward culture as much as possible. Getting together with missionary families is like a breath of fresh air. Your family is dearly loved, cherished and appreciated. Your sacrifice will not go unnoticed by the One who matters the most. “Consider it pure joy…”(James 1:2) I will be lifting you up in prayer. -Stacie

WOW Joy thank you for sharing your heart, it warmed my soul to hear this. My cheese sandwich moment was when the Lord had me walk away from a home based business that I was a part of for 6 years to the calling of wife/mommy! It was a huge change to the fact that life was good as long as WE were getting OUR ways. The Lord opened us up to a true life with Him without {material} things. It was hard at first however when your children ask you questions that help them to know their father more, every moment spent with them is worth it. Its about learning to lean on Him fully and know everything we go through as a family is for HIM! Hugs

Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s amazing how military families and missionaries can have something in common with moving and being “displaced” of sorts. We are in Italy currently with two under 5 and some days its a daily struggle and others it is not. Praying God continues to fill you and gives you much wisdom to share with others.

My heart is blessed to read this post, friend. It’s interesting, but I’ve been so incredibly burdened for my kids, and I say the very thing you’ve said here, “What of all the little things they will never know?”…but about remaining in the US. We’ve always thought God would use us overseas, but so far, he’s chosen to make us fruitful in suburbia. There’s not a day that goes by that my hubby and I don’t speak of our longing for the kids to know another culture, the loss of electricity, and the privilege of eating real cheese sandwiches any day of the week. I pray for contentment here and now in my own life…and I pray for perseverance and renewal of strength in yours. Love and hugs…

Glad to see that lots of MK’s responded. After 25 years back in the States, I see more of what I gained living in Mexico City from 3-15 than what I “missed”. Exposure to another culture, the language which helped on the SAT’s, a maturity my peers did not posess, a world view was what I gained. We fully immersed, that is, we did not hang out with fellow Americans as much as found life and friends within the culture. I think that helped. Comfortable, suburban, American life is overrated and boring compared to what I experienced as a kid. Yes, my faith was and is stronger.

I can definitely relate, and while my culture difference is not nearly as significant as yours it exists. I pretty much grew up horseback, and am currently not able to provide that for my children. They are just coming to the age of learning to ride and all other things horse-y.
It seems silly – I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for – to yearn for something like that. But I feel like it’s a huge part of who I am, and who my parents are.
I remember feeling sorry for my cousins who visited us “from the city” who wore shorts and sandals and had never ridden in the back of a pickup, let alone on the back of a horse. We lived in boots and jeans and each had our own horse since we could walk.

Now my kids are those “city kids”. I, too, am clinging.

Thank you for expressing it for me so clearly. It will give my prayer focus and remind me that clinging and drinking the cup before me are the best choices to make.

Mrs. Ding ( http://mrsdings.blogspot.com/)

Oh Joy my sweet sweet friend… If we are all being honest, we all have times when we feel ways that perhaps we think we should hide, but what I love about you is that you share your heart whether it is rejoicing or lamenting. I love you and I pray for you every single day.

Well said. I’m from Canada and live in the USA. It grieves my heart to know that my kids won’t know family the way I did growing up. But I keep my eyes on Christ too. Great battle song! I need to get one of my own!

hi
just a word of encouragement
i am an MK just recently left Africa and gone to america for education. i was born and raised in Africa and never knew the american culture.yes it was as shock when i returned but i realized what the important things in life actually are. it is not eating stale crackers and bugs,or not knowing what mcdonalds is that matters in life! growing up with the truth of Gods word; seeing the truth shown daily in my parents life, in their testimony; seeing the sacrifices made for the Lord and for his glory and the results; seeing the glowing face of a new convert, and knowing that the best thing in life is to be in the Lords will. this is what life is really about! the experiences you children will have in life will enrich them and prepare them for whatever the Lord has in mind. the less we fit in with this world the closer we get to the One who placed us here for a purpose!
God bless!

We’ve been in China for 8+ years, but the last three and a half since our children have been born have brought many cheese sandwich cries. Glad to know I’m not the only one…

As a missionary wife with two grown children, I fully understand what you are talking about. My kids were definitely third culture, but it’s interesting that, even though all that they knew about the U.S.A. before college was the furlough experience, they really did okay in the long run. (I remember my kids talking about the U.S. as “Remember the church with the ugly carpet?” and “the church with the balcony,” etc. They didn’t see much besides the insides of churches!) In college, they each had a rough year when they felt they didn’t fit in. Each of them has a heart for missions and outreach to this day. Our daughter married an American man and teaches in a Christian school in the U.S. I don’t think she would have dreamed up this life for herself, but God did. She is happy, well-adjusted, and also carries with her the broad world view she got by growing up outside the States. Our son married a girl from another country, and they are ministering in yet another country in both English and Spanish.

We found that God doesn’t waste life experiences, and He gives each child grace to handle being “different.” We taught our kids that they had the best of both worlds, and we and they are still convinced that’s right! )

God bless you, dear sister!
Lou Ann

We are not of this world~our citizenship is in heaven. PRAISE GOD they will never have to “identify” with a culture, social group or peers so to speak. They will be chosen for a special work that not require that. AND I’m rejoicing with you that their hearts are being sown with the JOY of the LORD for the simple, little things!
Aloha in Christ,
Denise B.

Joy, I’ve been reading your blog for about a month now and have really enjoyed it. For some reason today I found this post and it just resonated with me. I’m an MK, technically from Canada but feel more at home in Mexico and now married and live in the US.:) Even though I’ve been away from Mexico for years it is still home to me and although the struggles were great not knowing my own culture or getting the three confused between Canada, Mexico and the US, I wouldn’t trade my upbringing for the world. The other missionaries in my life were incredible people, their influence better than any community I know of. Than there were my friends…some American, some Canadian and some Mexican…the world view an MK has is totally different than most but a great one as well. I wanted to encourage you that as your kids grow and “gasp” eventually leave home for college etc…that you have taught them well and though they may struggle in their actual culture they will be better for it all.

I still don’t think I fit in.:) I’m 30 now, two kids and one more on the way and live quite far from my family and although I know this is the path God has me on it is crazy hard some days as we are a close family. However, God is always faithful and He carries me through. I love your tender mom heart and how you grieve for the things we may take for granted here or find mundane…brings great perspective to my life once again. So often I just want to return to the mission field!:) Maybe one day. I also think it vital that there be a ministry to kids coming off the field…depending on your mission you may have a good one! For me even though our mission has a good program for kids returning to the States they don’t have that same thing in Canada and I was lost for awhile but those harder years also helped shape who I am in Christ. I know my parents questioned their choices, questioned if they were doing the right thing and questioned how to help their children but they honestly did a lot right but just teaching us of Jesus, immersing us in another culture, talking and talking to us and praying their hearts out!

Thank you for a glimpse in your life. I love reading your musings and thoughts on God.
Leanne

We have to remember that God calls us all as a family and that includes the kids, to the work He has for us. It’s not something we are just dragging them into and along with, but they too have been called by the Lord to this work and ministry. Doesn’t make it easier on a day to day basis, but helps to put things in perspective, at least for me.

You are such an inspiration! I cannot tell you how much your blog has encouraged me with my ONE little guy. In many ways I envy your situation… to be away from the business and craziness of our culture in the states, and to be in a place where life is more simple. I am sure that there are many many inconveniences and I can hear the heartbreak in your voice in this post about your children. But let me encourage you that they will grow up so much more thankful than many kids in the US. Just thinking about myself and my husband and how ungrateful we are for what we have. Just the other day my husband was expressing his frustration that we only had cheese for a sandwich (I did not buy any deli meat at the store). And to hear that your kids are overjoyed with sliced bread, mayo and real cheese. It humbles me so much!! We complain far too much and thank God far too little for what we are given. Thank you so much for sharing this, and many other things about your life. You have encouraged me more than you know, all the way in New Hampshire. Keep up the awesome work serving your family and serving others!

Joy, a friend forwarded me your blog. I am a mom of five serving in a very poor area of the Dominican Republic. They are 9,7,5,3,&1. We have been here for almost 10 months now and I think I have experienced the words you write of! It is so encouraging to me because in the ministry we are in I am surrounded by singles or married without children. Life with children on foreign soil IS different. Experiencing the discomforts, the pains physically, the spiritual battles …etc does put one through fire and prayfully a beautifully kilned clay pot. I am walking through this myself as a mom of 5, homeschooling, and a wife of a husband in ministry! Trying to find thankfulness as you write of. I am sure your busy but would love to contact you at some point and soak up wisdom ! Thanks for your honesty. http://Www.themenoldminutes.com. Jen

I grew up as an MK too and am constantly reminded that this world is not our home. You never fully fit in anywhere but the good news is there are other military and mk kids out there that understand and what a better glimpse of the world the way Christ sees it. I wouldn’t trade my oddities for anything!

What a blessing–to grow up in a different culture where they are being raised. Having grown up in a different culture (but, still in America), having never fit into one group or another, I must say, it’s going to be okay. You are giving them more than our culture is offering any child these days– the riches of life that are almost non-existent here. And children know what they live. And that’s all they need. Kids are happy–wherever they are. I battle our culture—every. single. day. And I feel like I’m losing the battle at times.

I remember reading articles as a young teen/adult about not fitting in. Not in one culture, or another. Being in-between. How difficult it was, how uncomfortable and unfair it was to experience my experiences- the bigotry, hatred and humiliation. Of what? Life? What was the danger? I began to believe it.

I pray for you as you struggle with this. I want these to be words of encouragement. Your babies will be okay. They will find joy in the simple things (as we all should), thankfulness for everything. I pray for your strength as a concerned mommy. We see the world through a different lens. I pray.

In closing—I’m ‘sure someone will challenge my words and wonder “what about you?” So, (to those people) I kindly add, Worry about yourself. The Lord has “taken care” of me and my family. Believe me.

Joy!. I stumbled upon your blog by chance and really liked it. I am not an MK and don’t have any MKs in my surroundings.. but this post made my heart to respond in a different way. I was born and grew up in third world country and immigrated to the US with my family when I was 21. When I came here I started college from the scratch, learning English as ESL and all the way to bachelor degree. The feeling of not fitting in.. it’s the same.. but there are so many people who doesn’t fit in this culture…You can always find other people who doesn’t fit and have friends. I’m actually proud that i’m different. It makes me more interesting to other people. I grew up in christian family in the country that was under the communist regime. I’ve never fitted in with the kids in school in my own country..everyone knew I believe in God and they always were pointing at me… so this always not fitting in, it makes kids so much stronger than everyone else anywhere they go. It made me learn not to base my self value/self image in what others think or talk about them very early in life. It made me wiser and more mature compare to my piers and saved from a lot of troubles later. In some way it’s a blessing.
Speaking about ‘cheese sandwich’..I find myself on the other side of the spectrum.. I expect my first child in November, and sometimes I think how will I manage to raise a kid that would be thankful and appreciative of the things we have here. I really don’t want my child to take all these blessings God provided us in the US for granted. I wish she could experience ‘simple’ as everyone calls it.. (which is in reality anything but simple) life in the third world country. Because that’s how 90% of the people in the world live like. So, I’m even thinking of sending my kids back to my country one day to live for some time with my relatives just make sure they know how much they have. .. So in some way it’s a blessing too, that you kids are excited about real cheese. Growing up, I was excited about it too. I don’t think it harmed me in any way, instead made me to appreciate things I have now so much more.

Yuliya

For some reason I am just now discovering your blog (where have I been all this time?!?) and I just wanted to tell you that even just reading some of your posts my heart is SO encouraged. My husband and I have been cross-cultural workers in Arabic-speaking N. Africa since January and I have struggled with many of the same thoughts that you have shared here. Learning to be content in all circumstances, learning to cling to Christ when I have been stripped bare and humbled to the dust, learning to trust our Father with the lives and futures of our little ones, and learning to fight for joy for the sake of my husband, kids, and for the praise and honor of my Savior are just some of the things that I have been grappling with lately. I pray that Father continues to pour out his grace on you as you press on by faith in the roles he has called you to for now. You are certainly a tremendous blessing to your family and many others around the world!

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this comment, but I hope to encourage you as an adult that grew up an MK. My family traveled the world and my childhood was definitely unique. Even now, I find that I have a difficult time “fitting in”….BUT, it’s easy for me to see that God shaped who I am for a purpose. Because I’m different, my husband and I clicked instantly when we first met (he never felt he “fit in” either!). Because I’m unique, God uses me to meet unseen needs. I can see and understand things that few others do. I feel so blessed that I didn’t grow up spoiled by American television and popular culture. I have my own family now and am raising three kiddos of my own..in the USA. God’s love and truth…your love…that’s what your kiddos need..and want! They’re gonna be just fine As a side note, there is a wonderful program in Redding, CA called Gatehouse, that helps MK’s adjust to living in the US when they re-enter the country for college. Obviously something far in the future, but it’s sometimes brings peace of mind to know there are people out there who are prayerfully working to meet the needs your kids may one day have. God bless..

I just now discovered your website, when a dear friend of mine sent me a link to this post….I’m a missionary kid myself, and your post made me cry. My experience as a third culture kid is very different from what your kids are experiencing and, in a way, is probably not quite as extreme; but, even growing up in the bush of Northwestern Ontario, my world-view is so very different from most of my friends’. I remember getting certain kinds of cereal and snacks when we went “home” to visit extended family, and feeling like it was Christmas. Now that my siblings and I are young adults we’ve had a lot of discussions as a family about the things that have shaped us as TCK’s….my mom brings up a lot of the questions that I hear you asking, “What have I done to you? What sort of struggles are you facing as a result of our decision to be missionaries?” And yes, there are days when I’m so tired of being different and just want to feel like I belong somewhere….but really, I would never, even on the worst of days, ever want to trade my rich, weird life for one that is normal and filled with cheese sandwiches and Pringles and trips to the library. =) So, mother dear…continue to cling, continue to do battle, and always remember that our God can take “deprived” childhoods and make them into rich, amazing adulthoods!

This warmed my heart. You are an amazing mother and I am sure that God does not only have you in Indonesia for a reason, but your kids as well. Thank you for sharing this.

http://stepstochangetheworld.wordpress.com/

My sister recently told me about your blog..I am enjoying it and “When cheese sandwiches make you cry” really hit home for me. We have been living in Chile and can really identify with the feelings and “guilt” that we sometimes have by taking our children away from Grandparents,cousins and all of the normal things that defined our own childhood.Thany you!

Joy – As a former MK, I offer you these words, perhaps not of comfort, but of truth. Obviously, your kids have so much to gain in their lives as MKs. I don’t think you need to be reminded of that. What struck me as I read your blog is more a confirmation of your pain. You are right, your kids will miss out. They will have to deal with that pain and loss in their own time and in their own way. They may experience it as your husband did, or it may not hit them until they are 25 and figuring out who they are.

As a mom, it kills me that I cannot protect my children from the hurts of this world. As a woman, I know that the pain I experienced is part of what has made me who I am today. Were the losses I experienced as an MK painful? Deeply so and it took some grieving to heal from them. But, God has used them to shape me and make me into the woman he wants me to be.

The truth is, if you were not a missionary, your children would still experience serious loss and pain, just with different roots. It’s part of life, this side of heaven. I think the most important thing you can do for your children is to help them feel free to express the loss and pain that they do feel. One of the hardest things about the pain of being a missionary kid is that sometimes, you don’t feel like it is ok to be hurt by the losses – after all, they are losses experienced in the name of doing God’s work. To a child, it can almost seem sinful to be hurt or angry at God. Give your children the freedom to question, doubt, and cry. Let them know that God is big enough to handle it and more importantly, He understands.

I am an MK. I remember coming stateside when I was 14 and not know who the local sports team was or the pledge of allegiance. Now, 12 years later, I am so thankful for the experience of growing up abroad. Yes cheddar cheese was a treat for us as was peanut butter. To this day I treasure string cheese as something special. My life is fuller because of the difficulties I had. It was tough but it was incredible. You are giving them such a gift.

Hello!
I love your blog! I noticed your battle song was Desert song which is originally sung by Hillsong if you’re interested in listening to the original version! natalie grant is awesome as well of course!

Wow! I was so encouraged to come across your blog and this post! Though my situation is slighty different (I am married to a Naga(Northeast Indian tribe) and living in India raising our daughter, I have had similar moments. Actually I’ve had many when-cheese-sandwiches-make-you-cry moments these days. For some reason my head is stuck in the missing moments instead of what I have right in front of me. Blessings to you and your family! May your tomorrow bring many more of the right-in-front-of-you moments.

I’m new to your blog and just happened to see this post. I am not one to comment on strangers blogs but I felt compelled to leave a comment on this post. Maybe because I’m a third culture kid, or maybe because I’m newlywed and also read your advice for engaged or newlywed girls. Probably because both posts encouraged me. Thank you! Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you as your mother your third culture children… Though I don’t really know how. I am not a mother, but I am a daughter of a mother who went through similar struggles as you. My father is a native from EL Salvador so I, too, grew up tossed between 2 very different cultures and never really finding my place. Sometimes this is something I struggle with daily, other times I rest in the fact that this is “my cup” and therefore I will rejoice. Sadly, the first is more often on my plate than the latter. Everyone says “you have such an advantage” but the fact is it still hurts. But I just wanna say… Let your kids enjoy what they have. Someday, amid their swirling emotions as they try to find their place, they will see the advantage they had. the gift of enjoying simple things, for example. (loved the cheese sandwich story!) and in heaven we will finally find our place. we arent of this world anyway, praise the Lord!

I don’t know if this made sense or not. But keep teaching your children to be thankful. You are giving them a big gift. I just say this because I’ve been there. And I do not regret what I learned growing up in that third culture. Someday we will find our place. In that Place where we will always fit right in.

I just stumbled across your blog on Pinterest (my escape to all things beautiful while living in dusty, dirty Bolivia). I also have a third culture kid and this post resonates with me deeply. On the good days, it’s amazing. On the bad days, I cling. On some bad days, I forget to cling, and I complain. God bless you in your journey & in your obedience to Him. High fives for those of us who work through the hard times in another culture & try to show our kids another way of life. I’d buy you a starbucks if I could!